The investigator

I have a step daughter (aged 16) who is incredibly beautiful...both inside and outside. She's smart, funny, and SO much fun to be around when things are going well, but she has a full plate. I have several concerns....that's why I'm here.

First on the list is her Type I Diabetes. She was diagnosed several years ago. She's been hospitalized a couple times for not being able to get her sugar levels controlled. She knows what she has to do, and has openly admitted she's "not motivated...lazy...doesn't care..." about it and doesn't want to deal with it. I was present when she discussed this with her Dr's, which broke my heart. Her Dr's made several suggestions, but my sd doesn't care to follow through with any of them (ie; join a help website for kids with diabetes). A few weeks ago, her sugar levels were in the 600's and her father was working (several days away from home), so I was going through the steps to ensure my sd was doing everything she could to get her sugar levels under control. When her father came home, I learned she had been lieing to me about taking her correction doses along with her regular eating doses. Her father was able to get her to do what she needed to do and her sugar levels were back to normal by the following morning. ***Her cell phone and computer privilidges were taken away as a consequence for being dishonest. I flipped through a few of her text messages when I put it in a safe spot, and discovered she had sent out text messages to friends letting them know she was on her way to the hospital so she wouldn't see them for a really long time. I think this is when I realized her father may be right in thinking she is doing this for negative attention.

Second is her low self esteem. She tends to be attracted to her girlfriends boyfriends. There have been several occassions where she becomes terribly upset because she likes certain boys, kisses certain boys, but the boys always end up going back to their girlfriends (pre-exsisting!). I've talked with her about this, but it won't sink in. How can I get through to her?

Third is the manipulation. It never fails...never. If there's a football game she wants to go to, it's not JUST a football game she's going to so she can be around her friends. There's always an alterior motive. Always. I dropped off my sd and her girlfriend at a football game a few weeks ago. Both assured me they were only going to hang out with their girlfriends. I was horrified to learn my sd had pre-arranged to meet a 19 year old guy her father had forbidden her to see. Her father and I decided that from now on, she requires full adult supervision.

Gosh, I feel better already!! I love my sd enough to protect her. When my own children were starting their teenage years, I always did investigative work. If my kids asked to visit friends, I called the parents to make sure they were going to be supervised. If they had excuses for poor grades, I contacted their teachers to make sure they were being honest. Does this make me a better parent? I don't think so. Does this mean my kids are better? Not at all. I acknowledge I raised my kids differently. But trying to blend what my experience in parenting with this families parenting is a little bit of a challenge.

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Thank you.

Thank you Momster!! I think

Thank you Momster!! I think you managed to peg my sd perfectly!! I did have her writing down all her numbers/doses along with everything she'd eat...but refusal. My goal was to allow her Dr's to actually see what her insulin choices are, but they probably already know her choices are rather poor anyway. I guess I was hoping she would have something solid to be held accountable for? Anyway, I will try the watching. I wish I could stay at home to keep an eye on her.

We've already tried the NO social life, NO cell phone, NOTHING...but no changes at all. This lasted a year.

As for the pump/port...I discussed this with her Dr's. They believe she is a good candidate for this...WHEN she learns to keep her levels under control. They were specific, with her directly, in expressing their concern about her laziness. These pumps tend to break down, meaning it requires immediate problem solving on her part. If she's not going to take correction doses when her kit is right next to her, then why would she bother to take apart her pump machine? It was a valid point her Dr's made. SD didn't appreciate it too much, but it is what it is. We're trying to set this as a goal as well (work towards "moving up" to the pump).

Sneaking around...it is what it is. I think it's worth losing a bedroom door.

The stealing other's boyfriends...that's what I'm afraid of, but I suppose that's something else I can't control. Talking about it won't make a difference if she doesn't want to hear it. The butt whooping may be unavoidable, which breaks my heart, too. Should I brace myself?

PLEASE send me any pictures of amputations, etc!!! PLEASE!! I would really appreciate it!! I lost a girlfriend to Type I a few years ago. It doesn't seem to phase sd at all. So anything you can send would help.

Thanks so much for your time in writing/reading. Most apprecaited. You've helped tremendously!

Trusting one.

Trusting One - I didn't have

Trusting One - I didn't have diabetes, but I had (still have) life-threatening asthma (take 2 pills every day just to be able to keep my breathing under control) and also underwent a cancer scare and other health issues right when I was 17. I was in the hospital frequently. I have been on life support, and have also had my heart stop and had to be revived (due to not taking medication properly). My asthma is much better now, and my other health issues are somewhat under control, but I still do live with them, and the restrictions that they can place on me, every day.

As the Momster has said, your SD doesn't want this disease so she is acting like if she doesn't act like she has it, then it doesn't exist. THAT is exactly how I have lived my life to some extent. It's a coping mechanism. The old "I'm not going to let this stop me" attitude that will eventually help your SD get along further in life. (My opinion). She doesn't want to let the illness rule her, she will rule the illness.

The other side of it though, is that your SD is dealing with a lot of anger, I believe. Personally, I had a great deal of anger because there were things I wanted to do, and my breathing and my other health issues were putting a damper on my plans. I had to learn to overcome it. One of my very good friends - who had severe kidney disease (like 3 transplants in his short life) - and I bonded. We both felt that if we lived in any other time in history we would both be dead right now. Instead of that making us take care of ourselves better, at the time, it made us throw more caution to the wind and just live as we wanted to live. I used to honestly think that my friend had a death wish.

Your SD should grow out of this, but I wouldn't put some therapy out of the question for her. To address her anger, and her acting out. Because, yes, I truly believe that some of her issues with boys are acting out. I went through it. And that last thing I wanted anything to do with was self help and support groups. I wasn't going to lump myself in with a bunch of people that were crying about their problem. (That's how I saw it back then!) (Also why personal one on one therapy may be better.)

Also, at 17, I realized that the things that a lot of us may want is to have children SOMEDAY, and a family. And even if you don't think you want it, to have that option "taken away" from you is annoying. You may not think of yourself as a family person, but you always want THE OPTION. My asthma was so bad, and my cancer scare and everything else just made me think - I WILL NEVER HAVE THAT. I will never have a man love me, I will never be able to have children, because if you can't breathe for yourself, how can you breathe for 2? How can you take so much medication and not have it affect your baby? How do you, at 16, 17, years old, face a future full of medication and illness and health scares? How do you get a guy to want to spend at least 1x a year in the hospital next to you? It messes with your head. So you act out. I didn't go after other girls' boyfriends, but I did have some relationship issues.

I am guessing that even though, as adults, we KNOW that she can be okay and lead a full, happy life in whatever career path she chooses - and SHE CAN - she doesn't know that. She is still reeling. She just needs some help. She needs to figure out which coping mechanisms can help spur her to be a better person, and which ones hurt her in the long run.

If I can answer any questions for you at all, please feel free to IM me, or write here. I think I understand.

Thank you, Stick!! It sounds

Thank you, Stick!! It sounds like you and my sd have a lot in common. Easier to sympathize. I pray she has the positive outlook you did/do.

Therapy actually IS in her life. Another appointment coming up. Yes, she has alot of anger. She tends to blame "us" when things don't go her way, which I know she will probably outgrow with maturity. I have never talked with her about having children in the future, which is a great thing to discuss with her...never thought about that one. A tremendous quality she has is that she's incredibly loving to small children (including her toddler siblings). I know she'd make a wonderful mom. Thank you for bringing this up!!

Coping mechanisms...I agree. Once she can find her "motivation" and way of coping, I pray she will be set.

You do understand...thanks so much!

I feel better already!!

Trusting One - Thank you!

Trusting One - Thank you! That really makes me feel good.

Another thing you may want to discuss with her, is to give her some kind of choice on HOW she gets her medication. If she feels she has some power over the situation, she will be more likely to stick to it.

For example, I am really bad with inhalers, except for the rescue inhalers. I can't stand them. I don't like having to wake up and take 2 puffs in the morning and then 2 puffs at night, etc etc. I never liked it - the taste, rinsing your mouth out, wondering if you did it right, etc etc. I do much better popping a pill in the morning and being done with it, going on with my day. Then, it doesn't affect me all day. I don't have to think "ohh what time is it?", or oops time to take my meds.

Also, remind her that when she gets older, she may have to remember to take birth control pills, for example. So she CAN do it. Or, she might have to treat a zit every night before bed or something. She can do the structure. She just has to make it NOT IMPORTANT enough to bring her down. Just something she does TO LIVE THE LIFE SHE WANTS!!

Find out what would be the best way she feels she can deal with all of the responsibility, and then let her try it. I am worried that she may need to scare herself in some ways into being more responsible, but that may happen to.

Also, I am not sure I would show her the scare pictures of her own disease because that could either scare her or make her more angry. I would more suggest showing her pictures that state "C'mon... You can do this. There are so many worse things that you could be living with / through." And also, finding celebrities that have Diabetes that she would think "Oh! I didn't know that!!"

She will be okay!! She will! ((( HUGS )))

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