I'm really starting to despise when both BM and DH tend to parent only during crises.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that they still have their influence as parents, but don't seem to EVER do the day-to-day following up in order to ensure that their children are on the right track. Rather, they wait until things are so bad that it's near impossible to help guide them in the right direction.

Case in point. SS17, the one that usually causes no issues, hasn't been taking school seriously since the 2nd marking period. He's into music, playing guitar, and although he doesn't speak up (because he feels it won't get him anywhere) - he cannot stand his BM. She offers no nurturing throughout his entire life that he basically refuses to do anything under her roof. So, as his grades went down, they would pull him aside, give him the talk (BM: yelling, you do it my way; DH: son, it's important buddy). Basically good cop bad cop... but no middle ground.

Both kids know that the parents will talk to them for a few days, and then not follow up. They have a grading system online that the parents can utilize, but both parents seem to take the kid's word for everything. This grading system also shows when the kids skip classes - and they NEVER question them on it. NEVER. DH: "we did it as kids... haha".

I always deal with the "if it were me's". I seriously would be borderline embarrassing to my children - I would be at the school, or on the phone, etc., every day discussing with teachers and comparing what my children were telling me v. the teachers. Things would be taken away. There never seems to be any push to do better than just floating by.

Sadly, because both parents (and myself) work - there is no one there in the afternoons/evenings to ensure they are doing their work on a consistent basis. BM works until 9:30 on some nights, and the kids are only with us every other weekend. Not much for checks and balances. Years ago they were to come to our house to do homework after school - but no one to monitor them. We'd come home to a loud house with MTV, plates everywhere, or one or both passed out napping.

DH finally gets out of SS17 that he'd rather live with us because he just can't stand his BM. There is such a long history of emotional abuse (in my opinion) and lack of nurturing that he gets more with us. It doesn't appear to be just because one parent is easier than the other. I offer more support and am closer to him than his own mother. That's just sad.

So I'm picking at DH today - discussing the kids grades, and I get a lot of "I don't knows". No push forward to find out the answers to I don't know's... just shrugging ignorantly to the concerns.

The funny (and sad) thing about it all - BM constantly calls DH about SS17 - basically she has no control on him and he refuses to do anything - he locks himself in his room to avoid her at all times. DH says - that's between you two. The week prior to this she was calling DH names because he called her out on being neglectful of SS17 who needed to go to the doctors (the appointment we made for them wasn't convenient for her). That same week we took SS17 to ER for severe abdominal pain - and BM (on a Sunday), stayed home. If that were MY child, I wouldn't care, I would have been there. We all live less than 2 miles from this hospital. To me that speaks volumes that you can't even pull away from whatever you're doing to come see your first born son who was clearly in pain and scared.

DH seems to think now is the time to take SS17 to court to discuss him living with us for his senior year. Just sucks it took so long, because sadly that is what he has wanted since 7th grade. Both parents kept saying they didn't want the children separated - and I get that - but BM has proven time and again that she's just a paycheck and a roof over their heads, moreso with her son than SD16. SD16 she can take shopping and they both are all about themselves so they have more in common. SS17 is a replica of DH and she treats him as such.

Just such a heavy sigh today.