Q - What's the proper thing regarding clothing?
With all the talk about clothing that I've noticed lately, I have two scenarios that I'd like to discuss:
1) SS13 lives with us and has EOWE with BM. He had a two week visit with her last summer and we did not send him with any clothes as we were under the impression that she would prepare for him. She had told him in advance that she bought him clothing for his visit, so that's why we made that assumption. However, she was pissed that we didn't send him with anything. This summer, he is to do two weekends on/off between homes. What is the expectation regarding clothing. She does not pay us any child support. Is there a court mandate on any of this or a "standard"?
2) My Bios live with me about 60/40. I have a great relationship with their dad. My Ex pays me child support and I buy most of their clothing, school uniforms etc. We each have an agreement with the school regarding how much we pay - he does work for them and I pay, though his portion is greater. We go back and forth (depending on my finances) whether I ask him to pitch in for their activities or whether I just pay them. He will often ask me for more school clothes or play clothes when his "run out". It annoys me, but I always give him clothing when he asks. I'm wondering, again - what is the standard here?
Or how do others handle this both in a difficult situation/relationship like that we share with BM and in a healthy one, like that we share with exH?
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Comments
Before I disengaged, I would
Before I disengaged, I would make sure skid was sent back to his Mom in the same outfit he was in when he was picked up from her. We did not exchange anything. 50/50 joint with no support, she is responsible for his upkeep when she has him and vice versa. Since the last court date, skid is there for school, here Thurs-Sun, DH pays child support to cover school expenses and in my opinion, this includes school clothes. MIL deals with skid and BM now though, and she sends him back in nice and/or new outfits every week and sends the outfit he was in back as well. So, BM gets a new outfit every week out of MIL. I don't agree with this, but really don't care, it is not coming out of my pocket. If MIL wants to be used that is her choice.
We purchase all of his
We purchase all of his clothing and he probably has more clothes than any of the kids in the house.
I agree and wouldn't want him to feel bad either. We didn't plan on sending him with anything last time because she made a big deal about all the things she purchased for him for his visit and he didn't think he needed anything. He'd been going there eowe so, we figured he was pretty clear on what he had there. BM does like to tell big stories, but then never follows through, so I'm not surprised that she made it sound like she had much more than she actually did.
When FDH lived in another
When FDH lived in another state, BM Redneck, used to send the girls for their summer visitation with their dad with empty bags. FDH would have to buy them clothes for their visit & of course would return them with the SD's because they wouldn't get much use of clothes when he only saw the girls a couple of times per year. He paid quite a bit of money in CS.
Now, we have custody of the SKids from Nasty. We pack enough clothes for how ever many days she wants to keep them for. She pays CS.
From what I've seen, if a parent has EOWE or 50/50, each parent should be responsible to keep sufficient clothes/toys at their homes for their children.
Your SS is old enough (as Frieda pointed out) to pack his stuff & to bring it all back home again if BM is going to have him at her home without supplying her own son with what he needs, then I'd just tell your SS to pack what he wants/needs in the future.
Dh had EOWE. His decree says
Dh had EOWE. His decree says she provides clothing.
She provided tacky clothing that didn't fit. We had clothing that stayed at our house. BM was furious said it was the kids clothes they should be able to bring home what they wanted.
SD became 13, SS was 8/9. They started packing their clothes from BM. We quit buying clothes.
I always packed Dds clothing for her visitation with her dad. He bought her a ton of clothes while there, but I didn't want him to think that it was necessary, or that I expected OT.