Dear Amy: I recently got engaged to "Carol," who will eventually be stepmother to my 9-year-old son. We are madly in love but want to take our time setting a date. We're not in a rush, and no one is pushing us, except my ex-wife.

On Saturdays she insists on making herself at home in our kitchen when she drops off our son for the weekend. We're friendly, but then she'll start butting into my personal business. For instance, recently she insisted that we shouldn't wait to get married.

She stated her opinion several times, but bringing it up in our kitchen on a Saturday morning crossed the line! It was obvious that Carol was uncomfortable, but we let it go, knowing that my ex and I should be peaceful toward each other. How can I set a boundary around my personal life without upsetting my ex? — Conflicted Ex

Dear Conflicted: I'm stuck on the concept that you are worried about setting a boundary for fear of upsetting your ex-wife. Why should her feelings take precedence over your feelings or those of your fiancee?

If your ex-wife starts making suggestions about your romantic life, you should tell her, "When we're ready to discuss our marriage plans, we'll let you know."

Do not play this out in front of your son.