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BM Finally Goer her Gangrene Claws into SS about our New Baby

step off already's picture

Friday night SS13 went for the last of his 3 two week visits to see BM. During his last visit, he chose not to mention the birth of his new sister as he knew she would only have bad things to say. He adores the baby and thinks she is the cutest thing ever and really likes being more connected to our big blended family. (I have DD12, DS10 and DS9 and now DH and I have our first baby together - SS13's first sibling).

The baby has really brought our family closer together as all the kids love their new baby sister and it gives them all a commonality within the family. DH thinks that it has made SS feel more like he is part of the family and I think I agree with DH's theory.

Anyway, DH had one of his court-ordered calls with SS last night and boy did his attitude change from Monday night's phone call. On Monday night, DH was happy to hear that SS couldn't wait to get home. He also told DH about a conversation he had with a school mate via the xbox about his new sister. DH felt good after the calel and thought that SS really understood that our house was his home and that BM's wasn't the fantasy land that he had built it up to be during her her 7 year absence.

Anyway, last night, DH gets off the phone with SS and I can tell he's upset. SS was saying things to DH, "now you have another child... now you won't have the same amount of love for me... you can't love me AND her the same" and on and on. Clearly BM was trying her best to put down DH in an effort to propel herself into the Top Parent spot (as if there is one).

My advice to DH was that we should really feel sorry for BM. Even though she left DH and SS 8 years ago, she still has nothing better to do than try to control and / or make DH and SS feel bad. IT's the only power she has and she likes to use it so she can feel better. It's sad really.

I told DH that SS would be home next week and we knew that we'd have to deal with this at some point. We'll have two weeks of our own with SS without any visits to BM's. Then she will only get to see him on her usual EOWes for the rest of the year.

I also positioned everything to DH. Yes, the baby is DH's child now too. Which means that SS now has a life long friend. This baby will be the aunt to his children, she will help baby sit and be with him for every holiday and they will always have each other. When DH dies, she will be the only one that knows what kind of father he was and she will be the only one to understand what SS is feeling. I pointed out that both of my siblings are "half" siblings, but we are all family and love each other very much. SS LOVES my brother and sister.

DH says we'll have to have a talk with SS to "re-program" him when he comes home. I'm fine with that.

What I thought was interesting was that this is actually the first time that I felt sorry for BM. She lives a sad life. I don't know exactly what she said to SS, but she achieved her goal of putting doubt into his little messed up head. What kind of person - and mother, no less- could fathom doing that to a child?

Sad.

Comments

AliceP's picture

That is so sad. I just don't get it A Biological mother loves their child and does not want their child hurt so why would she make him feel bad about the new sibling? My BD is obsessed with her older sister and asks about them all the time and I have often wanted to yell. "They don't call you or anything they are selfish." But that would crush her so I am able to put my own icky feelings aside for my daughter. I just don't get it.

misSTEP's picture

Does he have any friends with big families? Maybe use that as an example that love is NOT finite. People don't just have a kid and then run out of love for more. That is so stupid that BM even said that.

hereiam's picture

Evidently, there's a lot of these BMs out there.

My SD's BM thought nothing of telling SD over and over that her dad does not love her, does not want to see her, etc. She even told my husband the wrong meeting place once so she could prove her point when he didn't show up. Then, after he got home from the wrong place, she called so he could hear SD crying in the background.

SD is 22 now and I believe her relationship with her dad has been permanently damaged to a degree because of BM's lies and manipulation.

Usually, parents want to protect their kids from being hurt and feeling bad.

I don't get it, either.

LadyG's picture

The venom that BM spews out of her mouth needs to be contained as this needs to be discussed with an attorney now. Apparently, if she was absent for 7 years and now in SS's life, there should've been no argument that BM needed to STAY out of your SS's life permanently. He was perfectly happy being with you and DH...

Now you both have to clean up her mess. Lovely. I would writing these things down to show the attorney if you both want full custody of this child. For his well being, he neither needs to hear the vile spewing of BM's jealousy or needs to be subject to any of this kind of negativity. He's a big brother now and this should be an honor for him, not any kind of competition for love as BM states.

I wouldn't take that child back to see his BM under any circumstances. Some of these BMs. that I hear about on this board are beyond BS.

tryingmom's picture

BM in our situation told the skids that my BS28 was NOT their step brother, that he is nothing to them. Nice. BM also has the skids call her BF/Fiancé's kids their step brother and sister. Ummmm....they are not even married yet. Guess it's just a situational thing for BM.

AliceP's picture

My Sds only child cousin who has lived with them on and off the past 7 years told the girls when my youngest was born that my BDs weren't their real sisters just step sisters and that she was more their sister than the BDs were. She was 13 at the time, and 17 now and still seems to have this jealousy issue with her cousins having anything to do with their half sisters. weird.

luchay's picture

When you do have your talk with ss point out that YOU have now 4 bio children and ss and you have enough love to g around ALL of them - that's just how it is being a parent, there is always enough love and he already knows this if he hinks abut how you love all your kids....

My skids BM has pulled the same sort of crap. Telling the skids things like now that daddy has a new family (me and my bd's) he won't love you or have time for you anymore, daddy won't be intersted in you guys now that he has luchay and HER kids etc.

All we can do is make sure they know they are loved and as much a part of our family as my bios, and for OH to keep spending time with the two of them away from us every week as well as each one getting quality one on one dad time.

Hate that insane, cruel bitch though, who in their right mind does that to their own kids??