I just read an interesting article on a fave website of mine, www.thepsychoexwife.com and the BD that runs the site (an incredible man with a lot of great info and resources about ex's with BPD and Parental Alienation Syndrome) and I thought it was extremely helpful.

It's just the nature of step-families that the kids are going to be raised in two or more households and with different parental figures than that traditional nuclear family. I hadn't really thought about it too much other than having general contempt for the way BM "raises" my skids, but it's funny that I just read that blog because the parallel parenting thing has just recently become an issue and gotten kind of weird.

In the past, BM has tried to insert herself into our household and control how we do things, but has had zero success and is too intimidated by H and I to push too hard. Recently, as her life has been falling apart, she has been more active in that area, but has been wavering from timid and kiss-up-y questions to H about how we parent the boys (because of their continual behavior improvement) and weird interactions with me where she is civil and actually acts like she is scared of me and wants me to like her and be nice to her (???!!!!!????!!) and then on other days the skids will tell me things BM is saying about our house and how she doesn't approve of certain things. For example, when she needed my help with a school event for SS12, she asked me to help and was civil and kind of pathetic and then a few days later SS12 piped up and told me that his mom was really angry at me because I let him watch a specific movie (a G rated movie for kids!!!) that she thought wasn't appropriate! Lately, it's been her weird groveling thing combined with stuff the skids say about all these little nasty and critical comments aimed at me from BM. The weird thing is that she has been bitching about stuff that could not possibly be perceived of as inappropriate or harmful, event by the most rigid parents! It's been a lot of nasty little digs and I feel sorry for the skids that they are being put in the position of message carriers for such mean and rude things.

What I don't understand is why this is happening now? She has hated me from the beginning and started off with super nasty stuff, but hasn't done the nasty comments through the skids thing for over a year or so? Why, when she needs my help the most is she trying to lash out at me? I don't get it! I really don't give a shit what she thinks of me, my family, my home and my activities and I can tell that she is frustrated that her insults do not get to me at all and are actually pretty funny because they are so ridiculous. She isn't getting any reaction out of me and in response to the skids, I don't say anything other than, "oh," or "well, that's your mom's opinion. Everyone has the right to their own opinion," and other neutral kind of things like that.

Definitely odd, but the article on the website above was really helpful and I guess I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and not respond to her nasty comments through the skids.

Any thoughts on why this is happening now? Anyone else experienced this?