Friday we met with our attorney to discuss the hearing officer conference that occurred almost 3 weeks ago (atty couldn't find the time to tell us until then). She basically said that during the conference, BM's atty threw around Parental Alienation. However, she never wrote it in any of the pleadings and never asked for it to be considered as or with the bullshit contempt charges they are already trying to sell. Hearing Officer asshole just ate it all up and wants Dh to serve jail time for it.

Our atty told us that our biggest problem is basically me and anything I or me and Dh have done. She actually said that it looks bad for us that I'm such a involved and good "mother". Like everything that I do out of the goodness of my heart as I believe a good parent (step or otherwise) should do is wrong because BM should be the one to do that stuff even though she has not and will never in a million years. I even told them that SS7 is not getting special treatment or "mother-son" treatment. I am like this with all kids. I treat him the way I think kids should be treated. I treat all of my nieces and nephews like this. If a kid is under my roof or in my care or just simply in my life, I go all out for them and take the best care of them as possible. When I love, I love fully and completely and to the best of my ability. The atty also sited some case that basically says that parents have a constitutionally protected right to their children as if they were property. She said that BM has the right to get to parent her child. I said "so does that mean she has the right to destroy him?". She has the right to parent him in her F'd up fashion just like kids get to rip the heads off of their dolls just because it's theirs.

Our atty also said that the reason why appears like we would just stoop to any means of getting rid of BM is because I'm intelligent. Can you believe that is actually a bad thing to these F'n people?! Their crack pot theory is that I'm so smart that I'm the master mind behind this evil plot to get rid of BM because I want to be her son's mom. While I love SS and he does call me and thinks of me as his mom and I basically act according to those feelings he has, he isn't exactly a mother's dream. Frankly, if I wanted some ready made family, wouldn't or couldn't I have picked a cuter, less F'd up kid whose BM was gone or even better DEAD!! Anyone who knows me knows that the only thing I've ever wanted was to have my own kids and be a wonderful mother to them. Why would I want this F'd up situation?! BM and possibly SS are bi-polar, and they control every damn aspect of my life. My dad is very controlling, quite possibly bi-polar himself, had to walk on eggshells everyday around him, and was extremely abusive to my family. When I was 12, I woke up and just had enough of his abuse. My big brother and I told him that we didn't want to have anything to do with him. He contacted us by e-mail to still let us know he loved and missed us and wanted to have a relationship with us, but respected our wishes and stayed away. Still to this day as married adults he sends us birthday and christmas checks, and he even loaned Dh and I thousands to help pay for atty/court fees and costs. Now everyday I walk on eggshells and have 2 nutjobs controlling my life. If I wanted that kind of life so bad like they're saying, why wouldn't I just go back to having a relationship with my dad. On the way home, I just cried and told Dh that I should just leave as all I am doing is creating problems and ruining their lives. He got mad at me for saying that and said that I'm the best thing to ever happen to them.

Saturday was our home visit with the GALs. Our atty already freaked us out the day before by saying that it already appears as though they have sided against us and have fallen into BM's trap of lies and manipulations and the poor me victim mother of the year routine. Everyone on this site told me to be in the background and speak only when spoken to. I did that and only spoke when they asked me a direct question. As they left, Dh walked them to their car and said "My atty believes that y'all have already sided against me. Could you please just have an open mind and give me a chance? We really do have SS's best interest at heart. At least for his sake, give me a fair chance." They said that they have not made up their minds and that it is obvious that we love him very much and take the best care of him. From my read on them, I think they are keeping their minds open, but their supervising atty/law professor has made hers up. We even found out that she called BM after our atty called her to inform her of some recent bad parenting at a supervised visit causing BM to start a text message argument.

Saturday was also SS's visit with BM as we had plans on Sunday. He has been telling us that he has been acting uncharacteristically affectionate to her because he is scared of her. We thoroughly explained that there is nothing to be scared of during those visits as he is supervised by many police officers and social workers. We also explained that if he doesn't want to be there all he has to do is tell them and he can come home no questions asked, no trouble. After we drop him off, the lady who runs the program said that she talked to BM and the monitor who watched their last visit. BM says that she never ever talked to SS or Dh about shortening the visits to 3hrs instead of the 5hrs. 1) SS came out of the supervision room during the visit before this one and said "BM is going to talk to you about making it 3hrs because she says I get bored." 2) BM then called Dh shortly after we picked him up. He asked her "SS said you wanted to talk to me about reducing the time?" She said yes and then explained her bullshit reason why. My mom and I were in the room during the call and heard the entire conversation as the bitch is loud. Now this evil bitch says that conversation never took place and that there he goes making up more lies about her. The lady who runs the program believes her and was looking at us, but mainly me, like we were lying pieces of shit. It really makes me wonder whether or not she is just such a compulsive, pathological liar or if she has some mental disorder that doesn't allow her to commit everything to memory or has split personalities. My mom rejects this notion as I'm "making excuses for the bitch." I just can't fathom someone being able to lie about something so factual that there are witnesses to it.

I was so angry and pissed off after that because I'm so tired of being looked at like that when I am so above all of this trashy shit. However, my feelings only got worse from there. SS stayed the entire 5 hrs for the visit, which he hasn't done the for the past 3 visits. After we told him he could leave whenever he wanted and he gives us so much shit about going, we thought he would have called us early. They said he was all over her again like a leech. I was so F'n angry and betrayed. Why the hell does he keep lying? All the lying is going to do is end his daddy's ass up in jail. He is playing right into their PAS argument by saying and acting one way to us (which we express to the court) then go act lovey dovey with her. WE DO NOT PAS HIM, NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL! However, he makes it look like we are. It was based on everything that he told us about her, plus testimony from her mother to back it up, that we pursued everything we did in court even a failed adoption attempt. He was the one who would randomly blurt out shit about not loving her, not missing her, wanting to be adopted by me, her not being part of his family, etc. It's so ridiculous to be accused of talking shit about her when the truth is that we simply never talked about her. We have such a full life that there was never any time or necessary moment to talk about her.

I hope nobody thinks I'm some evil bitch for being mad at him for acting that way with her. If from the first day I showed up he acted that way with her, there would be no issue. The problem is that he is acting like that with her after she abandoned him for year, was just a shitty inattentive, abusive "mom" when she was
around, and molested him in June. If I would've known that he would treat someone who hits him so good, I would've been hitting his ass as I've fantasized about it oh so many times. In all the time that I have been involved, I have been cleaning up behind her mess, being a good caring and loving mother to "her" kid, and giving him the best life to where other kids are jealous that he has me. I sacrifice everything for him only for him to treat me like shit and treat her like she's the good one. Where the hell has she been during all the tough times? Where the hell was she when he needed to be held? Where the hell was she when he was being a hateful asshole? Where was she when he needed help with homework, cub scouts, sports, karate, etc? She was out living fancy free without a care in the world. I'm here suffering and sacrificing and she's out having all kinds of free fun time with her boyfriend. Dh and I literally do nothing without him ever! Everywhere we go with him, he ruins it by turning into BM Jr. and acting like a F'n asshole. It feels sometimes like Dh and I roommates with benefits, and I'm his personal assistant, nanny, doctor, therapist, atty, maid, errand bitch!

I just don't know what to think anymore. I can't believe a word out of his mouth. He has always said "You're the best momma in the whole world!" How do I know he's doesn't tell her the same thing? He runs up to me, hugs me, and tells me he loves me. How do I know he didn't just do that to her? I don't want any of that bitch's sloppy seconds. I'm starting to hate him. He makes me wish that Dh would just get fed up with how he ruins and will continue to ruin our lives and the life we want to have and just get rid of him. I know many of you probably think I'm the worse person in the world for saying that, but I'm just being honest with how I feel and the thoughts that pop up in my head. Dh and I really could have a wonderful life together if it wasn't for this shit. The stress of this situation is physically damaging me. For him to lie, it makes all of this stress, fighting, money, and effort all in vain. We give him the world and such an amazing life. Why would he F' that up for that piece of shit? The whole year she just backed out of his life he never mentioned her once. Why is he up her ass now so much so that he would risk losing this wonderful life and sending his dad to jail?