I am so pissed I can't stand it. Yesterday it hit me. I am having to use my CREDIT CARD to buy gas. I HATE using my credit card. All because ex hasn't paid support. We were supposed to go to court on the 13th. but it was postponed until 6/10. I was hoping to get some money this month. Ex only pays when he is in front of the judge. It is so frustrating. Ex is taking son to the coast this weekend... but hasn't paid anything in support since the last time we were in court. For the last couple of years I've been able to cut corners on myself (no professional hair cuts in four years, no new tennis shoes, giving up my "girl's week at Myrtle Beach" that I had been going on for five or so years, etc). Now I've cut all the corners on myself as I can. My DH helps greatly, but it is not his responsibility plus he has two of his own we care for and support from his ex is below state standards. I get so angry that I do not talk to anybody because I get mean. Last night the kids had church and I was able to keep my mood from effecting them too much. Son wanted to chit chat after the little ones went to bed. I was able to keep up with him for about 30 minutes, then i turned to him and said... "Son... I am in a funk... I really am not good company tonight" Then he asks what is wrong... I tell him nothing you need to worry about... his response was... "Whenver it is something I don't need to worry about, I find out sooner or later and it is something I need to worry about". He probably figured out it was about support. So now I feel worse.

Ex is now over 10000.00 behind. I am so frustrated and angry. Logically, I know support and visitation are seperate... and I agree it should be. It disgusts me to send Son to a man(?) who refuses to support him financially. It angers me that ex takes son to the coast while I am counting change so I can get him lunch. It thouroughtly pisses me off that the courts don't do anything but threaten him with jail time and once he pays the amount (once a little as 200.00 when he was 5000.00 in arears) he is happy go lucky until the next court date..... in about 3 months or so. What happened to them suspending his license... going after his personal property... somehting that will effect him more than four or so times a year. I have used up all my personal time in the last couple of years for court. And here is the kicker... 6/10.... the next court date... just happens to be my DH and my first anniversary. This is exactly where I want to spend this day.... in court... with my ex because he won't stand up... be a man and financially support his child. DH has 6/10 off and will be in court with me, he's very supportive... it just sucks royally that we have this day tarnished by ex's irresponsibility.

Ohhh BTW... The kids had a 1/2 day of school this Saturday. Ex was early picking up Son from school... so he goes to my boss' house (which is near the school). He tells Boss that he is filing for disability (ummm he's already been denied umpteen million times) because he can't work because of his bad back. WTF!?!?!?! Ummm ex can ride his harley, go deep sea fishing AND work at the shop behind his house but cannot get a job because of his bad back?!?!?! I can tell you why ex can't get a "real" job.... he can't pass the piss test. There... I said it.

I know this is more of a rant than anything else... I just have to get it out before I explode. When it does finally push me over the edge, it is not going to be pretty, and I will probably say/do something I will regret.