BM here acted like she was MOTY and thought that the occasional 'taking him out for icecream' made her this. Let him play computer all day, eat whatever he liked etc and wondered why she couldn't control him. Would contact my DH expecting him to play the bad guy.  I never got involved though. She tried to get me to play ball saying 'moomin can drive them' etc but no way. His kids his responsibility. Once you start it's hard to say no from then on.

I completely see where you’re coming from. As a step parent, we are expected to put in so much effort but are hardly ever given the appreciation that we deserve. Make sure that you also take care of you because based on my own personal experiences, it can really take a toll on you and cause a huge amount of resentment over time. Good luck!

I got some mixed messages from your post.  You said your DH is the responsible parent but then you go on to list out all the extra responsibilities you have taken on for the child. I guess I am wondering why you are being tagged as the responsible party for the boy?  Is there a reason why his father can't do these things for him?  I mean, I understand households run under all sorts of dynamics and there is nothing wrong with helping to care for a SKID if it is in the household's best interest and the step parent agrees... but I am sensing that you are a bit overwhelmed and maybe not as happy about this situation.

Why do you have to do it at all? Helping out is one thing, being an unpaid nanny and housekeeper is another.

Sounds like you just got thrown into this role. Things were different and better for you before DH got custody. Did you and your husband talk about how things would be if he won custody? How do you get along with this child? You need to let your true feelings known to your husband. Plus a 11 year old can pack his lunch and take care of his snacks. Your DH should be helping with the other things. Or doing them himself. That could take some of the stress out of your days.

I’m living this. BM is the fun parent who lets him do whatever he wants and thinks his attitude is cute or caused by DH alienating SS from her. Nope. And I can already tell DH and I will always be the bad guy and her the victim just trying to raise her son. He won’t see it until he’s living with her and it’s not greener over there. Or maybe he won’t mind and I’ll get to cut BM off even earlier than expected. 

An 11 year old can make their own damn lunch. No need for you to attend school meetings, etc. 

Do you work full time? stay home full time? Hubby works? Why is he not helping with this stuff - it's HIS kid!