My story:
Have been with my DH for 12 years. DH has been in and out of SD15's life for that 12 years, due to no official custody bc he's dumb, PAS, and an all around shit storm. Every time DH did something, said something BM didn't like, he was cut off. We went to see a lawyer, paid out the ass, but then ran out of money. And that was only for CS. Not even custody.
DH decided he could not fight anymore, and didn't want SD in the middle of it being used as a pawn, he was staying away.( Criticize him all you want FOR THAT DECISION, I have and he's still paying for it emotionally and rightfully so).

Fast forward to 2 years ago, SD is in our lives again since BM, which will henceforth be known as Skankula, didn't have a hair across her ass that year. Find out SD is in a horrible living condition, and been abused by SF, DH wins full physical and legal custody. Of course due to PAS, SD barely knows DH and basically hates him. Got her into counseling for someone to talk to regarding abuse, working on the family relationship and due to constant and manipulative and passive-aggressiveness, and also Skankula basically pulling the "out of sight, out of mind" card. This is still happening.
Now...here's my dilemma. I cannot separate my hatred for this woman from SD. I get angry, every time I hear about her, hear her on the phone with SD. she has put DH through so much, and my SD, that the mere mention of her existence sends me into a silent rage. And then I get shitty towards DH AND SD, because I just want the kid to wake the fuck up. I'm tired of seeing her disappointed face one day when that woman cancels plans bc she found a man to lay under, then 24 hours later Skankula is MOTY. All while I'm trying to pick up the broken pieces for nothing, bc despite how much I hate Skankula, I care about SD and her feelings.

Should I go to counseling? Is that even going to make a difference? Do I disengage? NMK, NMP? I'm at a loss. I have three of my own kids to worry about. SD and Skankula are nothing but drama drama drama every time they are in our lives, when she was little and even now. I'm burned out!