OT - People will think I'm crazy
I know that most people on here do NOT want BM in their home, nor do they want DH to go to BM home. We have always been different in that regard and have always enforced the "come into our home when you pick up child" so that it doesn't look awkward or hostile.
Well, DH has gotten BM to agree to child support. Granted, she gets 2 years to pay us and she gets to pay us less than she would if we took her to court, but she feels that he is ripping her off.
So now, she doesn't come in to pick up SD for her visitation. It doesn't really bother me... I don't have to see her whiny stupid face. But I think it bothers SD. She now calls when she is outside of our apartment building and asks SD to come out. I think it's weird. DH was going to call BM and tell her to cut out the dumb stuff, but I told him to wait. Let's see how SD comes in after their visit today and then we'll proceed. Yesterday, BM stopped by for no reason ... just to see SD. Since they were outside, I do not know what was said, but SD came in very depressed and anxious.
Any thoughts at all out there???
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Yeah... you ARE crazy...
LOL... nah just kidding... whatever might work for some families might not work for others...
In our case, we DOn't see the point of going in the house other than knocking on the door...
But I wouldn't have a problem if BM wanted to see her daughter's room, or if she wanted to talk about something important...
Only if it is NEEDED
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
So
you invite her in so that it doesn't look awkward or hostile? To whom? If you don't mind my asking. I could care less what the neighbors think because they have NOOO idea. As for the skids... they KNOW that BM is not quite there. They know that she is an unbearable beast most days...even to and with them. Hell, she's even told SS that she would disown him if he sided with me. No regard to the emotional trauma and scars that she is creating. No regard to how lying for her is a bad reflection on HIS character. All that matters is that she LOOKS right! Yea...Don't think I could care. You are surely better than I am.
Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P
Prince
So it doesn't look too hostile or awkward to SD. She KNOWS when BM is being stand offish. It used to really bother her when BM would come to our place and just beep the horn. She'd want her to come and see the flowers we planted, or something she made, or something her dad made. It used to really bother her that her mom acted like we were the plague. So, in the interest of SD, that's why we asked her to come in. The neighbors and anyone else can take a flying leap if they don't like what we are doing.. it was all in the interest of SD.
When you are referring to emotional trauma and scars... that's what she was creating with SD. Making her feel bad about where she was. So we told BM.. we don't care if you are uncomfortable, put your game face on for your daughter, make nice and get in here. (Meanwhile, DH and I couldn't stand her either, or her stupid pouty-ness while looking at everything in our place, taking a silent inventory....)
Anyway, she showed up today and didn't pull anything on SD. Didn't pressure her and actually had a plan! Usually she shows up for her visitation and then asks SD, so what do yo want to do? All the while complaining that she has no money, and can't afford her house and her car. She makes SD feel awful all the time. At least tonight, she showed up with a plan of something for them to do, and didn't put any pressure on her of where SD lives... I'm holding my breath to see how long this lasts.
WOW
That is just crazy. We tried it and it was not good. The BM we deal with is antagonistic and likes to argue and make like she is ready to fight and I'm talking balled fists and all. I don't dare invite that into my home anymore. Now she politely knocks on the door and returns to her car or calls and waits patiently outside. Hats off to you for being able to do that. Your BM must be just right of sane. Ours put the cuckoo in coco puffs.
Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P
Prince
You are right about your BM... I don't think I would let anyone into my home that comes in with balled fists! I'd be worried they'd break something (and not just me!!)
Yes, our BM is just a hair on the right side of sane. Sometimes she says stuff that DH and I look at each other like Scooby Doo and go "hhuuuuh???".... But it usually only lasts a day at the most... sometimes she'll switch back and forth in the same conversation to being "sane" and completely off her rocker! Makes me laugh!! Drives DH crazy!! ha!
Your BM sounds just NUTSO. I don't know how you do it girl. I'm glad she at least knocks and then goes back to her car and waits. I'm glad you've got her "trained" to at least do that!! I'm sure she's seething while she does it... oh well, too bad for her that she's an idiot!
Our BM does drive by pick
Our BM does drive by pick ups and drop offs. BM never gets out of the car. BM makes the skids follow the car and load themselves in she even had SS9 buckling SS6 seatbelt because he didnt know how to! BM has been doing this for 2 years so I really think its inappropriate for a 7 year old to be securing a 4 year old into a car seat!
What is so hard about knocking on a door or even being smart enough to secure your kids in the car yourself when they are obvioulsy to young to do so themselves!!
WTH is wrong with these women? Principlist I need some lessons from you girl! We need to get BM trained for sure. Stick what you and DH have been doing is noble.I give you both alot of credit.
It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.
Emily Dickinson