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Does step parenting get better after age 18??

springINstep's picture

Submitted by springINstep on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 9:06pm

Please someone give me some encouragement and tell me that when your step child becomes an adult that the bm's games end?? Or at least are minimal. I just cannot see an end in sight with this situation. I will be able to get through it all much easier if I hear things will be better when the child is grown.
My poor husand new the bm for a month they were 16 years old and bam now he has to live with this forever. Talk about a good form of birth control, his story.

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springINstep's picture

Submitted by springINstep on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 9:19pm

can anyone answer this question.?? I know every siuation is different.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 9:26pm

I'm hoping so! SS is 14 and I keep counting down until he turns 21 (which is when support stops) - however, I am seriously hoping it stops before then!

SD turned 18 and went to college and BM was pretty much a pest for that freshman year. Giveme Giveme Giveme.......you are a lousy dad- disgusting and a disgrace when he said NO NO NO.

LONGTIME SM's picture

Submitted by LONGTIME SM on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 10:31pm

You might want to read some of the adult blogs - my adult steps are middle aged and BM is still controlling all of their actions and is still trying through them to control things in my home also! All DH can do is to totally disown middle aged steps because ths will never change. Since he won't contact adult steps unless forced I would say it appears he has decided to do just that! most SM of adultds skids have simialr stories - very few that I have read on here have good relationships.

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Wed, 03/09/2011 - 8:01am

imo as long as you put your foot down then i'm sure it would be, i've already told skids what to expect. (one has already declared that she's coming over once a week to play our xbox connect-i shot that down REALLY fast) not that i mind her playing it when she does come over, but if i get the hint or feeling that she's coming over JUST for that, she can forget it all together.

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Wed, 03/09/2011 - 9:01am

I agree with Snickersgal - once the legal ties are cut, it might be a little easier.

My SD is 19, and it's easier in some ways, not any different in other ways. DH is required to pay CS and college tuition until she is at least 22 (if not longer depending if she decides to go to grad school.)

So the continued CS sucks (although it is pro-rated for when she is home from school) and the tuition makes the payments higher than ever. It's financially difficult because before she went to college, he only paid $12000 per year to BM, and set aside probably $300 per month for college. Now he pays $6000 per year for the CS and an additional $15000 per year for tuition, and still has to set aside $500 per month to try to come up with enough money for her next two years of tuition. Since he pays CS, BM still gripes to him for money every chance she gets, so that part isn't any easier.

DH doesn't get phone calls about BM and SD fighting now that she's away at school which makes life a lot less drama and BM free. Definitely a bonus.

A downside for DH (although upside for me lol) is that SD is not around much anymore. DH realized she only comes around for money, and since he doesn't have much extra, he finally started saying no to her, and so she doesn't bother with him.

I can't wait for all legal responsibilities to be gone because maybe then DH can try to forge a more "normal" relationship with SD, although from others' stories on here, it's not very hopeful.