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at the end of my rope

stellar31576's picture

Submitted by stellar31576 on Thu, 09/27/2012 - 3:44pm

So, I am a bio mom of 4 ( two adult children two minors 12 and 9) And I am a step mom to a 9yr old as well. right now in my home it is only the two 9 yr olds ( my 12 couldnt handle the chaos and wanted to try a year with his Dad...which is heartbreaking for me)
I am at a complete loss with my Step Daughter. I am very easy going aand layed back. I CAN NOT stand conflict...to a fault. But this child has just about used up all I got. she is hateful, rude, mouthy, argumentative. she SCREAMS at me if she has to do anything she doesnt want to. if she is questioned as to why she did something, she BURSTS into tears and starts screaming and yelling about how much everyone hates her( deflecting...I know)
Dont get me wrong...kid had it rough..she grew up with a mother who was mentally unstable and emotionally abusive. court gave custody to dad..who is a hard core army dude and was doing the best he could... but its been two years, counseling, supervised visitation, her Bio mom hasnt stepped out of line in about a year. our home life is good, Dad retired, we have everything we need, we play and laugh...she does FABULOUS in school...but she talks to her father and I like we are trash and I cant take anymore.
as of yesterday I have her on restriction and shes already screaming at me that I should let her off. According to Bio dad...her Bio mom used to tell him all the time how horrible my step daught was behaving. like losing her mind. he was deployed alot and never really saw it. we all thought it was the Bio mom...but now two years later we are seeing in clear light. she lies to her mother and gets angry and screams at us when we tell her how wrong it is.
she is constantly putting others down..making fun of everyone...disabilities, ethnicities, you name it...she makes fun of them. i dont know what to do. any help, advice, thoughts, on what I could be doing wrong, would literally save my sanity.. Smile

Comments

Frustr8d1's picture

Submitted by Frustr8d1 on Thu, 09/27/2012 - 3:57pm

Sounds exactly like my SD9...and I also hate conflict to a fault...and DH is also a rough-around-the-edges military dude. BM is a 41-yr old convicted felon, got evicted so many times she now lives with her younger brother, mentally crazy, etc.

I'm telling you, YOU are not doing anything wrong. We have SD full time and the one thing my last 3 yrs with SD has taught me is I can't change crazy Sad For the longest time, DH and I both thought we could teach SD to have feelings for others, be respectful, don't stare & make fun of people with disabilities, etc. BUT, we can't. I am currently saving my sanity by telling myself daily that I didn't create this unkind child and I certainly can't mold her into a well-behaved person.

It helps to disengage from trying to change SD. I hope to influence in a positive way but I refuse to expect any good change from SD. Sorry, but lowering your expectations of SD and disengaging seems to be helpful. Not ideal, but helpful.

Fading's picture

Submitted by Fading on Thu, 09/27/2012 - 4:23pm

Welcome to the StepZone Stellar...
I too have a demon skidmark. She is foul and rancid (in BOTH ways). We have her in therapy, but alas, crazies be crazy and the therapist is hinting she is showing sociopathic signs...Whoany, one thing we tried with Skidmark (Crazy-doc recommended!) is what we called lockdown. We took away EVERYTHING. Toys, tv, movies, fancy clothes (she only had so many pairs of pants, shirts, etc...no brand names or prints), no playing with friends, no games, no tv. Her room was only a bed, a dresser, and a lamp. This didn't work for the She-Demon, but maybe it will with yours? If DH agrees to it anyway. If nothing else, take the brat to a counselor. Sounds like she may need it.