What I didn’t realize about marrying someone with kids
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I didn’t realize I would be expected to give my time, my money, my emotions and well being with little being returned. I didn’t realize how I would be subjected to such cruelty, wastefulness and meaness from his children and I could do nothing about it. I didn’t realize I would have to put up with such disrespect from my husbands mother and his ex. Those are things I was not expecting.
it's never too late to leave.
it's never too late to leave. You deserve better.
Don't be afraid to leave!
There were many things I didn't realize also (who would "expect" such rediculous things??). Once I did, tried to correct the issues to no avail and came to the realization those things would not only not get better but were getting worse.... I left.
Don't live miserable!
I HATE hearing "Well, you
I HATE hearing "Well, you knew he had kids when you married him...you should have known what to expect!" I'm sorry, but there is NO WAY to know what to expect. Even Bio Parents don't know what to expect when they have their own child. You can't know until you go through it yourself, and there are reasons why many marriages fail because of stepkids. Mine is good at the moment, but there have been many times when the disrespect, lying, manipulation and lack of basic manners and hygiene have made me want to end it. I understand.
Georgina29~ I don't agree
Georgina29~ I don't agree with this statement that you made "I didn’t realize how I would be subjected to such cruelty, wastefulness and meaness from his children and I could do nothing about it. I didn’t realize I would have to put up with such disrespect from my husbands mother and his ex. Those are things I was not expecting. "
You DO NOT under any circumstances HAVE to put up with it and you ALWAYS have the option of doing something about it. You are not powerless! As far as expectations I agree most would not expect this awful behavior but you don't have to tolerate and feel like you are obligated to take the BS.
What we do for our stepkids is not mandatory. Look at it as something you chose to do, not obligated to. The only thing you owe them is to be cordial and even that can be limited if they mistreat you, than of course I would recommend disengagement. You can't control what they say or do what you can control your actions to the situation, meaning no longer having to interact with them in any capacity. So don't ever feel like you don't have a choice because you do.
Oh, but you don't have to put
Oh, but you don't have to put up with it. Nor do you have to give anything that you are not willing to give.
You have the right to stand
You have the right to stand up for yourself.
That being said, I can
That being said, I can totally relate to how you feel. I had no idea step life would be like this. MIL and his ex aren’t so bad, it’s his kids. They argue and are needy and are know it all and can never be wrong or the world will end and they think they can order adults around. I can’t stand them!
I agree. My significant
I agree. My significant others kids are entitled, spoiled and do not like being told no. They also order adults around. I will not allow them to order me around so they throw a tantrum appropriate for a much younger child than themselves when I tell them no and Im the bad guy suddenly. Sorry but kids should not be ordering adults around. It is a child worshipping household which is a complete mess. We just got back from a road trip and his daughter wouldn't shut up in the car even though she had Ipad, movie player, plenty of books and toys. She always wants more and whatever others have or throws a tantrum. While on our trip she intentionally knocked a chair over. It fell on my side and nearly caused damaged to the wall where we were staying. Im so tired of it.
I really don't think it needs
I really don't think it needs to be that way.
Time - your time is yours and you owe your husband's children nothing.
Money - your money is yours, yes unfortunately marrying someone with children means there are added expenses. But you still have a say what he does with his money/your money.
Children being mean? Then they don't get to stay in YOUR house. I would never stand for that. If they are being rude or disrespectful, they're not allowed.
Good luck... not easy
If
you disengage, meaning not taking SK anywhere, not buying them anything, not doing anything for them. Or his family. Thing will get better. It DH kids and he should handle everything for the kids. You make what you want for dinner, either kids eat that or it’s PB&J. Husband take kids to school, doctor, ect.
If kids don't like what we
If kids don't like what we are making they can have cereal and yogurt or PB&J. They do not get to decide our meals anymore. Meal decisions should not completely revolve around children anyways. It used to be that every meal was a huge battle with his daughter(who is 5 and still eats with her hands, throws food everywhere and uses a high chair). I dont miss that.
That was one of the main
That was one of the main reasons I separated our bank accounts; DH wanted my paycheck for SD but he would spend without discussing anything with me.I was expecting to share accounts and expenses with him in regards to SD but when my savings was constantly being tapped by the bank to cover overdrawned checks by DH for designer clothes and electronics for SD, I put a halt to that. He expected a wallet, babysitter, cook, laundress, and chauffeur for SD. Disengaging took care of alot of that crap.
Shake my damn head.
Shake my damn head.
These men are unbelievable
Gee I could have written the
Gee I could have written the same thing about my own failed marriages and children:
I didn’t realize I would be expected to give my time, my money, my emotions and well being with little being returned. I didn’t realize how I would be subjected to such cruelty, wastefulness and meaness from MY children... I didn’t realize I would have to put up with such disrespect from my husbands mother... Those are things I was not expecting.
Welcome to life, sometimes things just don't turn out the way we expect them to. I had dreams of having a solid marriage, large family and plowing through life together, it turned out a bit differently. It's important to really know what you're getting into and accept the reality of the situation rather than the fantasy you want to change it into being.