Although I will never agree with BM's tactics and drama, I can see why she blew up last night with SD15.

All of us as parents and step-parents have those moments where we feel absolutely unappreciated and taken for granted. You ask children, no matter the age, to respect their property, yours, the house, help now and then, etc. By the 7th, 8th, 9th, bazillionth time that you have to ask for help, you're inches short of a breakdown. You want to throw your hands up in frustration and run away from it all.

SD15 calls DH last night, upset that mom was being so mean to her and told her that she wasn't going to take care of her anymore, that she wasn't going to feed her, or basically do anything for her. She cut off the cable in the house (or just in her room, we're not sure). Said that BM came into the room and put the kitchen garbage bag in there.

DH automatically goes into "well if your mom doesn't want to take care of you, you'll just live here", rather than actually think things a little further. But, he doesn't have to. He's not raising children on his own, he's not even ME, who is the caretaker of the home and has the same frustrations with the children that BM does. You walk past trashed rooms, wet towels on the floor, a garbage can filled to the brim because someone is too lazy to pull it out, take it out, and replace with a new liner. He doesn't pick up crap off the floor, or find food in the couch, or cups in every corner of the house.

And, because partly because they are teens - you have to remind them time and again to do things.

My mother, a single mother, would also hit the wall and just lose it after days, months, years of feeling unappreciated. That wet towel on the floor that I left was the straw that broke the camel's back.

More than likely, although SD15 helps more around her BMs house, she put off cleaning, helping, and said she was going to take out the trash but just never did. My peeve (and I'm sure same goes for BM) is that if I ask for help or someone to take out the trash, it doesn't mean 8 hours later. In light of the issues that SD15 has been having with partying, boys, etc., that adds to the stress and one can only take so much.

So, I explain all of this to DH, which seems to fall on deaf ears.

I said, I can actually sympathize with blowing up. I would think - well, since asking nicely isn't helping, perhaps shocking the shit out of them will be a wakeup call. My mom removed the cables in the house so I couldn't watch t.v., she removed the phones from the wall jacks, she put friends and parents on alert that I wasn't allowed near their houses if I was on punishment. The measures were extreme, but I see now how it all led to that. TV is a privilege. Internet is a privilege.

He says: "my kids help... they are appreciative." I said, they help when pressed HARD. That's what teens do. The caretakers lose it after awhile, they are tired of having to ASK for help. Just once they want some recognition or someone to take the lead - and say, listen, I really know you work hard, and the last thing you want to do after a long day is pick up our shit - here, let ME help.

You don't hear that. If you do, look out the door, as pigs may be flying.

This is pretty much the only thing I would agree on with the BM.