SO family has no boundaries
My SO's BM is someone he had a one night stand with, never in a relationship. My SS is 4.5 and SO and I have been together 3.5 years. SO's family has a completely inappropriate relationship with BM in my opinion. She is invited to my MIL birthday parties (even when they are no kid events), my MIL drives to their house 45 minutes away and goes and visits BM and SS....I constantly have to hear about how "amazing" BM is from his family and BM is in constant contact with all of SO's family. I find this extremely uncomfortable and it makes me feel like MIL wishes BM was part of their family instead of me. (SO and I have 2 daughters together). I have told SO before that I don't want to feel like I'm in competition with who's a better mom, and I have made it very clear that SS is part of our family, but BM is NOT. But boundaries don't mean anything to his family. MIL has even told me how much "easier" things would be if we started hanging out and doing things with BM. BM has also asked if she can take MY daughter overnight so she can "get more comfortable around her". I want to scream "YOU ARE NOTHING TO MY DAUGHTER" am I being irrational??
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Just say NO
You do not go any place BM is at. If she wants to be buddy's with MIL. Then MIL is on my Shit list. MIL does not get invited to anything I have. I will not go to anyplace MIL is at. Either you put your foot down or you will get steamroller over. Unfortunately DH is going to have to find his balls and pick side. Not trying to be mr nice guy at your expense .
make it clear to DH it's your way or he's in the guest room
Stop going to the events and
Stop going to the events and don't let your kids go either
!
^^^this^^^
^^^this^^^
STOP GOING.
Keep your kids with you too.
Oh yes, things would be so
Oh yes, things would be so much easier if you and BM were like sister wives....easier for MIL. Things would be easier for you if MIL would shut her piehole and maybe do your laundry and clean your bathroom. But that's not going to happen and neither should you hanging with BM just to make that horrid woman happy!
BM has also asked if she can
BM has also asked if she can take MY daughter overnight so she can "get more comfortable around her".
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL EFF IS THIS???
BM has never laid eyes on my littles, let alone ask to take them. OMG I honestly cannot believe this.
I got pissed when SO and I
I got pissed when SO and I got our dog and SD brought him out show BM. I immediately went outside and scooped up MY puppy.
Who does she think she is??
It's like she thinks that
It's like she thinks that because I am her kids stepmom, it works both ways lol. I don't think she understands that the difference is I am with her son's father, she's not involved in anyway in my daughters lives, but she sees them at drop offs and pick ups.
BM offered to babysit my DS.
BM offered to babysit my DS. I was creeped out too. I didn't agree with the way she parented SD why would I let her near my son. Then I realized she has 3 other children besides SD and probably wanted quid pro quo.
What would you do if you were
What would you do if you were the grandmother to a few kids that had different mom's?
I have tried to look at it
I have tried to look at it that way, but my grandmother also is the grandmother to 3 kids who have different moms (my uncle has been divorced twice) and my grandmother would never go out of her way to see other BM. The deal is basically when kids are with their dad, that's when grandma sees them. And that's the most respectful way to go about it in my opinion....
That is your grandmother and
That is your grandmother and what she is comfortable doing. Your mil is different and she does what she feels comfortable doing.
Let me clarify,
Let me clarify,
MIL will drive 45 minutes out of her way to go and visit with BM and SS but refuses to drive 30 mins to come see myself and my 2 daughters (her granddaughters). Also, buys BM birthday presents and doesn't even acknowledge mine.
Ummm then you individual
Ummm then you have individual relationships with your grandchildren? I'm confused why a grandma neeeeds to see all her grandkids at the same time. My parents have 3 daughters, 9 grandkids. We aren't all 3 at their house at once allll the time. Sometimes it's 1 sisters kids or 2 sisters or maybe just a couple of the kids from 1 family. Why is that a big deal?
Wouldn't be a big deal if she
Wouldn't be a big deal if she was just hanging out with SS (grandchild), she is specifically going to visit with BM and constantly texting and calling her, NEVER texts or calls me.
Sorry that was a response to
Sorry that was a response to chelseybychelsey referring to her comment about what would you do if you were a grandmother to children with different moms. I 100% agree with you OP that MIL is being very disrespectful to you and her son.
Wait, so OP should have to
Wait, so OP should have to hang out with BM just to make her MIL's life just a little more convenient?
No, but if MIL wants to visit
No, but if MIL wants to visit bm and grandkids then that is her right.
And it's OP's "right" to
And it's OP's "right" to decline invitations to events that bm will attend.
Yes ma'am she is.
Yes ma'am she is.
Is it also her right to
Is it also her right to accidentally call me by BM's name?
This made me feel a bit sick
For you, all I can say is hell would freeze over first. Cut this crowd out and don't look back
You can't control MIL, but
You can't control MIL, but you can certainly set up boundaries yourself. BM doesn't need to be involved in everything, and you don't need to attend events that she's invited to. She's NOT a family member, MIL can pick up SS for family events without inviting BM - but again, you can't control her, just yourself.
BM wanting to take your daughter is just a symptom of her own poor boundaries, that would be a hard no.
If you and SO got married and
If you and SO got married and made it legal would any of this change? I saw you called yourself DIL up above but you aren't and I wonder if Mil considers you temporary. Or is she the type to hold grandsons higher in regard than granddaughters? Whatever it is, she's a sh!+stirrer and makes problems. That is enough to keep away from her toxicity.
We are engaged but I don't
We are engaged but I don't think it makes a difference whether things are legally "official" or not - she has never been married and neither was her mom before her or any of her siblings, so marriage isn't something she really values. I think she may hold grandson's higher than granddaughters, she only had sons herself and sometimes I don't think she really understands how to deal with women lol. She constantly tells me how glad she is she never had a daughter herself.....