Still Irks Me
Ive posted a couple times before about this so I'm trying to reflect. As previously mentioned, I have a roller coaster relationship with SD14. When she likes me, we're thick as thieves, but then she turns and acts like she doesnt know me. It's beyond frustrating and now I brought it up in therapy and the therapist said "she sounds like a normal teen and you shouldnt care." But i do care. i've tried not to care but it irks me that this Jekyl/Hyde situation is happening in my own house and it makes me feel super awkward in my own home.
I dont think it's a "normal" teen thing nor should anyone gives teens an excuse to act so moody.Yea I get it's going to happen but she could also be kept in check for it too. So now I guess it's my problem and I have to figure out how to not care. However, that sounds simple but it's hard to turn off the feelings of rejection or being an outsider in my own home. I hate it and I hate the fact that nothing I do or have done with her matters. She will just turn on me whenever she wants.
So...how does one stop caring? How do you go into "robot mode" and not give AF?
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Comments
I absolutely do not like one
I absolutely do not like one of my skids however, I still care about him like a teacher would care about a student. Stop going things for your SD and just be cordial to her. That is what I do with my OSS. He is a freaking monster and I just have had enough of his crap however, I am not going to give him the power anymore to push my buttons. I just keep telling myself that this is not my kid so I shouldn't care about him because he doesn't care about me.
It's not so much about not
It's not so much about not caring about SD but not allowing her moods & actions to affect you. Meaning if it bothers you that much don't engage with her. Be cordial but keep a safe distance so she doesn't rub off her negativity on you. You can care & love her from far. It's a healthy thing to take care of you and your needs, so place how you feel as a priority. When she pulls her Jekyll & Hyde just walk away and do not entertain.
Leave it up to her dad and proceed to do something you enjoy.
It is a teen thing. It is
It is a teen thing. It is rooted in biology to a certain extent. Nature is telling them to go forth.. form their own families and procreate.. Nature is telling them to wean themselves from their bio family and make one of their own..
So.. especially a young teen will still alternate clinging to the family.. and pushing the family away. They are kids.. but still adults. They want independence.. but protection at the same time.
Deal with it like parents always have.. don't give her an audience for her moodiness. She acts like a turd.. she can be a turd in the privacy of her own room where she can think hateful thoughts about the world. When she is a pleasant person.. you treat her pleasantly.. when she is objectionable.. call it out.. when she is just moody.. ignore.
What you shouldn't do (and it's hard) is to take it personally... it isn't meant personally.. it's hormones raging around and conflicting emotions about growing up.. and suzy said her shirt was ugly and the boy she likes is dating someone else.
You're Right
Yes, I do need to not let it trigger me because it's only hurting myself.
I'm not a therapist so I
I'm not a therapist so I could be wrong, but "it shouldnt bother you" doesn't seem very helpful if that's all she said about it. Shouldnt she be helping to answer the questions you have?
agreed
yea, it felt weird to hear that because...it does...it does bother me living with jekyl and hyde. teenager moodiness or not. she's not my kid...i dont have the "cute cuddly" times to remember when she's being like that. i feel like i live with a stranger. like im in college with a random roommate again.
Teens act this way toward
Teens act this way toward their bio parents too. Problem is you are uncomfortable in your home, which I am everyday with the SDs. Maybe she needs to take her attitude to her room. I used to send my kids to their room and told them they could come back when they are ready...meaning when they are ready to not be assholes. Although that was over 10 years ago and they didnt have smart phones & ipads or a tv in their room. When they decided to come back they were welcomed.
SD17 stays in her room all day and hates everyone so I get this doesnt work with all kids. I have used it with the younger skids and they would call can I come out now and I would tell them they can come out whenever they are ready and they'd come down with a new attitude. They never really act up in front of me or give me an attitude because I dont allow it but they give DH such an attitude. He lays down like a door mat.