Does it ever get better!??
So ive been with my bf for nearly 2 years now, we are very much still in love and enjoying each others company.... BUT will i ever be able to tolerate his two children!?? They dont like me, and quite frankly i find it very hard to tolerate them and their behavior. My bf is 10 years older, and had his children young, so there is a pretty minimal age gap between me and his boys. They are difficult, picky and very spoilt by there BM. I thought things would get easier when my bf eventually moved out of his rental and into a three bedded house- i thought we would all get together and at least bond a little bit!? no. They dont come round when im here and i avoid the place when they are about. I know a lot of the hostility comes from me but im just stumped as how to change my feelings toward them. Its like being given two teenagers from the street corner and told to bond with them. I just dont know how to move things on and its frustraiting me, and causing a strain in the relationship (the only thing we actually argue about!)
I recently went to university, a good 2 hours away from him, and hoped that it would sort out my head, but ive ended up resenting even there names being mentioned, and planning my visits home when they are safely away with there BM. I love my bf trully and really need to get over this. I know people say "love him, love his children" but i find that impossible.
any help would be appreciated!
thanks,
Superstar 
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Let me start by saying, you
Let me start by saying, you do not have to love his children because you love him. No, no, no. If you haven't already, you should read "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin. That book helped me immensely last year leading up to a month-long SD extravaganza over the summer.
I care about my SD, because she is an important part of FDH's life and I know she means a lot to him - and she deserves to have a good life, have all her needs met, and have the opportunity of a future of her own. BUT...I do not tolerate her behavior towards me or FDH one bit. She's rude, she's insolent, she's ungrateful, and she acts like the world owes her just for existing. She treats me like garbage, she's disrespectful towards FDH, and she's just generally turning into a younger version of her mother. In fact, there are times when I just can't stand to look at her or hear her name because she's that infuriating. That's where I learned to set up a boundary with FDH. Because there's a lot of drama tied to our situation, I have told him that I will let him know if I'm comfortable talking about SD or GUBM with him if he has something to talk about. If I'm not in a good place - I have a lot of health and anxiety issues - I ask to talk about it at another time.
However, it has gotten better if only for our relationship. He understands that I don't need to be SD's doormat and that not tolerating her nonsense is not an indication of not liking her or not caring about her. He understands when I need to walk away from her bratty behavior and leave them by themselves. He understands - now - when I need to disengage from SD to preserve my own health and sanity. And he also understands that I will never tolerate her treating him poorly, much like I will never tolerate GUBM treating him poorly.
Something that I wish someone had told me before I got involved with someone with kids? SD does not have to like me. And likewise, I don't have to like SD, because let's face it, she's not a flippin picnic to be around, that's for sure. Sometimes she's downright irritating and infuriating. Heck, I've heard parents say that about their own kids so it makes me feel better when I feel that way at times about SD.
You certainly don't have to
You certainly don't have to love them, but if you love your bf and want the relationship to work you do need to try to aim for a civil relationship with his sons. I get that it's difficult if the age gap is small, and that adolescent boys can be very difficult to socialise with, but avoiding them altogether and then even getting annoyed when they are mentioned is going to make things very difficult for both you and your SO.
You say they don't like you, but the situation seems a bit chicken and egg - if you avoid BF's place when they are there then they probably believe that you don't like them. If you've already made a real effort and had it thrown back in your face then fair enough, I don't advocate flogging a dead horse and you then need to aim for some detachment where you accept that you and his children have separate spaces in SO's life and try not to resent your choice. But your post reads like you have been resentful and avoiding them pretty much from the outset 'I know a lot of the hostility comes from me' and if that's the case, and it is causing a strain in your relationship, you might want to consider a low key campaign to spend a little positive time with them and try some fake it till you make it effort, with the goal that you can occasionally spend some time together.
Everything all of the above
Everything all of the above posters stated is correct... BUT, don't forget to ration in a dose of reality here too though. You don't come out and say it in your post, but you surely do imply that you and your BF's kids are pretty close in age, he's older than you, and you just started going to University.
So.... outsiders POV- Dad has a hot, young new piece of ass he's parading around and you're upset because his kids don't take your budding relationship seriously or treat you with respect? Why WOULD they?
If this is a serious and committed relationship, then maybe it's time to be meeting the SKids and developing what your combined lives will look like. But it doesn't even sound like you guys should really even be there yet. Or if you are, that the two of you as a couple have not really prepared for this.
Surely you had to know that dating a man with kids close to your age was going to have some issues, no?