Will try to make this as short as possible -- lots has happened.
DH and BM were married for 18 yrs. Took 7 yrs to have 1st son. Less than 1 year later had 2nd son. BM got very depressed and started therapy (DH found out later from family that she was in therapy for depression as a teenager). BM wanted a girl so bad and DH also found out later that when he was not home she was dressing 2nd son (when baby) as a girl and even taking in public that way. After a couple yrs BM seemed to be doing better. 7 yrs later, prego again (after trying for several yrs)and thank god had a girl this time. When girl was 2 yrs old, BM gave DH divorce papers for christmas (literally, as a gift). Caught him way off guard, he did not want divorce. Took 7 mo to get divorce because he did not want it, but when he found out she had been and still was having affair (with a friend of his), then it was done within couple of weeks. They lived in the same house during this whole time. After divorce was final, he was helping her get a place for her and children, when she up and moved out of house and in with her bf while DH was gone for 5 days. He came home to empty house. They had joint custody with her having physical custody and him EOW visitation. Less than 30 days later she called him and said to come get the 2 boys because she did not want them anymore, she only wanted the little girl (at time SS11, SS10, SD3). DH filed for temp custody of boys(so she could not up and just want them back) and also filed for full custody of all 3 kids. Within 2 weeks temp custody was granted (another story there - she pissed off the judge by lying to him and he caught her)and had court date for full custody hearing 6 weeks later. BM did not even show up for the hearing, she faxed papers to judges office 5 minutes before hearing started, signing papers to give DH custody of all. 10 minutes into hearing she sent txt to DH telling him to meet her to pick up daughter and her stuff. Judge told him "get out of here, go get your daughter, your attorney and I will take care of the rest". BM went almost 5 mo with no contact with her children, she refused, said she could not deal with DH "stealing" her babies from her. I moved in with DH 2 mo after he got custody to help with the kids (we married a little over a yr later - Jan '10). Things went fairly well for almost a yr, with somewhat regular visitation between kids and BM. Last fall BM was arrested for stealing funds from a non-profit childrens group that she had been the treasurer for. Her face was plastered across news stations and papers all over the state. She would not even take calls from the kids to answer their questions about what was happening. BM and bf live over an hour away and the kids live in the community where this all took place - the kids had the embarrassment of facing people and their friends in town and she did not - very hard on them. This is not her first time stealing, just the first time charges were pressed. She even stole her deceased mothers wedding rings from her fathers house last summer and pawned them to pay her bf's electric bill so that it would not get shut off (sad - sad - sad). SS's were already having real issues with her because they were standing right beside her when she told DH that she did not want them, add no contact and then this = major issues with her. Both SS's have been in counceling for quite some time trying to learn how to deal with their feelings because of all her s**t. 4 months ago the boys brought home a cell phone (no longer has service to it - she only used for camera) from BM house that they found laying on kitchen counter. It had over 100 pics of her and bf doing some really nasty things close up on it (one close up of her with 2 a ended toy inserted in boths places). It also had some very nasty text messages that she sent to her bf (when it did have service - before they got different phones). Look up sadomasochism and it will give you some idea of what these messages were like. Overnite visitations stopped immediately and we are now waiting on hearing for supervised visitation (even have letter from court approved therapist of boys recommending supervised). I have tried on numerous occasions to set up a time for her to see the kids, offering to meet her somewhere like a park so she can visit them. She had refused every offer. Then a couple of weeks ago, we received a certified overnite letter from her demanding to get the SD for her 5th birthday and keep her for several days. The last paragraph stated that she was even willing to explain to the boys why they are no longer "allowed" in her and bf's home. Here we go again, not wanting the boys, only her daughter. She was told absolutely not and that a mother can not "pick and choose her children". This sent the boys into worldwind of emotions all over again. I offered again to meet her somewhere on SD birthday so that she could see them. We ended up setting a time for BM's father to pick up the kids and take them to his house so she could come there and have a little party with them. BM's father is an wonderful person and an awesome grandfather. We live close to him and let him take the kids anytime he asks. We even do family dinners with her family, as she has cut off all communication with them also. Her sisters and I have become very close and all her family has commented on how the kids are so much better off being in our custody. Well, (per story from her father, not from the kids) this little supervised visit (which was gonna last about 1 1/2 hrs) ended up in an uproar in less than an hour. She started in yelling at the 2nd son and demanding him to talk to her about what happened with the phone. He told her that he did not want to talk about it and that they were there for SD birthday. She would not stop hounding him. Her own father told her to shut up two different times and she still did not. Finelly when SS got so mad that he walked out of the house, her father told her to "gather up your s**t and get the h**l out of my house and never come back". Because of this, supervised visitation is gonna be recommended to be done with a court appointed supervisor. She has proven she can not even behave herself with her family doing it. Her father has said that he will never do it again and WANTS to testify at the hearing as to what happened that day.

I will never in my life understand how a mother can do as she does (and she is 40 yrs old). I have a bio-daughter who is 21 and could never imagine not having her in my life.

Again, I'm sorry this was so long ... did not know how to shorten any more, i left out all the little things and it was still this long.

P.S. - she has a jury trial for the felony theft charges in 2 months (after several delays, this is supposed to be her final date - pissing off judge again, as it is in the same small county as divorce --- you go girl!!! -- LOL)