Would this make me a bad person?
Would it be so bad if:
I told DH that I no longer want to be responsible for taking care of SD6 when she is in our home every other week? I work 9 hour days and come home to make sure she has her bath, hair washed, homework done, feed her supper...etc
I don't mind, but I have noticed that I am always on go when she is here. And the week that she is not, I can feel the difference in my energy level. She loves me as I also love her very much, but at times I feel like I did my job raising my kids. They are grown and out of the house. I had them at an early age for a reason. I just don't want to seem like I am being a witch.
I also bring her and SS13 to school everyday. BM lives two blocks away. Would it be so wrong to want her to pick the skids up and bring them to school?
I try to help my DH as much as I can, but sometimes I think, where was my help when I raised my kids alone? I didn't have the luxury of someone taking my kids to and from or helping with homework. I did that ad therefore I sometimes feel like I did my job.
Now I know, and I have heard this before, " you knew he had small kids when you married him and the responsibility that comes with that". But why should I have so much responsibility?
After all, BM is married and her husband does nothing for the skids.
I would rather sit in the background for a change and not the spotlight. Does that make me horrible?
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Comments
Morally, you are not a bad
Morally, you are not a bad person. Unfortunately, since you have been doing all this stuff, wanting to stop is going to make people perceive you as the bad guy, unless you have the most understanding DH, BM, and SKs in the world.
i'm a bad person (i don't
i'm a bad person (i don't care who thinks so) because i DID my job and raised my kids and refuse to raise dh's and bm's children for them. i'll help my dh only when the spirit moves me and if i get to the point that i feel i've taken on too much, i'll change it. i'm very careful about what i agree to do because i WILL become resentful, and that's not good for a marriage.
This is not your kid. You
This is not your kid. You raised yours. Don't be so readily available. No one helped me raise my son alone, beyond the grandparents. Husband deseased. I resent these parents that can't suck it up and do it themselves.
This is not your kid and their is no guilt over not wanting to raise another child. She has two bio's, let them.
I disengaged for my sanity years ago and am slowly taking some of it back for SS now that we have him full time. I sometimes am glad when he is at his mom's so I can have some peace. But, they are teens and will be gone in 4 years. I only do what I want for him. Taking him to school is not my responsibility. There are buses for that and if not, he has a mom and a dad.
Do what is best for you. You raised your child, what you do for this one is up to you. Not them...
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the input. I appreciate all the help.
My DH does appreciate the help I give, but BM... she acts as if I am supposed to help because I am married to BD. She will call me if a shirt or pair of pants is missing out of SDs bag when she goes back to BMs. I get aggravated, it's like " why call me, ask BD! You should be happy that I even try to get your daughter's clothes together." Of course that is not said out loud to her, rather in my head!
She just has no appreciation that I help so much with her kids.
She even called me one day to tell me SD had a cold and gave me the run down on how and when to give meds! I felt like a 15yr old babysitter. I have grown kids, I think I know how to administer meds. All I need to know is when she took the meds last.
BM is the main reason why I want to step back. I am just tired of her. I really don't want my DH or my skids to be inconvienced or change their routine, but BM has to realize skids are not the steps responsibility. And if BMs kids had a SM like the one I had when I was a teenager...they would be some very unhappy campers!
Next time tell her to ask her
Next time tell her to ask her daughter.. that is not rude.. have SD pack her own bags. She is old enough.
Then you can tell her, as she is rattling off instructions on how to give meds or anything else, to please put it in writing as you are exhausted and don't have to time or energy to write her instructions down... and send them with the children.
Good idea!
Good idea!
I think you are a good SM
I think you are a good SM a-step-up and you do need a break now and then. I know what you mean my girls are grown and in college SD13 is a handful. She requires lots of attention that she wants from me!! SO is perfectly happy to let me do it all but I told him he needs to step up and do his part. I am not SD's mom and she needs his influence in her life.
You do make me appreciate my kids SM she didn't work outside the home. Both my ex and I did so she was always up to picking up the slack for me when I needed her too. Pick up's or drop off's etc. She helped me temendously but I appreciated it very much and always told her or tried to help out in return.
Thank you Newstep. It makes a
Thank you Newstep. It makes a world of difference when someone appreciates you and not take you for granted or advantage of your good nature. I am sure your kids SM appreciated your gratitude towards her for all she did.