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Boyfriends daughter rebelling

tdaigle31's picture

Submitted by tdaigle31 on Wed, 03/05/2014 - 7:24pm

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He has a 16 year old daughter who still dislikes my 3 year old son and myself. Her mom and dad have been separated since he was five. She ignores my son and myself constantly. She purposely starts texting her dad all evening when she knows when we are together; she purposely lies where she's goes places where she know she not suppose to be just to cause problems between us. I'm distraught over the situation...

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 03/05/2014 - 7:40pm

Disenage. You don't have to be close with her. You don't have to love or like her. She doesn't have to love or like you or your son.

However, disengaging doesn't mean being a doormat. If she's being rude/mean to you and your son, you absolutely need to say something to her.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Wed, 03/05/2014 - 7:46pm

And regarding the texting all evening when you and your bf are together, talk to HIM about that. Tell him that you would prefer that when he is with you he is focussed on YOU, not texting people all night (pretend you don't even know who it is) It's just rude IMHO to be hanging out with someone, and be facebooking/texting the whole time.

If you want to spend time with me - spend that time WITH ME.

(ok..... so yeah, my OH will sit all night and text and fb the sd13 and ss10 and still claim that as couple time he spent with me.... like WTF are you even texting your 10yo for at 10.30pm? Shouldn't that kid be in bed????)

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 03/05/2014 - 8:23pm

Definitely disengage from her petty crap. Your boyfriend has to teach her boundaries and let her know when she's crossing them. E.g. when he is with you, unless it's an emergency, she shouldn't be texting - and he shouldn't be responding.

SD used to do that to me - but she'd ring instead of text. The calls would be about her not being able to sleep 'cos she needed him to be there to sing to her. DH didn't have boundaries then - didn't even know about them. This site helped me a LOT! We've also had counselling and have been told that SD wanted to be in the inner core of our relationship. Sounds like that's what your SD is doing - she's trying to piss on "her" territory, and let you know she's #1. Ridiculous.

Only your boyfriend can stop this. He has to let her know the imporance of allowing him the space to be with you. He can help her emotionally by guiding her and teaching her how to accept you. He has to be with you 100% and support your relationship so it can grow.