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My husband and I are on our way to divorce court.

Stepoffive's picture

Submitted by Stepoffive on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:16pm

I just cant take it anymore. I have been married to my husband for one year. During this year its been one dramatic thing after another. First I have three children, they were all suppose to come and live with us. My husband has five children who were living with both him and their mother. When he married me, his exwife went bananas their friendly relationship has deteriorated and now she refuses to care for the children and brought them to our house and dropped them off and has never returned. My three children cried and cried to be with their dad and then he ran off and took them to Atlanta, I live in Md. My exhusband was not very pleased when I remarried and at first wouldnt bring the kids back and was arguing and fighting with me often. Then the fighting died down and he was willing to return the children, well then my current husband became angry and said I am not caring for his children. So of course when his exwife decides she isnt going to care for her children anymore my husband is looking at me to care for them and now I am like WTF! Because he didnt even want to care for mine and now wants me to care for his. On top of it all, his exwife hates me, plays on my phone and sends me threatening emails all the time. Its a fiasco, yet I am in love with my husband and I dont want to leave him. Oh and get this my husband travels for work and is away at least six months out of the year, so sole responsibility for his children will be on me. Not to mention that the youngest child is 11 months old!!!! His mother left him while he was still nursing!!! The oldest one is 8 and is mentally challenged. HELP!! I think I bit off more than I could chew.

Comments

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:22pm

What about counseling or parenting classes?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

BlackDahlia's picture

Submitted by BlackDahlia on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 5:16pm

You've been married for a year but the youngest stepkid is 11 months old?

We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.

Conflicted's picture

Submitted by Conflicted on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:24pm

WOW.... Don't really know what to say. I know that I could not handle a situation such as yours.... mostly because dh is gone 6 months out of the year so you would be the sole caretaker of HIS kids.... I could not live my life raising his babies (literally) while my own kids were away. BTW.... What kind of mother leaves her baby when he is still nursing? BM sounds like a real piece of work.... I wonder if she had mental issues?
My bf and I have 5 kids between the two of us and thats hard.... you're talking a total of 7 kids one of which is a baby and one mentall challenged?? I couldn't do it....

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:26pm

If you still love your husband, you need to try to work this out and make your marriage work. 1 year is not a long time. This has blown up because BM was po'ed that DH remarried. Don't let her get the best of you. Track her down. Hire a private investigator if you have to, but find her and make her own up to her responsibilities as a mother. Then, seek counseling quickly to find a remedy that everyone can live with. 8 kids is a LOT of work, don't get stuck with it all.

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:28pm

Wow I can't even imagine how you feel right now. So are your children with you? Which means you would have 8 kids in your household? I'm sorry but I think your DH is being alittle selfish WRT his needs/kids needs versus your needs/kids needs.
I agree with MM, how about counseling?

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:35pm

I just dont even know what to say. I think DH's expectations of you are a bit too high. I do agree with the counseling thing, though. Go alone, even if he isn't in the picture.

gazoogleheimer's picture

Submitted by gazoogleheimer on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:39pm

Are you in love with your husband, all of who he is? Or are you in love with the idea you had of who you thought he was & who you thought he would be if things worked out the way you hoped that they would?

Because, this man you told us about in this post doesn't seem to respect you as an individual human being with whom he wants to join in a life's journey. You don't seem to be sharing each other's physical and emotional life experiences very much, from what you've said here.

Stepoffive's picture

Submitted by Stepoffive on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 2:58pm

Wow you really hit me right there, I have to really evaluate this further. But now I am feeling like I am here with his kids alone, and I want to leave but what am I going to do with the kids, the baby in particular is very attached to me. Like I feel kinda guilty just leaving them.

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 1:47pm

I don't understand if you have your children or not? I don't think I could love or respect someone who didn't want to have my children, let alone later ask me to take care of his. And on top of that he's away for six months...ridiculous, I think he wants a babysitter, not a wife.

sparky's picture

Submitted by sparky on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 2:27pm

Stepoffive, Your H needs to change jobs or this is never going to work. Why should you spend the best years of your life being an indentured servant for mom and dad? No one on earth would take on this kind of challenge and its not your responsibility. You have 3 kds of your own that need a mother so go take care of them. You can go to counseling but thats not going to change the fact that you have 5 children that are in crisis mode and the parents do not care.