Why does this bother me so much?
We got SS a tablet for his bday. My boys put some of their holiday money together and went in halvsies to get one that they share. It took me at least a week before I set them up with email addresses, google accounts, etc so that they could download apps, etc.
SS got his device on Saturday when it arrived in the mail. We told him to familiarize himself with the device, read the directions, etc and that we'd set up the extra features at another time. Actually, I'll be the one setting it up since DH has no clue.
First thing out of his mouth when we get home from picking him up on Sunday night: "dad, can you set up my tablet?" DH tells him that Stepp Off will need to do it. SS doesn't bother asking me.
About 20 min later, SS13 asks DH when he can get his video games back. (He asked the same question yesterday and DH told him we still needed to see his report card and that it will be a while - I was so proud, but I digress). DH let him have it and told him not to ask again.
Then he comes down and asks us to set up the DVD player because his mom got him a movie and he wants to watch it. Again, DH asks him if EVERYONE wants to watch it, then he'll set it up. But no, EVERYONE doesn't want to watch it.
This kid seriously thinks the world revolves around him.
OK - last one:
Last week he asks if he can hang out with his older cousin on Monday (today) since the cousin told him he doesn't work on MOndays. We tell him we'll see as we have to ask the 21 year old if he even wants to hang with the 13 year old.
So I get it all set up that the cousin will pick SS up on MOnday and that he'll have his girlfriend with him and they'll stop by grandpa's... etc, etc. We let SS know and he goes, "Oh, I don't want to go then". Sorry SS, you're going!
I know that this kid was all alone with his dad for 8 years while BM was MIA and the whole family felt sorry for him but they have created a monster.
Luckily, after "asking for more gifts" episode on his birthday, DH and I had a discussion and he agreed that we aren't doing him any favors by going out of our way for him or trying to do extra for him so he can feel like he's part of the family, etc.
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Comments
Personally, it would bother
Personally, it would bother me that my kids had to pool their own money to share a tablet...and SS just gets one handed to him.
I'm actually proud of my boys
I'm actually proud of my boys for pooling their money and sharing one.
But yes. SS seems to get more of everything. DH and I have been discussing it lately and we are in agrement that we aren't helping him.
When we all moved in together, we made a big deal to get him new teen-ager furniture for his room and we put a flat screen in there and he has his Xbox set up in there. We've since taken all his video games away, stripped his room of many of his belongings, and disconnected the TV. He didn't appreciate it, had a bad attitude and was a general piss ant about everything.
It's part my fault as well. I know that things have changed a LOT for him in the past year: his mom is back in the picture, he now has 3 step siblings and a step mom he has to share his dad with, new school, new city, new friends, etc. But I began resenting him for not appreciating all the extras I've given him and he clearly has a LONG way to go in the attitude and thankfullness department.
It sounds like your DH is
It sounds like your DH is really trying. He can still make a difference-it is not too late, but you all have to stay strong.
My husband's "kids" are 19, 20, and 23. They have no coping skills because BM taught them the world revolves around them. She and DH did not have a lot of money, so she did not give them things, but she did let them do what they wanted, when they wanted. There was no discipline or boundaries. DH would try to intervene, and she would ignore him. Throw in PAS and you have a mess. Both myself and DH have tried to help them, but unless you are giving them money or buying them something, they do not want to be bothered. If something does not go their way, they whine and freak out. They seriously cannot handle rejection.
So, you are in a difficult phase with your SS now, but you will be preventing this kind of mess down the road.
THanks. And yes, I do feel
THanks. And yes, I do feel like my DH is really trying.
It IS hard but I know (at least I've been told) that it will all pay off and to just keep at it with the structure and boundaries.