SS4 said something to BM about me around a year ago. It was untrue, but BM totally believed the crap that came out of a THREE year olds mouth, and acted on it causing stress towards DH and I over it. 

My original blog about it: http://www.steptalk.org/node/182755

SS is a good boy. I think that he might have just been talking without thinking, and didn't actually *mean* to lie about me, he just talks non stop and sometimes his imagination takes hold. Like I said, he was THREE. 

But regardless of me (hoping) that that's all it was, and that he didn't deliberately lie, ever since then, I've felt very unsafe around SS and have not enjoyed his company *at all* 

About a year has passed and I've continued to distance myself from him a lot, and have been worrying lately that he might notice.. I hug and kiss DD15months all the time, but never go up to SS and do that. 

I always return the hugs *he* gives *me* but I'm never the one to initiate any affectionate behaviour with him.

Anyway.. This weekend, SS hurt DD15months (by accident) by smacking her in the mouth with one of his toys. The kids were playing in the other room, when we heard her start crying. SS came running in and said "I hit DD in the face and she's crying!" he was clearly panicked and upset. He adores his sister.

DD had a small amount of blood coming from her lip, but turned out it was just a bump on the mouth, she was fine. 

After poor little DD stopped crying, I went up to SS, held him close and said "SS, she's ok sweetie. You must be a bit more careful while playing with your sister, but I'm so proud of you for telling the truth about what happened"

It didn't even occur to me to be angry at him for hurting my baby daughter. It was the first time in a longgg time that I initiated a hug with SS, and it may sound silly but it made me feel so much better to realise that I don't *dislike* SS, I just feel uncomfortable around him with what he can say to BM to cause drama. 

Anyway. It was an upsetting situation as DD was hurt, but it led to a nice realisation about my relationship with SS4. I've been in his life since he was a few months old, and it's been about a year since I felt any kind of closeness with him.

I realise how messed up that sounds! SS hurts DD, and I hug him/ feel close to him?!! I guess I was just impressed that he was honest about what happened and was concerned for his sister. He's a lovely boy, I just need to figure out how to be around him comfortably, without worrying about him causing drama with BM. 

I think it's mainly *my* problem for worrying so much about what BM thinks. I shouldn't care if SS says anything to BM. but.. unfortunately, I still do :/