Sometimes I just hate being a step mother!!! I have two sd, ages 12 and 18. I love them as if they were my own. We get along good most of the time. However, the mom resents me. She is remarried, but doesn't seem to think that the step dad is a step parent. Well, anyway, the 12yr old had to have two rods put in her back to correct severe scoliosis. She is in ICU, and at times, only parents can visit. We had a big fight with the hospital. All four of us wanted to visit her, but in twos. Since we were step parents, we were not allowed to see her. After much fuss, and me and the bm pitching a total fit, they finally let us do it that way. We had to get the doctor involved! It is 2008, and there are a lot of families that are step families. This hospital was toally living in the past! It was a christian hospital, didn't believe in divorce, and therefore didn't believe step parents count.

Before we could change their minds, the nurses would ask for parents, take bm and bf back. Then she would ask for grandparents, take them back two at a time. Then the extended family went back two at a time. THEN, they had friends go back. The nurse informed the step parents that we could go back then! I was outraged! myself and stepdad are just as much family as the rest. Sometimes it feels like we just don't count. When my hubby and bm set rules and deal out punishment, i feel like i have no say. Even in my own house. We left to go to the mountains, and told the girls that they could still come over and swim. we told them that it was their responsibility to keep the house looking the way it was when we left. If they couldn't do that, then the shouldn't come over while we were gone. My bro-in-law lives next door and would keep an eye on them, make sure it was just them over there, etc. When we got back, the house was a disaster area. Wet clothes were everywhere, food everywhere, trash everywhere! I hit the roof! I could not believe it! I told hubby that they could not go swimming for a week. He said that since 12 yr olds surgery was coming up, then we couldn't do that. She wouldn't be able to swim for quite a while. I fought with him for hours. I finally gave in and said that i didn't even know why i was arguing, it wasn't like i had any say in the matter, even though it happened in MY home too. That got him to shut up for a moment, then I compromised and said that they couldn't swim we were not there since that was when they did it.

So how do you have rules for your house, if hubby won't inforce them. We want to have children of our own, the girls want us to as well, but how do i do that and have any sense of disipline, if the girls aren't held responsible. I had to clean up their mess because they went back to bm's house and had plans. I just don't think it is right.

HELP!