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Does your H call his kids when they are with BM?

StepG's picture

My H calls his son. I know and understand why he calls him. Now very rarely when he calls him is ss talkative and friendly. It is usually yeah Dad gotta go Dad fine Dad bye Dad and all the while BM in the back ground telling ss to tell your daddy bye or you are burning up my minutes.

Now last night when H called he had to call like 6 times before they would answer and he has not talk to ss since last Wed. visit with ss. So ss answers the phone very rudely mind you and H is trying to talk to him and SS is either not paying attention or being smart alec in his response. In the backgroung BM is laughing and telling ss to Tell your Daddy bye. She repeats this several times. H is telling SS to take a minute and talk to him and not be ugly to him that there was no reason so ss says I told you I was fine dad bye dad and H said son I love you and I miss you and ss said yeah and hung up. Now when we get ss tomorrow he will be so far up his dad's but I will only get his toes to love on. He will be loving to his dad and me and talk about how he has missed us. Now I do not for one minute doubt that SS loves us and probably even does miss us but I am so fed up with that attitude when H calls. So last night I tell H that even though he is supposed to get 2 calls a week to son without inteference I think it might be best if he only called SS on the nights before we were to get him to confirm he was coming to get him. H said but I feel like I am giving up if I do that. Now quick background BM is just awful and her hate for H is more than her love for her son. Also she is very angry at H right now due to we are filing for 50/50 physical custody and have had the lawyer send her a letter on the dump child care she sends ss to when he is not with the 13 yrs old. So BM is angry. Well ss has always treated H and I the way she treats us when he is with her but like a said whole different tune when he is with us. Now remember ss is 7. So I explained to H I know you do it to hear his voice and you miss him and that even though we know he acting that way cause of BM it still hurts he would do us this way and even though we are hurt by it SS is probably hurting more that us cause here he has to be nasty to his dad to please his already pissed off mom. He has to hear her yell about his dad the first 5 times H calls cause she will not answer the phone and has no machine then ss has to hear his mom cuss some more about his dad after he gets off the phone and no telling what their would be to pay if ss actually acted decent to his dad on the phone. I do not think it would be giving up I think it would be trying to relive some of the pressure it puts on ss when it comes to his mom and dad.

Now I am probably bias as I think H is a GREAT dad and I would go old school and have 8 or 9 kids with him if we could afford because he is such a good dad but I have never heard H call and just lay in on BM the way she does H. She had the child support turned over to the state as a way to get at H for taking her to court. At first we were upset due to he is only person on payroll at his job...he does excavating... and we hated for the boss's wife to have to deal with state to garnish wages but they love H to death and have done everything under the sun possible to take care of it. So all in all we are happy with it going through state coming directly out of his check cause we do not have to deal with her or so we thought. She still calls yelling wanting to know if he has paid his child support and said that she was going to recommend to the state that they give H jail time if he is late. Well 1st of all in the last 5 yrs since divorce he has never been late and he is not about to start now. She has a baby with someone else and still calls H and yells at him about how they had such a happy marriage and he ruined it.

I am sorry I am off subject of the phone call. I just think about all this when stuff like last night with ss happens. Cause when he comes tomorrow and is all love and missed you I want to say oh is that why you acted so ugly on the phone last night when I know it was cause of her. When will he be old enough to stand up to her and not do it cause she does? So I told H that we will document in our daily journal that we decided not to call SS to relieve some of the pressure and tension for ss because he cannot talk to his dad for fear his mom will blow. What do yall think? Should he continue to attempt his 2 calls a week and deal with it good or bad or not call and document it till we got to court?

Comments

LoveMYBoys's picture

I dread those calls twice a week as well. When my husband calls his SS6, bm constantly puts the phone on speaker and is in the background ranting and raving. My husband totally ignores her but she doesn't give up. My ss is like yours, doesn't say much on the phone either but a hello and goodbye... but is all over daddy when he comes to visit. It is frustrating. I just hang on to hope that ss will one day be old enough to dish it back to his mom!! I would continue calling but not 6 times in one night! I would say once is a plenty! Good luck!

Dawn-Moderator's picture

My ss is going to be 13 and we are still waiting for him to really stand up to his mom. We know he wants to because he talks big about it when he is here. However, as soon as he gets to Bm's environment, he doesn't do what he says he's going to.

Ss thinks that 13 is the magic age that will give him the nerve to stand up to his mom. He actually said that. I guess we'll see when Aug. rolls around.

Dawn

Regretful1's picture

My H does the EXACT same thing!! Even on days when he just dropped them off 2 hours ago! If he forgets to call, SD11 will call him. She called every night of our honeymoon (UGH) I really try to keep my cool, but these calls are SO nausating because he will talk babytalk and actaully lisp to an 11 year old. He knows it bugs me, even though I really take great pains to control my facial expressions...he now will go in the other room to take the call. So frustrating.

Regretful1's picture

My H does the EXACT same thing!! Even on days when he just dropped them off 2 hours ago! If he forgets to call, SD11 will call him. She called every night of our honeymoon (UGH) I really try to keep my cool, but these calls are SO nausating because he will talk babytalk and actaully lisp to an 11 year old. He knows it bugs me, even though I really take great pains to control my facial expressions...he now will go in the other room to take the call. So frustrating.

B's picture

He's the NCP, and SD lives in another state. We see her 3-4 times a year if we're lucky. He had a weekly phone call written into the visitation schedule, and he so looks forward to that every Thursday once a week contact with his daughter. Those calls are ridiculous! Either the BB fails to let him know that she won't be available for the call, or she and her friends/family are in the background cackling and making so much noise that DH and SD can't hear each other, or SD is 'busy' watching tv or playing a game and can't be bothered to stop for a few minutes to talk to him. I hate seeing him so upset after those calls.