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Understanding Skids

stepmom2fk's picture

Submitted by stepmom2fk on Tue, 08/23/2011 - 8:55am

Ok I have read many times on here how SP don't like there Skids. I understand how everyone feels but I have had a pretty good relationship with SDs just not BM. So the ones that don't like there skids is the reason the kids act this way is cause of the BP. I made it very clear to my SDs from the beginning that I wasn't there mom. I don't want to be and was very open to listening to their fears of me being in their life. Even after the BM still talks shit about me the SDs will stand up for me and call her out on her lies because I did this. Any one else have this happen?

Comments

lmac's picture

Submitted by lmac on Tue, 08/23/2011 - 8:59am

Oh yeah. My skids cry when they have to go back to BM and say they want to stay with lmac. Not dad. lmac.

BM hates it. I'm not their mom, but I am primary caregiver in our house, and arguably primary emotional caregiver all around. I don't really give two craps what BM thinks about me as I disengaged from her a while ago.

I love my skids and they love me. I focus on that. Not titles or what BM thinks of our relationship. There are plenty of people on here who do the same.

helena_brass's picture

Submitted by helena_brass on Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:43am

I think that everyone's situation is different. In my case, I am lucky enough to have a good relationship with FDH's kids. The kids and I have never discussed our relationship, or any concerns about my position in their lives. I think that they may still be too young for that (ages 4 and 9). We just let things evolve naturally, and thankfully this has been HUGELY facilitated by my very non-Disneydad FDH and a BM who doesn't bash me in front of the kids.

Others here are not so lucky, and I don't think that you can attribute the disconnect between stepparent and stepchild to just one contributing factor. There are so many, though I agree that the BPs and their attitudes, disciplinary styles, and demonstrative behaviors are critical in influencing the relationship and balance of power between stepparents and stepkids.

stepmom2fk's picture

Submitted by stepmom2fk on Tue, 08/23/2011 - 9:55pm

My SDs are 13 and 17. They both live with us. The 17 yr old has lived with us for 5 yrs and the 13 yr old has been with us for just over a year now.