Damn it DH. Feckin' Bioparents and their Feckin' Rude, Child-Centric Ways
A very stupid, somewhat petty vent but here goes.
A friend of ours is in town staying with us for the next two nights and wanted to take us out to dinner tonight as a thank you. We choose somewhere moderately-priced but very good...downtown. As we're walking in, DH mentions that "maybe YSD would be free to join us for dessert or we should go see her after for dessert!"
YSD currently works at a coffee shop downtown...and DH has this thing where, whenever we're out anywhere in the vicinity...he wants to text her and see if she's around/free. It's annoying. I'd like to be able to go out once in a while without the suggestion that YSD tag along.
Anyway. I just did my normal "Mmmmmm" at the suggestion because 9 times out of 10 YSD isn't around or available. More, though, I was thinking that not even DH would be FECKIN' RUDE enough to invite his daughter to tag along to a dinner that SOMEONE ELSE invited us to and was paying for!
But I was wrong. We ate dinner and were discussing whether or not to get dessert when who should lumber through the door in all her disheveled, high-waisted shorts in 30-degree weather glory? Why...it was yon princess herself! Looking, as ever, like a pile of rumpled laundry come to life.
She sits down with us...and then we do get dessert! Four desserts, in fact. One of each. And we share and have coffee and...whatever. DH is goopy and goofy about YSD the whole time, which isn't that long. We don't finish the desserts and DH says to the waiter: "We'll get two boxes, please" and then, to YSD: "And you'll take one of those home with you!"
Doesn't ask me if I'm OK with that. Doesn't ask our host if he was hoping to take the desserts home. Gives YSD first pick and she takes home the two desserts we'd all agreed were our favorites/the best...including the one that I specifically ordered. Of course.
I know it's petty. I don't even need to be eating dessert anyway. It just really, really, really annoys me that DH feels free to invite his kid to join what was meant to be an adult get-together. Now...this friend. We've done a lot for him, and I'm sure he doesn't mind the money. It's not really about the money, though. It's about this friend wanting to take us out to eat and DH refocusing the whole evening around his stupid kid that no one else at the table cares about in the least.
Am I wrong? Or is that incredibly rude?
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Rude as f**k.
Rude as f**k.
That was my thought, too.
That was my thought, too. Seems super rude.
Yes, rude. And oblivious that
Yes, rude. And oblivious that not everyone thinks his daughter is so speshul.
Completely oblivous is right.
Completely oblivous is right. Gah.
She's so gross in every way.
Rude as f*ck is my vote, too.
Rude as f*ck is my vote, too.
If I was the one who invited you and your DH, it would be your LAST invite. To anything.
Oh yes, incredibly rude. I
Oh yes, incredibly rude. I would have been mortified, but I probably would have nixed the possibility when he first brought it up. If you point out to your DH how embarrassing and inappropriate it was, will he tell you that you hate his kid?
I don't know. I'm thinking
I don't know. I'm thinking that through right now.
In general, he's decidedly not a "my kids are my world" kind of person who can't see any wrong in his kids. He's fairly rational about them.
Just every once in a while he gets weird. Why did it have to be on a friend's invite though
Mortifying.
I should say for the record.
I should say for the record.
This friend is younger than us. Younger than me by about 5 or 6 years...so younger than DH by about 15 years. DH has given him work and been a mentor of sorts to this young man.
It could be that maybe DH sees him as more of a kid or an employee than a colleague? We're also pretty close so maybe he feels it's like family. I don't know. It's very odd to me still.
It's even worse that he's
It's even worse that he's younger and looks up to your husband as a mentor!
What an awkward thing to do to someone... Young dude probably felt like he had no choice but to pay for this "authority figure" type person and his choices...
Yeah...I agree. We’ve picked
Yeah...I agree. We’ve picked up the tab for this kid numerous times. I actually think the issue is that DH is so incredibly “generous” himself that he doesn’t think about the limits of generosity for other people (I put generosity in quotes because it’s 95% my money and his parents’ money he’s treating people with).
Anyway. This kid is well off...and I did offer to pick up the desserts...I don’t think money is the issue...
It’s just rude and clueless in numerous other ways in addition to the money...
That's so incredibly tacky,
That's so incredibly tacky, oh my goodness. I don't even know what I'd do in that situation. SD is 7 and we've taught her that when we're going out to eat with someone else and they're paying, she can order a mid-range meal and not ask for extras unless she's offered! We've even taught her not to stare at others if they have food/dessert that she wants. It's social etiquette.
Don't overthink this. You're
Don't overthink this. You're absolutely correct.
When we overthink, we often rationalize or try to justify bad behavior. But the reality is, you've got an accurate, boots on the ground, this is the way things oughta be perspective. You're in touch with good manners and societal norms, while your H is preoccupied with spoiling his kid.
Totally rude!
And my DH would do the exact same thing.
My mother came to visit, first time she had ever met MIL and of course, MIL made it all about SSs. She had to insist that SSs came to join us and then planned an activity that they would enjoy even though I told DH that my mother - our guest - wouldn’t be interested. So, my mother and I sat and waited while they finished and then MIL got annoyed that we didn’t join in.
When we traveled home for our wedding, DH was late to the rehearsal because he was too busy entertaining SSs. I also had to do all the wedding errands because he just had to entertain SSs. My parents also paid for his hotel since there was not enough room for all of us to stay at their house.
When my parents came out to visit two years later, their visit also became about accommodating SSs. No matter that we were totally ignoring our guests.
Drives me crazy. I’ve had to tell DH on more than one occasion that people do not enjoy hanging out with SSs as much as he thinks they do and that it wouldn’t hurt SSs to learn how to be polite, patient, and accommodating when there are guests in town. They are nearing high school, so plenty old enough to not be the center of attention all the time.
Rude AF. Even if your DH sees
Rude AF. Even if your DH sees this guy as a kid or member of the family, he had no right to invite his kid to part of the dinner. This was a dinner for the three of you, not the three of you & maybe YSD if she felt like bringing her disheveled self out.
Your DH didn’t even ask! I’d start telling him no when he suggests inviting her out all the time. If he threw out the ‘you don’t like my kids’ comment, it’d be ‘I like your kids, but I also like nights out just the two of us & not everything we do needs to revolve around your adult children’. If he kept it up, I’d probably stop going out with him unless it was on the opposite side of town from where this kid lives. I wouldn’t think twice about telling him how rude he was to your friend either.
Then giving her the dessert!! Why not just grab a 20 from your friends wallet while he’s at it!
I actually ended a friendship over behaviour like this, only it wasn’t her kid she kept inviting out it was her husband. I’d ask her out for coffee or a drink & the pair would show up every time. We’d schedule a girls night with another gf & he was always a part of it. Get a grip! Not everyone is as interested in your spouse or kid as you are. Smdh.
"Not everyone is as
"Not everyone is as interested in your spouse or kid as you are."
Yep. This is it exactly.
Once YSD got there, DH spent the rest of the time peppering her with questions and all other conversation just stopped. It felt so wrong and so rude...and he was completely oblivious. Like he couldn't imagine we weren't all enamored of his daughter and loving having her there with us.
That’s what it was like with
That’s what it was like with this friend & her husband. The convo always revolved around him, which usually meant we’d spend the entire time talking about cars.
I like cars, but that’s not exactly what I want to talk about when it’s supposed to be a girls night! It’s so gross!
Exactly.
Exactly.
DH: (In his best, 'I'm so fascinated and engaged by my kid' voice) "Soooo....YSD. How's work these days?"
YSD: "Um. Fine, I guess."
DH: (laughing) "Just fine??!! Planning any more trips anywhere?"
YSD: "Not really."
DH: "Have you thought about Atlanta?"
YSD: (making a face) "That's not really my scene, dad."
DH: (laughing as though she's just said something so clever and hilarious) "Not your scene?! It's a big city! What are your friends up to these days?"
YSD: (shrugging) "Not much, I guess."
Anyway. 30 minutes of this nonsense at the end of an otherwise very pleasant dinner = not my idea of a great time.
Gah, not exactly riveting for
Gah, not exactly riveting for your friend either!
It’s so rude. If you want to see your kid, make a date with your kid. Don’t hijack someone else’s time with you & make them sit there listening to a convo that has nothing to do with them.
Im annoyed on your behalf!
HORRID
attempt at trying to make conversation with Princess.
Should be more like "Eaten any good Tide Pods, lately?
it's times like these when it would be good to have an annoying friend of your own on hand to invite at the last second to any of H's functions.
She's so annoying, too.
She's so annoying, too.
She dresses horribly...answers her dad in a flat, nondistinct tone with no information...but then turns around and tells these long, rambling super boring "stories" that go nowhere. Usually about some boy she has a crush on or some date she's been on. It almost seems like she's trying to "impress" her dad with her dating life somehow...it's weird...and she talks in this rambling, gushy way. At her age, I never gushed to either of my parents about my crushes as if my parents were my girlfriends.
Don’t hijack someone else’s time with you
exactly! DH friend invited us to his birthday next weekend at an indoor go-cart track...but DH has SS. DH is actually debating bringing SS with, even though: this is a "adults only" event, the 'birthday boy' is younger than DH and has no kids.
I will never understand why these men think that everyone wants to be around their kids. I don't even want to be around other people's kids.
Oh my gosh
that is so cringe worthy!
Plain feckin rude and it has
Plain feckin rude and it has nothing to do with being child-centric.
Your H lacks decorum, is tactless, inconsiderate and IMO came accross as a cheapskate user at dinner.
You should tell him his behaviour is completely out of line and staggeringly crass!
Your SD's behaviour is most likely a reflection of the lack of manners or sense your H displays.
It would be a wonder if people want to have a meal with your H on more than one occassion.
You deserve a medal for being married to him and all his graceless boorishness.
My sympathies to you.
So damn rude, I honestly
So damn rude, I honestly would have said something to DH along the lines of "Maybe tomorrow you can get a coffee with your growth, but tonight our friend is being gracious enough to pay for dinner, it would be RUDE and INCONSIDERATE to just start inviting people, even just for dessert!"
You're not being petty
Yes, that's very rude and very weird, in my opinion. Have you talked to him about it? Really talked to him about it. Why does he cater to this spoiled 'kid' and why did he think it was okay to invite her for dessert on some else's tab and why did he think it was okay to let HER take the desserts home with her? He still views her as a 10 year old. Probably lots of guilt emerges at others' expense (literally). I agree with others in this thread. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to tell him to knock it off...even if it's in front of other people. Again, it's bizarre he doesn't see how wrong this all was.