Hey! I am a newbie as well. My husband and I have been together for about 5 yrs. We have been married for 1 1/2 yrs. When we started dating I did not meet his children for a couple months. They were 2 yrs and 4 yrs. Their BM was a couple grades in school behind me. We even went to church together, so she knew what kind of a person I was. They were not married. After dating and meeting my husbands kids, she became very jealous. She asked if we would sit down with her and talk. We did. I told her from the start, when he has the kids.....I WILL treat them as my own. She did NOT like that comment. I have no kids of my own. It has been a nightmare! She would be nice one minute and then bash me the next. I really, really tried to get along with her, for the kids. She is bipolar. We could not go one day without hearing from her. She sent so many text messages that all of them would not fit in a 5 subject notebook. I spent hours on the phone with her assuring her that I was not trying to take her place. She was drunk! She is an alcoholic and drug addict. She would call my husband and say the boys said things and lie about everything. She tried to turn the boys against us. She did not want them to like me, but they did. Everytime she called she was drunk so I started recording the conversations. I took them all and put on a disk for court. For Christmas we got the oldest a $10 track phone because we worried when they were with her. He called us one night and was crying saying daddy please come and get me I want to come home. We called 911. The police had went up to her house. She was gone. Her mom and dad picked the boys up so we knew they were safe. We even talked to them on the phone. Well, come to find out she had been very drunk and pushed the oldest boy. That is why he called. My husband went and got a restraing order on their behalf. It has went down hill since. She was only getting to see them on weekends with her mom supervising, then she got to have an overnight. She got SO many chances. It was UNREAL! She KEPT messing up! 2 1/2 yrs ago was one of the last times she REALLY messed up! She got drunk and her boyfriend at the time kicked her out! That was the last straw with the court. They granted my husband FULL custody. He was the custiodal parent and she had NO rights. She was only allowed to see them supervised at the FRC 4 hours a month. The oldest had grown to hate her and does not want to see her. They make his go to counseling. They are 8 yrs and 6 yrs now. I love them like they are my own. They call me mom! They call their BM by her first name. She gets disability and does not work. She lives with a guy she met in AA. He is also in the same boat as her. She is taking us back to court for more visitaion, unsupervised. The Guardian thinks 8 months has been long enough being clean. Well, come to find out, she has not been clean for a full 8 months. But she is getting another chance. UNREAL! He mom and stepdad also took us to court for visitaion. We were already letting them see the boys. We always put the boys feeling first. We never kept her parents from them. They are our babysitters. Things are so hard! I feel like they are mine, even though I am just step mom. You do not have to have had the child to be a mother. I love them boys so much! But I have NO rights as a step mom. They will not even let me be in the court room even though I am the primary caregiver. It just is not fair!
Anyone that has some advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

DH has carried his kids on his insurance since the divorce five years ago. We are already planning to keep them on insurance past 18, and as long as necessary, with or without BM's contribution. It will destroy their lives should something medically traumatic happen before they can get their own life insurance. I just couldn't do that to them. BUT, we will provide it because we can and because we want to, not because we have to. That is a big difference to my mind. So, do what you feel is right for your situation, but you are not obligated to do anything.