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Oh SS13, When Will You Learn?

step off already's picture

Homework is always an issue for SS13. We enrolled him in the same small private school that my bios attend so that he could get the attention he needs. He ALWAYS seems to "forget" to do his homework. He will look his dad in the eye and tell him he is done with his homework and even take the time to show him what's been done, but then we find out that he skipped SOMETHING.

We've been asking him all week to bring home his little notebook where the teachers make them write down the homework in it after each class. (Now mind you, there are about 20 7th/8th graders TOTAL in the school, so he is not moving from class to class and dealing with mix ups). For some reason the poor dear couldn't seem to "remember" to bring it home.

I reminded DH to ask him if he had it when he picked him up from school on Friday (we walk IN to the school to pick up the kids). Of course, SS said he had it.

Yesterday morning, we asked SS about homework. He said he didn't have any. I asked him to get his assignment book. He said there was nothing written in it. I told him that wasn't what I was asking and he needed to get the book. So he begrudgingly went upstairs to get his book, but again, the poor dear "forgot" it.

Then we had the "discussion" and even though he "had no homework" he tells us that Monday is the day that all missing assignments are due for the quarter. Why didn't he tell us before? Oh, the poor dear didn't know. LOL.

Anyway, i'm getting irritated with his "I don't know's" and "I didn't knows" and I tell him to go upstairs and get to work. But he likes to argue. So after I told him for the third time to go upstairs, DH walks him upstairs so they can continue their argument. (We have very different styles. I don't argue with kids. I tell them what to do).

About 5 minutes later, I had breakfast ready so I called my Bios down. They asked what the problem was and I just say, "oh, the usual" and DD12 says, "Homework and Disrespect?" I said, "you got it".

Then DS10 chimes in, "I tell him, just to do it and get it over with, but he never listens to my advice".

Oh, and then while eating breakfast I get a call from his science partner. Apparently his science project was due on Monday as well...

Guess who will be spending the next several WEEKS in his room working on projects and assignments that he won't be getting any credit for? That's right! SS13!

And guess who WON'T be going on the special 7th/8th grade trip to Washington DC if he doesn't get his act together and do every piece of homework between now and May 5th when it's time for his plane to depart?

Oh, the joys of raising someone else's kids...

Comments

mimi719's picture

I'm sitting back watching my SS14 fail right now.

What sucks is - it's driving me nuts that DH doesn't take away ANY priveleges, doesn't remind him to do homework, doesn't tear him off of that stupid fucking xbox.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

That's what we had to do with SS13 here- let him sink or swim. We tried everything. EVERYTHING. He simply will NOT do his homework. There comes a time when they have to grow up and learn responsibility. SS13 is finally starting to get it- he found out he's on track to fail 3 of his 4 core classes and will either be in summer school or repeat the grade (again). It may be too little too late, but that's what it took to open his eyes.

step off already's picture

Yes. I'm ready to let this kid fail (but it will be on DH's dime moving forward). SS thinks he's going to private high school. Um, no! Even funnier is that SS thinks he's moving into our (my) back house when he's older and the baby gets here. Um, wrong again.

SS can go move in with deadbeat mom!

step off already's picture

I'm about to take this advice, but I have a very hard time when I am the one writing out the $1000 checks each month to send him to the damned school.

Yesterday when I picked him up from school, I said, "Don't forget your assignment notebook" (the one noted in the OP) and he told me it was AT HOME! I was livid and nearly flipped a gasket right there. I had him spend the evening in his room till his dad got home.

A bit later that night we both laid into him and let him know he would NOT be returning to the school or going to Washington, etc, etc if he didn't get his act together.

Then DH went in to talk to him before bed and told him he was doing good, he just needed to complete his work.

When he told me I flew into a hormonal rage. I told him, of course he can say he's doing well. DH isn't the one writing the checks. And this will be the last one that I write. DH can be the one working extra hours to make sure he pays for SS's tuition cuz I'M DONE! Currently DH just hands me his checks each week and I manage all bills and money. I told him to keep his damned checks, but I expect half of the expenses to be paid to me on the first and 15th and that his son's tuition needs to be paid by the 5th of every month. DH brings home between $2k and $2800 each month, so he actually CAN"T afford to pay half the bills and his son's tuition. My thought is when he's the one scraping by to make sure he can pay the tuition, then he'll feel it a bit more.

I told him I'm tired of my credit rating going down and my kids sacrificing so that his kid can go to a better school than he has his entire life and look me in the eye and LIE about work, bringing things home, etc.

There is nothing I hate worse than asking SS a Q and hearing, "Huh" or "What" or "I didn't know" or a mumble because he's too embarassed to say the truth out loud - and I told DH all of this.

He tried to say, "well, he has BM's blood in him so he's a natural liar". Are you kidding me? He can go live with BM then!!!!!!

AAAAAckkckckcAa
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Ew......is it necessary that he attend the private school? Can't he go to public school where he can flunk for free?

step off already's picture

EXACTLY!

We put him there this year as this is what he needed. He needed smaller classes and a nurturing and caring environment. My Bios have gone there since K/preK and it is like a family and I knew he would excel in this environment because SURPRISE, he was doing poorly at his school last year.

We all moved in together at the end of last school year. We wanted to make a family unit. Now, don't get me wrong, for the most part, this kid has done a 180 in terms of grades, homework, etc. But he is not where he needs to be. And the "i don't know/i forgot" BS is driving me insane. I used to teach middle school so I am very familiar with this tactic and it aint going to to fly with me.

His dad told him (and me) last night that we'll send him to public school next year if he doesn't shape up. Which I am fine with (though slightly torn because I do know that he needs this structure and he is doing a whole hell of a lot better than he will do at our public school). We'll see. I'm hoping Dad will also care a lot more when he has to give up the things he likes (paying for his motorcycle insurance, etc) so that SS can goof around at private school.

We'll see.

Again, though, this is what sucks about step parenting. When my kids mess up, I stay on them. They get a consequence when they mess up and that's the end of it, till they pull themselves back on track - which is usually a very minor event. And I work with their dad so he stays on them also. We are 95% in sync and the kids know it. Not the case with SS.