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I'm hiding in my room...

SteelRose's picture

Submitted by SteelRose on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 9:25pm

...I'm so sick of ss20 being here and b/c he is not working and waiting to go to job corps, he sits around my living room all day. The last 3 days I have been sick, (better today so I worked a short shift) and he has sat around, he dominates the tv and he is ALWAYS talking. Also b/c he is here this draws ss16 out of his room and those two together will not shut up and will not budge. My living room is not a very pleasant environment for me at all. This morning I sat in my room and then when I get home from work DH has supper ready, bless his heart and there sits ss20 and ss16, waiting for supper and talking and laughing and watching a stupid show. I grabbed supper, sat on the couch for a minute and told DH I'd like to watch something else, ss20 walks in and un pauses what they were watching so I came in here and locked the door behind me. DH unlocks the door and comes in and of course the whole stream of excuses and how ss20 is doing better, he'll be out of here soon, he's trying to be decent for me and make me like him, bla bla bla comes rolling out, he's not caring about how it feels like to come home to healthy able bodied men sitting around while I am working even when I am not feeling 100% just so the damn bills get paid.

So I threw a bomb shell at him to maybe make him see how seriously un happy I am and told him that I asked xh if I could move into his finished off basement that he is thinking about renting out soon. I know it's way over the line but I have no other family in the states to go live with and I just paid all the rent and bills on this house and have only $66 in my account now. I guess I wanted to wake DH up to the fact that I am making serious plans about moving. He knows that I moved in with him when my xh would not let me live with him any longer and I had no family to live with or money to rent a place of my own. This would be reversed. DH said ss20 will be off to job corps soon, and I said I might be gone sooner.

Please don't preach at me ladies about this. I know that this was not a good thing to say to DH and I know that this might be the end of my marriage. I know all this b/c I am nearly 50 and I am so not happy. I HATE how my life is not what I want it to be and wish to God DH and I could be kid free and live simply together. I do NOT like his kids at all.

My boys hide in their room and I hide in mine. How sad is this? How freakin sad? I know my sisters would die if they knew.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 10:05pm

I thought he was supposed to be staying in the shed? I knew your DH wouldn't make him stay out there.

I would make it a not pleasant environment for your SS and your DH both. Take back your living room!

If I was your DH, I would be embarrassed that my son is not enough of a man to humble himself and be grateful to someone for giving him a roof over his head so he doesn't have to live in his car. SS should be asking you, "What channel would you like to watch? I will turn it there for you."

momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 10:40pm

I was raised in an home where we deferred to the adults. I know that so many homes are not like that nowadays and I blame the parents for raising entitled children. This is really dh's fault. Not ss20. Although he knows better. he is not being pressured or pressed or corrected by his father. It should not fall to you to carve out a place in a room full of guys just to relax and eat your dinner. How rude of both of them.
I'm sad that you said that to your dh but it sounds like you know what you are doing and are at the end of your rope.

Sad

SteelRose's picture

Submitted by SteelRose on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 11:06pm

Thanks ladies. We talked, DH and me, and I told him that ss20 moving in was really the last straw on this camels back, and definitely the heaviest. I have been pulling this load of supporting us all for too long and after the new year I am taking a long holiday, maybe fly up to where 5 of my sibs live and spend time with them, and DH will be responsible for awhile to keep this home a float. He agreed it was high time I take a holiday.

I told him I am tired and not only that but I think I am still grieving over the loss of my parents two and three years ago (dad died Feb 2010 and mom Feb 2011) and also losing my younger sisters b/c I married DH, and the loose of my daughter when I put her into a home when she was 13 so I didn't get to completely raise her. Lots of grief in my life I haven't had a chance to fully process.

It'll all start to work out soon where the boys will all grow up and DH and I will maybe get a honeymoon.

stepmonster_2011's picture

Submitted by stepmonster_2011 on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 11:17pm

Please do yourself a favor - go back and re-read your blogs. For over a year now you've said something like

"it'll all start to work out when XXXXXX happens"

When your husband is no longer doing chemo
when your husband gets back to work
when your SS (one or both) moves out...

WHY are YOU waiting for others to do something to start living YOUR life?

You knew letting this lazy adult move back in was a mistake. You told us that you knew this. Yet you allowed this to happen with the "but he's only going to be in the shed" but within in a DAY of allowing this that brat and your POS husband let him back into the house.

Why on earth would he ever go to job corps? He's got it made. Why would your husband start working? he's got it made.

YOU ARE GOING TO SNAP.

If you were one of my besties - I would look you in the eye and tell you to get yourself out NOW. not soon. Call that ex up and go live in his basement. Break your current lease - get your name off those bills - YOU are being used. YOU know this. Yet you do nothing about it.

Your husband and his crummy kids are never going to respect you until you respect yourself.

Pull up your big girl panties sister.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 11/03/2013 - 9:47am

He agreed it was high time I take a holiday.

Well, that was nice of him. So, he calmed you down, while still doing nothing about the current situation.

How long are you going to sit back and wait for your life to start?