Physically present during pickups - at wits end!
We are having an issue with BM (who lives 9 hours away) where she is sending her ex-girlfriend to pick up the children under the guise that the woman is picking the kids up on her way to pick up BM from the airport. The last time this happened, we found out that the ex-gf had the kids for 3-4 hours before picking up BM from the airport. They told the kids it was because her flight was "delayed". Bm tried it again this weekend, but FDH told her from now on she needs to be physically present all pickups. She threw a fit, called him names, said he didn't have the right to demand it, blah blah, but he stood firm. Quite frankly, I didn't agree with letting the woman take them the first time, but that's another story.
This time, BM claimed she was getting in around 7 pm in her first communication. She said the ex-gf would pick up the kids around 6:30 pm. He told BM to pick them up after she got off the plane but she refused. She told him to drop the kids off at her sister's house and she would get them from there. Her sister lives five minutes away! He asked her why would he do this .....if she can pick them up from her sister's house, she can pick them up from her house. He even volunteered to drive 40 minutes to the airport and be there at 7pm when her flight got in to save her ex-gf the 1.5 hour trip to our house. She refused that too!! Once she did that, we pretty much knew that she was getting in a lot later than 7pm. Eventually she gave him an excuse and said she found out her flight was delayed and she would just pick them up when she got there. She ended up getting to our home at 1 am in the morning. If FDH had let the kids go with that woman, she would have had the kids for almost 6 hours when they could have been in the safety of their own home with their father.
When they go to court in two weeks, he is just going to tell the court that he wants BM to be physically present for all pickups. This isn't an unreasonable demand, correct? And that when she leaves to go back to her home 9 hours away, she needs to return the kids to FDH and not have this woman keeping them overnight. Given his recent history with her in court, I wouldn't be surprised if they told him he HAS to turn the kids over to this woman!!
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Comments
Does your state have basic
Does your state have basic parenting guidelines? Usually if the parents need to be at the exchange unless they can't be and then an adult the kids know and are comfortable with need to be. I've been married 12 years....and have not been part of the drop off process in years. And even then I can count on my hands the number of times I was by myself.
I'll have to check about the
I'll have to check about the parenting guidelines. They don't have anything about pickup in the visitation guidelines.
Really? I think it's insane.
Really? I think it's insane. What is the sense of turning over the kids for hours to a woman FDH doesn't even know when BM is 9 hours away in another state?
I'm glad I asked. FDH was going to go to the judge with it.
Unless your court order
Unless your court order specifies otherwise, BM has the right to designate a responsible adult to do her picking up and dropping off when her visitation begins and ends. Lots of people can't pick their kids up themselves at the court ordered time because of work obligations, etc.
They don't have anything in
They don't have anything in regards to pickup on record and dont even have a current visitation schedule because she refuses to agree to anything and keeps putting off the hearing. He just gets a text message saying she's gonna get the kids in two hours.
With what everyone is saying, it sounds like she can just have this person come to our house, take the kids, keep them for a day or a weekend or whenever BM decides to show up...all while BM is 9 hours away.
Without a CO outlining
Without a CO outlining visitation she is pretty much at the mercy of whatever you agree to. I wouldn't let her do that calling whenever crap. It makes it impossible to make family plans, and it's bullshit. I don't see any reason she can't agree to some structured schedule. My schedule is pretty hectic so that just wouldn't work for me. I need things planned as much as possible. Maybe it works better in your situation, but it would drive me nuts.
He has tried for years to get
He has tried for years to get her to give advance notice and she just won't do it. It does make it impossible to make plans, but we learned to do just whatever we're going to do anyway. Just last week he AGAIN asked her to give at least a week's notice and she said ok and Friday he got two hours notice and then today we were lucky and got four hours notice for the dropoff. It drives me absolutely crazy. One year FDH had the last week of the year off (a week she was supposed to have them) and she found out from her sister and she just dropped them off on the front step and waited til he opened the door and sped off.
Have your FDH ask for right
Have your FDH ask for right of first refusal. Use these two examples of why you are asking for it. You may not get it so that ex can't send someone else, but you may very well be successful at keeping the hcildren for that extra time which is your ultimate goal. The trick will be proving what time the ex's plane comes in.