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Should I be upset?

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 1:35pm

Well, last week was tough..

Had a conversation with my daughter regarding her kitty that has cancer and together we made the painful decision to put him down.

Thursday was the day. I got home from work and her and I snuggled with him and gave him treats.. to say this was heartbreaking was an understatement.

DH was going drive us to the appointment and we had to drop off sk15 at basketball on the way.. sk12 wanted to stay home and play video games.

On the way.. my daughter and I sat in the back of the car together with the kitty between us.. Let sk15 ride in the front.

Not one freaking word of comfort came out of his mouth.. no hugs from him or sk12 before we left. It was obvious what we were doing and how difficult it was - both my daughter and I were crying.

When we got home.. nothing. Nothing at all from either skid. No "sorry" or kind words.. nothing.

Should I be disappointed? DH suggested that maybe they didn't know what to say.. I think that's bullshit... how can you not know what to say? Is it really that hard to say something nice or show you feel bad for a person? Maybe so.. when you don't care about them or what they are going through.. that's how I feel.. like they didn't say crap because, well.. they don't give a crap.

Especially when everything else they do shows this same message.

Comments

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 1:49pm

sorry 'bout kitty. Sad

sounds like your skids have a total lack of empathy. i'd take it for what it's worth and dont expect any empathy out of them at all. if you dont expect anything, then you cant be disappointed. all u can do is shake your head. sorry.

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 1:55pm

Exactly my point..

It's obvious in everything they say and everything they do..
"not theirs, don't care"

That cat was a part of their lives for almost 4 years... they sure as heck petted it and played with it and knew all about what it was going through.

And they wonder why I feel the way towards them that I do...

I really, and I mean really want to say something to DH about my feelings on this because quite frankly.. this is just one more piece of the puzzle.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 2:37pm

My SK's did this when I put down my dog...I was living with them for a few months at that time, but we had dated for 3 years and they knew the dog. I also had had some foot surgery and was on painkillers so my filter was gone. I lost it on DH that his kids were the most insensitive people I have ever met....Needless to say, my SD yelled out sorry about your dog....Yeah nice try you brat....

I think some of these kids lose the sensitivity trait as they go through the divorce and it becomes all about them all the time...

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 2:44pm

I think you hit the nail on the head.. the world revolves around them because during the divorce phase the parents make it so to overcompensate for the feelings of guilt.

Great life skills they are learning.

tryingmom's picture

Submitted by tryingmom on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 2:44pm

Sorry about the furkid! I still mourn my Little Man, I lost him 2 years ago.

Skids didn't notice him missing for almost 6 months, self absorbed kids.

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 3:33pm

I have never met more self absorbed people in my life..

They are so rude, inconsiderate and entitled.. it just shows in everything they do!

They walk in the house - don't care if you are on the phone, watching tv or studying - they are there NOW and can be as loud as they want.

Trying to sleep.. oooh too bad.. thump, bang, yell... doesn't matter to them - they aren't the ones trying to sleep..

Just cleaned the house.. who cares. They just leave their crap wherever they please..

Make cookies for a gathering... oh yum! I'll eat 8 of them and not even ask first..

Cat gets put to sleep.. oh well... wasn't my pet, so I won't say a thing!

I wish this wasn't the case, but it is.. each and every day of my life. All they seem to think about is their own selfish wants and needs - to hell with everything and everyone else!

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 6:47pm

I'm so sorry about your sweet kitty. Sad many hugs to DD and to you.

Your skids sound heartless. They remind me of SS14 and "SS"9. They showed no emotion when their 16 year old cousin died! When their dog, that SS14 had since he was a baby died, he shrugged. No attachment to anyone, person or pet. No emotions. Nothing. It's kinda scary.

I'm sorry the asshole had to go with you.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 12/09/2013 - 7:18pm

I still miss my dog that we had to put down about 35 yrs ago! One song comes on the radio and I bawl like a baby.

That being said, perhaps these boys have never had to make a single statement of heartfelt thought. My s/sons find it very hard to express their emotions. And their mother always took care of the family demonstration of sympathy/empathy.
The difference is my parents taught me to tell someone "I am sorry ... is gone. I miss him/her. " My Great Grandmother died when I was about 12. We got the phone call (she was 84 when she died). I hugged my mum as she mourned her grandma, I worried about my grandmother losing her mother.

But my s/sons? I think because they have never had to express any empathy or sympathy or have an adult opinion or feeling that did not affect them personally. I think it isn't something you know, it is something you are taught.

Your s/sons have never been encouraged or taught how to express sympathy or empathy.