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ExH pulls the "there's a difference between being willing to and being able to"

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Wed, 05/21/2014 - 9:23am

I'm sticking to my guns this time and not backing down to keep the peace. He stood me he will no longer pay for our children to attend private school after 8 straight years since k/ pre k.

I've started looking into less expensive options that I can afford on my own. He keeps pushing the kids towards public. I keep filling him in on their school visits and how they like each school.

Yesterday our text conversations went like this:

I'm confused why you had ds11 do a visit. You said
It would be best for him to stay at his current school.

Yes. But it's the most expensive school in our area and if you're no longer willing to pay, then I need to make sure my children are set up for next school year in an appropriate environment.

I never said that. I'm willing. I'm just not able.

... Then he went on a BM-style tirade stating that I'm not communicating with him, that he's a good father, that I say I don't want to fight but my actions are different.

It was a good solid 6 maniacal texts in a row. I simply responded, "let's not have this conversation via text. we both agree that the children's education is important. We both want what's best for the kids. Let's talk more about this tomorrow if you like."

He is seriously acting crazy because I am not rolling over and letting him make all the decisions.

Comments

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Wed, 05/21/2014 - 9:32am

My lawyer actually suggested yesterday that emailing is better than texting when we were working on my decree that she sent off to stb ex yesterday. She said that there is something about texting that gets people more heated. Aslo with email you have a better opportunity to step back.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Wed, 05/21/2014 - 10:53am

The public schools are not a nice place around here: sex,drugs, violence - even against the teachers.

I've found a school where all three of my children could attend for only $10,500 for the year. He replied that he does not have $550 disposable income to spend on them.

This man runs a very successful contracting firm. When we were together he averaged $100K per year. His business is much larger these days. He drives a brand new truck and runs all of his expenses through his business. He rents a home in a very nice neighborhood for $500 more a month than my mortgage. He vacations in nice places and he has just had SM quit her job to help him more at his office.

So, as far as I'm concerned, he's very ABLE. Just not WILLING.

And maybe I sound like a greedy BM which is fine. I'm not putting the kids in public school and if he's no longer willing to pay for private and I am, then I don't see what the issue is.

Oh wait, I know. He feels like a dick for backing out... or maybe he doesn't like that I'm doing something for the children that he is no longer WILLING to do and he's angry that I'm not just doing what he says.

learningallthetime's picture

Submitted by learningallthetime on Wed, 05/21/2014 - 9:43am

I agree with the comment about avoiding texts - they are very invasive. With email you can look when you have a chance, and respond at length. With texts they can feel like they are bombarding you, it can be hard to maintain a back and forth as people send several texts at a time. I hate texts.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Wed, 05/21/2014 - 10:54am

Agree. Nothing I hate more than receiving an irrational/inflamatory/argumentative text and then while I'm taking a moment to hear the phone continue to ding-ding-ding with additional comments.

RAises my blood pressure.