Step Daughter nightmare
I have been married for 19 years, and for 19 years I have been reaching out to my step daugther for a relationship. She can be nice to me if I have something she needs or wants, if not she doesn't acknowledge I exsist.
She lost her job (dont know why) was not able to get unemployment (she said she didn't know why either) and was being evicted from her apartment for non payment, and her car was being repossed. she joined an 8 mo trade school and asked to move home until she could finish school.
No one in the family was willing to take her in - she had used them in the past and they were not willing to go there again.
My husband and I knew it was not going to be a piece of cake, but decided to give it a go...She does no housework, she does not pick up after herself, she does not follow the rules we agreed on.
In addition, she does receive FS and agreed to turn them over to us, we would buy the food to avoid junk food (as my 8 year old grandson is 60 pds over weight). But after the first mo she started spending some and without notice would tell us she was short (from 60 to 100)at the time we were at the store.
She rumaged through my bedroom looking for change and took what she found. It was only when she had taken enough to notice she started leaving IOU's! I was furious she was in my bedroom - she reasoned it was her dads room.
Once when my husband and I were gone she took our truck and ran the gas out running around. We only knew she took it becauce my brother saw her and told us.
She had finished her school, but she lays in bed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon - she cant take her boards because she needs $150, she can't move because she doesn't have a job?
I am so furious with her. Whe I ask what she is doing to get out she says it is none of my business and she is not sharing that with me! I told her I want her out! She refuses to go - now what?
My husband is a mouse - am I missing something?
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Well now we know why the rest
Well now we know why the rest of the family wouldn't take her on don't we. Your husband needs to pack her stuff and put her in the street, but we both know that is not going to happen, no parent could do that. So, unless you guys can come up with some sort of accommodation plan for her I do not know where you stand. I imagine legally you could get her out but morally that's another matter. I don't know what the "Boards" are but I imagine it would not be as simple as you paying the $150 to "take" them, sounds like some sort of exam and she sounds capable of failing it over and over if it keeps her living free in your house. So I guess you are stuck with hiding car keys, putting locks on your bedroom and living like prisoners in your own home till your husband does something about it. Can you get the FS deposited directly into YOUR bank account. Once you make things hard for her she will leave. At the moment sounds as if she is having a pretty good free ride, so why go. So, sorry this is just horrible. Good Luck.
I know "throwing her out"
I know "throwing her out" seemed tough, but she does have somewhere else to go - her husband's apartment. She has been seeing other guys so I believe this is why she doesn't want to go to her husbanc as this activity could not go on. She says her husband has a drug problem, then why is she going to pinics, parties, bringing him home for holidays?? I dont buy it.
My husband thinks I hate her thats why I want her to go now! He says he talks to her in private about her behavior but she doesnt change so there is nothing he can do! Again, I dont buy it.
She has caused so much friction in my home I have a right to say enough is enough! And I am! this morning I told my husband to pack her up and take her to her husbands. We will see now.
Contract! We had 2 children
Contract! We had 2 children that did much the same, had a real hard time taking on responsibility for themselves. One stayed at home for a time after highschool and the other returned when she realized how hard life was. In both cases we had tem agree to a contract of what we expected from them. The girl did well and achieved everything we asked of her. The boy did not and we asked him to leave. We did not find his way or figure it out for him. He was given 2 months to figure it out for himself. They have to learn to stand on their own 2 feet!
Thanks for responding. We had
Thanks for responding. We had an agreement with her, she just doesnt not follow through. She has lied about her FS allowance the past 4 months so she could keep $100 of it for fast food. It was only on my insistance she bring me proof of her FS allowance (the decline) that it suddendly went back up to the original amount in Dec, but then she only gave us 1/2 of her allowance for Dec?
She is a liar, and is disrepectful to me and my husband. I have given her Jan to get out!
"Her father needs to sort her
"Her father needs to sort her out."
Good luck with that!!!
(insert raised eyebrow avatar)
Yes I agree! I have gone to
Yes I agree! I have gone to my husband the past couple of months when it was necessary to have his daughter do something asked of her becauase she will not respond to what I ask her if I ask her directly. My husband gets angry that he has to be in the middle!
He would never say anything to her if I did push!
I will never leave my husband
I will never leave my husband because of the kids - but I can make his life hell until he does something!
Tell little miss thing she
Tell little miss thing she has xxx date to find somewhere else to live . Personally i would give her two weeks. Then Pack her things and put it all on the porch and change the locks. If you DH doesn't have the balls to do something and tries to go against you, his stuff can go out too.
Her father should be handling her but he isn't. It's your house too.
It's your house to, you have
It's your house to, you have say so who lives there and how they live there, right? No adult child ever learns to pick themselves up until they fall and NO ONE is there to pick them back up, if that's what they are used to. People do figure out how to survive on their own, we've been doing it for thousands of years. I have thrown many a friend to the curb with nothing, and I've had several thank me for it because that's what it took to get their own lives together on their own and feel pride in doing so.
Yes I agree with you. I have
Yes I agree with you.
I have had struggles with my two boys in the past. Each one alittle different. I must say as their mother I had an inner strength, and a maternal love to keep trying and thankfully they are maturing into fine young men. Please I dont mean to infer it was a piece of cake. I had to send my oldest sone to live with his father (he was local), but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had warned him if he would not mind me I would send him to his father and change his friends. He pushed and I had to do what I said. It is because of this I feel sending my SD out is not wrong. She has a husbabnd she can move back in with. My husband says it is wrong to make her move and I hate her!
This morning after another argument I told him she needs to go NOW! We will see !
Family pressure! I have
Family pressure! I have offered each person in our extended family to open their homes - ughh,,, not happening! haa haa wonder why. However, that doesn't stop them from putting guilt on me to continue to put up with until she decides to take control of her life.
It has come to just that, it is my home not hers and I am not willing to allow her to disrepect me regardless if she likes me or not. Over the pas 18 years it has been ME who sougt to build some kind of a relationship with her - she takes and spits in my face. I am done and choose not to live with her.
I don't where my husband is coming from but I do understands he loves his daugther right or wrong. What he doesnt understand he is now doing it in OUR home and MY expense.
I will prevail!
Yes I agree, but the
Yes I agree, but the "collective foot" hasn't happened. He is such a mouse. He doesn't want anyone mad at him so he won't take an assertive role.
He does tell me he talks to her in private, but she doesnt do what he asks either.
As fas as renting her a place I don't believe that is reasonable. As soon as they do a credit check on her they wont rent to her. She was just evicted for non payment. I would never co sign for her.
SUMMERFLOWERS actually has
SUMMERFLOWERS actually has your answer I think. He will not throw her out with the child, you wouldn't do it to yours, summerflowers wouldn't do it to hers, and I wouldn't do it to mine. So, we will have to excuse him on that one.
BUT.............her idea of renting a cheap place month to month for her, I think he would buy that one. Make it a room, or a bungalow or a caravan for that matter whatever is the cheapest, move her in, and never move her back into your home ever again. She will I can absolutely promise you as summerflowers says find someone else to mooch from, these people always, always, always do, so all you need to do is get her out so she can find someone else to sponge off. Well done summerflowers.
Actually I will - My grandson
Actually I will -
My grandson is 8 and about 60 pounds over weight. She feeds him fast food because she is too lazy to cook. She runs around and brings him home around 10 or sometime later on school nights. In the morning she may take him straight to school with nothing to eat, or open a can of soup and hand him a spoon to eat on the way. As his Grandparents we are not able to do anything about how she is rasing him, my husband says its her kid we don't have a right too. She wont move and leave him, so THEY BOTH MUST GO. I will not be held hostage.
Oregon has emergency programs for homeless womem with children. I guess she will need to experience that or go home to her husband.
well done. The emergency
well done. The emergency program sounds just what she needs, and getting outsiders involved in this way may just be in the child's best interests beause emergency program workers would have duty of care to the child and they may just step in and do something. Sounds a good idea to me and the way things are, you have nothing to lose here except your misery and everything to gain. Good Luck.