I am not super religious by any means but my DH and I take the biblical approach to family prioritization seriously and had it incorporated in our vows and the preacher even had the kids respond that they understood that we would always take care of their needs but our marriage will come before them in every other way. 

The scriptural order of priorities is God, spouse, children, parents, then extended family.

And thus how we are deemed villians.

I've never really experienced any of this "the kids come first" stuff, from anybody.  I guess I'm just lucky?

was spot on!

The good old double standard when finally a SM stands up for herself.

priorities shift all the time. If your mom is sick and is facing a cancer scare, your mom comes first . That crisis may be averted and you get a promotion and you are learning a new job that's hard so then your job is your priority . Then later your best friend is getting married and you are the maid of honor , well then at the time your best friend is the priority . Life ebbs and flows. Sometimes you should be first . Sometimes others should be first. Sometimes your studying for the GRE and that's first . It is what is . 

has morphed into "Kid's get catered to and treated as mini-spouses with equal footing to any adult in the room."

And THERE'S your PROBLEM.

BAck in the day,  kids were put to bed by 8 and the parents had "parent time."  Babysitters were often hired so that mom and dad could have a night out.   Now you see toddlers, teens, tweens, infants dragged out to bars, restaurants, etc. where they were never TAUGHT to behave in PRIVATE much less PUBLIC.

Don't make the mistake of confusing a societal trend with whats right or true. We're starting to see that this backwards fad of overprioritizing kids stunts them in a variety of ways.

Looking back, I cant believe how much unhappiness I inflicted on myself by allowing crazy/misinformed/ignorant/dysfunctional inlaws to influence me. Everyone else in steplife has their own agenda, and only when I stepped back and started relying on my own judgement did my situation get healthier.

To He!! with the peanut gallery. Remember, when we become a stepparent, we're stepping into the aftermath of a failed dynamic. Together, the parents made bad choices, mistakes, etc that resulted in a broken family, so what do they know? Listening to your gut, using common sense, and being willing to stand up for yourself are all key to navigating steplife.

Socially, I hear kids "kids come first".

Privately, I hear the opposite. Though, I tend to keep close company with like-minded people, at least like-minded on subjects I deem important.

I think most people believe kids shouldn't come first all the time. However, mob mentality sets in, and they act against their own instincts because society says otherwise. It's an issue of peer pressure in one of its more heinous and silent forms.

I love how everyone who's NOT in a stepfamily has all sorts of opinions based on this bs mindset. Actually, ONE sort of opinion. May they or their children experience a stepfamily situation firsthand, then they'll know, the judgemental, sanctimonious haters.

I haven’t gotten the ‘kids come first’ so much from friends or family, asides from my inlaws. But what I’ve found consistently is any parent I know can sit there & complain about their kid to a chorus of understanding & ‘my kid too’. The second I open my mouth to say what little sh*ts my SS’s have been, I get a round of blank stares.

Every time. I get this from all my friends, my family, and most colleagues. It doesn’t stop me from saying it, I’m trying to teach them that SM’s have emotions too, and yes, my SS’s can actually be royal pains in the @ss. 

The only person I’ve met so far IRL who gets it is a coworker I’ve known the last few months, and she’s being moved to a different building shortly. I think I may cry!! Having that person who gets it has been a real blessing.

As much as I love my DH & cant wait for our LO to arrive, I really question why I put myself in a situation with skids. They’re (mostly) good kids, but life really would be easier without them.

I had this convo with a niece who is newly divorced, with no children of her own. She insists that "children always come first", and that the aunt who was hosting the bbq who has 3 children (the youngest daughter who she coddles is a complete jerk by the way, bt I cannot point that out...) always puts them first. I was like "even now, after they have become adults???" shes like yeah! isnt it great?

WEll, ahem, this sister in law is in deb over 30k from paying for her one kids schooling. The youngest who she dotes on is a jerk.

I tried, I really did. I tried. to explain that the children are top responsibility, but that the relationship needs to be the priority.

Yep. Nope. Now I just nod my head and avoid all the crap. They dont have a clue, let them remain clueless. IDC.

No wonder that some of the younger adults want free education, free medical care and to have cell phones, car insurance, and often rent and other expenses paid for.  They are used to having all of their wants met by others.  Not need - wants.