H and I are at a loss...need direction from those who have been there done that
SS 8 is having MAJOR issues with his reading. I have posted before that he has ADHD. He is in the 2nd grade. The school did the skill level test on him and he is reading at the level of a end of the year first grader and he is really an end of the year second grader.
Some days SS does good with his reading and other days it is like Greek to him and he has never seen it. Last year during 1st grade when a lot of the phonics basics are being taught SS had a very dramatic up and down year. This was due to the home life with BM (she is psycho and SS loves her guts). So it is like when things were good at her home SS would go to school and learn what the teacher is teaching but when things were bad at her home SS would go to school worried about her and all the crap at his mom's and would not learn what the teacher was teaching. So H and I feel that somewhere along the way SS missed some of the basic skills he needs to learn to read.
We have contacted a place for tutoring him and it is $120 to get tested and then $38 an hours 2 times a week for the tutoring. H talked with BM about this and said we would pay for the testing and one session a week if she could pay for the other session each week. BM said I do not think he needs a tutor he just needs to set down and read. So H and I talk to the tutoring place again to let them know we want to bring SS but we can only get him there every Wednesday and every other Saturday and let them know why cause BM would not bring him and did not think he needed it and they said they really require 2 hours each week and was there no other way to get him there. Then SS comes last night. The reading was horrible. He can the bare minimum words but then has trouble with those. H calls BM this morning to tell her that she is getting SS tested cause something is not right. BM begins to cuss and yell that SS is lazy and just does not want to do it and that was his problem he was with her all the time and she knew what is problems were. H said things are going to be hell next year in 3rd grade and he has book every subject and she said I know it is he is with me all the time I will handle it and told H that she did not have time for this shit and hung up.
BM has confessed in a moment of weakness that homework at her house with SS drags on all night long up to 9 and 10:00 and that he gets so aggravated with him and his reading that she wants to just smack SS. Well homework does not last up into the night at our house but there are for sure aggravations and anger that goes on during homework and reading. H and I both try hard to be patient but after telling him the same thing 6 times it gets aggravating we get angry and SS feels the same way. It is a constant battle and struggle. We want to get him help so next year will not be hell on all of us but most importantly so SS will learn to read and it not be hell on him cause he still has 10 more years of this to go and it will only get harder.
I go from blaming BM to blaming SS. SS is 8 1/2 so he knows that he needs to try and that all the help in the world can only do so much but if he does not try the help is no good. BM states she has him all the time and knows what his problem is. So if she has him all the time then it shows that you are not working with him NONE!!!! The fact that he sucks royally at reading reflects on you BM cause you the one who has him the most. We work with him on non school reading every time he is with us but one day week and everyother weekend is not much when it is not followed up on while at BM's. He takes AR tests at school on his reading books these are the past 3 weeks grades 50, 70, 60, and 20! We said SS you made a 20? He said yes and H said what did your mom say and SS said she did't say anything.
I found a site Starfall.com that I started last night with SS. It takes you back to basics and teaches the phonics rules. Very kid friendly but SS needs way more than that.
H and I are at the end of our ropes with this. BM could care less and shows it. As you all know we going to court to get more time with SS. SS will never make it in school if there is not daily consistent working with him which BM does not provide. Can we use the fact he is doing so poorly in school when we go to court and use the fact that we trying to get him help but she will not take him when he with her. We have resolved that we will pay for it all if she would just take him on the day he is with her and has the lesson.
Have any of you been through this reading fiasco with your skids or kids? Give me some advice. I just know SS would never take his face out of a book if he could ever learn to read.
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ADHD
makes it very hard for kids to read. DH has an extreme case of ADHD, and SD12 has it as well. SD12 is just starting to come around to reading, she is definitely below her grade level though.
Sometimes it gets better with age, but consistency is key. BM and DH have to do HW the same way. I would get SS tested (if he is not diagnosed already) and try medication. I know a lot of people don't believe in it, but it really does work wonders for DH, he'll be the first one to tell you. SD had a bad reaction to adderal as a younger child and it made her bi-polarish tendencies worse, so we haven't put her back on anything, but she also copes with it better now because she is older.
SS does take ADHD medication
He has been on it for right at 2 years. Now BM is notorious for not giving it to him everyday. She skips days here and there. So he has been tested for the ADHD. We want his reading tested to see where he is lacking and so we can get him help on that part.
We are not trying to prove
we are better. But in court you have to show change in circumstance and any troubles that child is having. Attorney has talk to teachers and they state SS will have very hard time in 3rd grade and that they have more involvement with H than with BM. We want SS in the best enviornment that will help him in his school. SS needs his mom and his dad but if mom is not as serious about schoolwork and SS reading as dad is then he needs the consistency most during school times that dad gives. If BM would step up and help us with all of this SS would do so much better but he with her the most and her attitude is don't care thus that is SS attitude and we cannot change that with one day a week and every other weekend. there are so many other issues in this case than SS reading that play into why we trying to get 50/50 time with SS. H and I are by no means or stretch of the imagination perfect but from day one SS has always been a different child with us a better child if you will as I have seen behavior at his mom's and I would go nuts if that is how he behaved at our home. SS knows what he can and cannot get away with at each house.
My BD 6 has ADHD when she
My BD 6 has ADHD when she started taking the medication it was amazing how she started doing her work at school and home it was like night and day but the thing is if he is on medication you must make sure he is taking the medication everyday. My daughter is doing great on hers the teacher noticed right away she is at her grade level now! She takes Focalin xr.
SS takes Focalin XR
as well. He was just moved to the 15mg. As I have posted in other blogs and above in response to someone BM is notorious for "forgetting" to give it to him, not giving it to him on weekends, none at all in the summer and not letting us know as last summer we gave him his meds when we had him which is one night a week and every other weekend. well come to find out that was all he was getting it BM admitted she did not give it to him and did not tell H cause she did not want to hear his mouth. I am in total agree that it should be given every day.
SS10 has ADHD
He had so much trouble in school because he literally couldn't sit still and finish reading to the bottom of the page. He's taking Concerta right now but they might switch him to Focalin. The meds really have worked wonders but only when he takes it everyday. In the beginning BM was stupid enough to only give him his med every here and there which really screwed him up (yet another example of that cow's ignorance!).
The comic book idea that lifegoeson mentioned is a good one. SS liked to read comic because it was easier for him to stay interested and that fact that there weren't a bunch of sentences on the page encouraged him because it made him feel like he could actually get through pages of a book rather than feeling sad at ALL THOSE WORDS that he couldn't handle.
Have you considered holding him back?
I don't know if the teacher brought that up to you, but if he is a whole year behind in reading, it might be something you want to think about. The problem will only compound itself if he keeps getting pushed up into material he is not prepared to handle.
I believe SD7 is ADD (nothing hyper about her, she's slow as the christmas after next :P)
She hasn't been diagnosed other than informal behavioral questionnaires at this point. She's an excellent reader though. The reason I think that is, is because she was held back in kindergarten. Her mother who was basically on drugs for pretty much all of her first year in kindergarten did nothing to help her as she did nothing in the years before she entered school to get her prepared for it. Not to mention, the skids were a nervous wreck from having such an unstable home life.
So SD had the very basics twice and this year in first grade, she's doing great with her reading.
That might be something you all will want to discuss with his teacher as an option especially if you're dealing with CP BM who is not willing to put in the work to get him up to speed.
I have suggested
to H that he be held back. SS repeated kindergarten as his BM register him at 4 he turned 5 in Sept 15 and school started less than a month before so he was way young and immature. I am fine with holding him back but BM does not want to and H wants to get him the help he needs so he can have a good third grade next year. If he is held back we are back to same sceanrio all over again that SS will do what SS is allowed to do majority of the time and if he is not made to work on his reading when at BM he is sure not going to do it of own free will...he is a kid.... so he will do bare minimum to get by in school.
Some days he really gives it his all when with us and working on it and others he would soon eat crap than cooperate and try.
Ahh, A late summer boy. Teachers dread late summer boys.
My SS is a late summer boy and has always struggled with maturity problems. Even now at nearly 17. We learned of the late summer boy label during our first PTC when our son was in Kindergarten. His teacher was discussing some of his behaviour problems with us and asked when he was born. When we told her he was an August boy she nodded her head and said "ooo a late summer boy, that explains a lot".
ADHD on top of being one of the younger ones in class is probably a huge issue and I am sure he is frustrating enough that the teachers avoid working with him as much as possible.
Have you tried the three letters between the thumbs and sound it out method? With the Sight Reading methods (which I think are about as worthless as balls on a cow or tits on a bull) that many teachers are proponents of these days the old phonics strategies can work wonders for a kid with an attention problem.
My XW could not read a word much bigger than three letters because she would just give up. MY SS was the same way until about 3rd grade when I finally called bullshit with his teachers on the site reading crap and taught him phonics. I sat through three years of those idiots trying to justify how sight reading was better than actually learning to read and called enough is enough. We always worked on reading with him but he would fight with us that the way we were showing him (sound it out) was not how his teacher was showing him (sight read - the just guess and move on method). We finally just got out the dictionary, picked the biggest most complex word on each page and made him sound it out three letters at a time. Oh, he hated it but within ~90 days he went from reading barely at grade level to reading at two grade levels ahead.
I am not a teacher but my understanding is that with site reading they pretty much just memorize the words and when they get to a long one that they don't know they throw in a best guess based on what they think the word might be????????????????? WTF is that crap. Sight Reading and New Math, two worthless ideas brought to us by innovative teaching colleges. Grrr, reading is reading and math is math. You don't guess at words and there is nothing new about math. Math is math and you do it in a very structured way. You write the problem out, you do the steps and you develop the answer. I fought for years with my SS's teachers about that one too. Until finally I pulled out some of my old Alg, Trig and Calc college texts and showed him how to structure working through math problems. Now he can do algebra in his head, but we still make him write out each problem step by step.
No offense intended to any teachers out there. I am an engineer and engineers solve problems. We analyze problems, design solutions, build an implementation plan and work the plan. We don't guess. Success is based on a structured, repeatable approach. It solves complex engineering problems and it works with teaching kids to read and with math. Just guess????????????? That still pisses me off and it has been more than 9 years.
Sight reading and new math! What idiots came up with those ideas?
In through the nose, out through the mouth. Phhfffffeeeew! Let it go Rags, let it go.
OK, I am in my happy place now.
Best regards,
What about those hooked on
What about those hooked on phonics programs?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
My SS9 has high functioning
My SS9 has high functioning autisim and my younger SS6 has ADD.So I went thru it twice.My best advice is told hold him back a year. Have H speak to the teachers and suggest it to get the ball rolling.We did that behind BM's back because she thought her kids were just "lazy" too.
The best thing we could have ever done for the kids is bring structure into their lives. Its really difficult when you dont have them the majority of the time but at least having structure at your house will help.Kids learn better when they feel comfortable.Change and transistion derail their progress.If they know what to expect when they get to your home it will be easier to get them settled in and learning.If their emotions are all over the place they wont be able to function.If you can get SS on the weekdays that would help alot!! We have the kids everday of the school week and EOW.BM gets visits EOW and monday and tuesday from 3pm to 6pm.Then she brings them home.Their homework is done with me and then they go with her.But consistancy is key.Good luck to you both I hope court goes well.
make it the bms idea
My ss9 has adhd. He was doing terrible in school and all that. Bm wouldn't take the time to help with hw or behavior issues. I sat down with hubby and came up with different ways to present a problem so that in the end it would look and feel like bm's idea. For instance your hubby could mention that ss has mentioned not remembering his meds, does she think it would be easier if you got him a cool med container and kept it by his toothbrush or by his shoes so he would remember? Or perhaps keeping a couple in the office at school would be useful so she can call if she realizes she forgot. These are things she can do without actually being accountable to you or hubby so she may feel more compelled to so something along those lines.
Read read read with him when he is with you. If you have to start with way easy books and let him read those over and over again. take him to pick out a special book that he reads. Books on tape may help him follow along with reading. Have hubby call the school and see if there is a reading program or after school help program. Find a tutor online through craigslist that is by bms area. Sometimes kids learn better with other people.
The sad thing is BM does not sound like she is going to make an effort. If you and Hubby would really like to solve the problem then pay for both sessions and offer to take him and drop him off at bms. If you would like some ideas on things to do at home let me know and I can e-mail you a bunch of things that worked well for my ss.