Fine didn't mean Fine
I knew good and well it didn't. If you want to know how I could tell, she didn't make me dinner. It was her night to cook and when I got home from a school meeting at 7, it was a field trip meeting, I saw there was no dinner for me. I asked her if she saved me a plate since she knew I would be late and she said no and went back to her puzzle. So I ordered pizza and sat down and told her we needed to work this out. She had lots to say and none of it praise towards me and my kids. She kept saying deserve, that my kids didn't deserve to go on vacation with us. I told her she didn't get to decide that and that is why I slept on the couch. Tell me if I am wrong here please, my 9th grader has straights A's almost 100's in all of his classes except math. In math they are learning coordinate Algebra with no book, his teacher is a second year teacher and he does tutoring 6 times a week. 1/2 before school 3 days a week and 1/2 hour after school a week. He is still failing and it isn't lack of trying. I work with him as does his mom. We had parent teacher conferences with his teacher all year and frankly he is a dumb ass and every parent I have met, about 5, say their kid is failing his class. His class average on the last test was 60. That tells me it is the teacher especially since I can only get the man to give me 10 sample problems as practice for a test and he won't supply the answers because he hadn't worked them out yet. I am youtubing with ds every night trying to find out what he is doing. We bought books off amazon and his teacher won't give us page numbers because he skips around and don't worry, they will have books next year. My son has a low D and we are hoping to pass him with the skin of our teeth. My wife doesn't want to reward his bad grades with a vacation. I'm frustrated. Can you help me find a way to get through to her?
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So it went from having to
So it went from having to change the vacation time because of your step daughters personal problem to she really just doesn't want your son there?
Does her daughter make perfect grades? Never gets in trouble?
If he really wants a vacation
If he really wants a vacation with his wife, it looks like he will have to settle for a kid free one.
Hopefully he doesn't try to guilt/force his wife into vacationing with his kids. And his wife should stop playing games. Stop pussyfooting around a just say, she doesn't want to waste on vacation time/money going on a trip with his kids.
Well, if you read his
Well, if you read his original post, she pays for food and extras like vacations, so it would be her deposit on the beach house and she's the one who is covering the vacation.
Maybe she doesn't want to pay for 3 kids who aren't hers while on vacation?
I think since she's bringing kids into the relationship, too, she should be more flexible. I am a childless SM to 3, and I pay most of the bills...so, yeah. I get a little resentful sometimes when DH just assumes one or more of the kids can come with us somewhere...
For OP - often, skids are worse to stepmoms than they are to stepdads, so your experiences with her kid may be different from her experiences with your kids. You also may not be aware of how your kids are really treating her when you aren't around. I'd take some time to talk to her and try to get to the bottom of what's bothering her about this vacation. It may be that you need to split the household bills more equally and both save up and pay for your own kids on vacation in order to avoid potential resentment.
This exactly
This exactly
I love how all the women
I love how all the women realize the excuses the partner offers aren't actually the problem, yet the man remains fixated on addressing every excuse tit-for-tat rather than getting to the bottom of what the core issue actually IS.
Well, now you know. She has
Well, now you know. She has some kind of agenda you still aren't fully aware of. The one grade is not the real reason at all. Because it sounds like the boy and both his parents are making a huge effort. So it would be difficult for any kind of normal person to complain about that.
What's more likely is that your wife feels overwhelmed by having one or more of your kids (probably this boy for sure) in her life so much on a variety of levels; or she simply wishes for more cozy time with the people she really likes (her dd and you); or she flat out dislikes this one boy in particular but has never been honest with you in sharing that.
Maybe her one on one relationship with him is bad, in her eyes, perceives him as snotty to her or something. Or it could be the reverse. Your boy is hardworking and successful in most things and has the attention of both parents--perhaps she resents that her daughter doesn't do as well or possibly has a less devoted other parent (bio dad).
In any case, you still have not got to the bottom of this. You need to take your kids on the planned vacation. Cut back on some other expense you normally cover and save that cash so you don't get in a bind like this again. Then work on your relationship with your wife. She needs to be more open with you and less covert and manipulative. Not trying to insult her, just saying her way of getting what she wants could use some maturing.
I'm sure you could do things on your end, too. Are your lives dominated by kids? Maybe start carving out more couple time and even work towards arranging a couples-only vacay for the two of you in the future to look forward to.
You can stop defending your boy's math grade. It's not the real issue. Like the girl's biology wasn't.
OP pays all the big household
OP pays all the big household bills. Wife pays for "extras" including vacations.
He says she has a history of
He says she has a history of not stepping up to pay such bills. So if he doesn't want the lights turned off....
That's why I suggested he cut back on something he already pays. He needs to squeeze money out of something he can control.
Or, you know, get the marriage in order. But I think he has to set some firm boundaries before that can happen. Hence the removing lightbulbs from half the rooms or whatever. Perhaps cuts off a phone plan. People can live on a flip phone just fine.
Extras and food / household
Extras and food / household items.
In my home, food and household items add up to at least as much as all of our utility bills each month.