When I met DH about 3 years ago one of the first things he said to me was 1. He has 2 babies(ss4 just turned 1 and ss5 was 2) and 2. His ex and the mother of his babies is a crazy, mentally unstable piece of work. Why didn't I run away then? Why on God's green earth did I stay and allow myself to not only fall in love with him but marry him and buy a house with him?

Now those babies are 4 and 5 and the crazy ex keeps getting crazier. Over the years every time I wanted to leave because I couldn't take the shit anymore DH would convince me that "it'll get better" or "you save me and the kids lives by being here". I know he means it and it's not just all BS but my gosh! I'm so freaking tired!

Over the past 3 years BM came barged into my home, yelled at DH in front of me and the boys, refused to leave until we called the police, she sent numerous nastry text messages and emails badmouthing me, she constantly tells me that those are her children and not mine (good point, I should stop doing YOUR job BM), one time she was screaming so loud ss5 came and wrapped himself around my leg so I pick him up to comfort him and bitch came over snatched him out of my hands while reminding me that he's her son.

BUT all that is nothing compared to the hundreds of thousands of dollars she costs DH and now "us". CO said DH pays daycare and she reimburses him 1/2, he never saw a penny, also it's 50/50 custody but your highness only wants the kids when it's convenient. She constantly makes threats. DH can't take kids to Dr's appointments or even cut their hair without her consent. She refuses to anwer emails unless she is making threats or asking for us to keep the boys on her time. She took the kids to school even when they're sick and refuses to pick them up when the school call so guess who had to do it? Me, stupid SM me who takes a PTO to stay home with ssons because their BM is too busy to do it.

DH and I planned to TTC this year. We thought it'd be a good time because by the time baby comes DH's car will be paid off, ss5 is in kindergarten so no more daycare cost there. We have been saving so that I can have a sweet and long year of bounding time with our bio. Well, now as I watch the lawyer fees add up because BM refuses to reply to emails or allow DH to enroll SS5 in kindergarden or take him to Dr's appoitments. I'm watching my long maternity leave slowly dissapearing. All these constant stress is causing me to have second thoughts about trying for a baby now.

I'm freaking angry that wBM never had to work until SS4 was 2 and ss5 was 3.5 years old. In the divorce decree, DH had to pay her rent on top of CS for a year, and even though she's DH made less when he was with her, they could afford for her to stay home (granted they were always in debt)because there no unecessary lawyer fees or daycare costs. I work full itme, DH is making more. We thought we could afford for me to at least have some time at home because we've been saving for it and have planned and budget for it. But now, looks like it's not gonna happen because lawyer fees are eating all that savings up.

Yes I knew what I was getting myself into but I'm bitter about it! I'm bitter that this stupid unecessary court battle is eating into my time, my energy, my DH peace of mind, and my bank account. I'm resentful that I feel like my DH is not always here. He's so stressed and worried all the time because of this shit with BM. Dam it, I deserve a husband that's gonna be here for me mentally and emotionally. I'm angry due to all this uncertainty.

I have made sooooo many sacrifices for DH and for the SSs. I"m so sick of this. DH and I both make more than enough to live comfortably since we're not big spenders. But BM has to have the best for her kids! One year of daycare costs for the boys is more than a 4 year tuition for my college degree, and I went to a private university! She refused to let the kids go to a less expensive but equally great daycare because it's not "prestigious enough", so now they've been where they are for over a year and she has yet to pay her share. But is demanding that they attend yet a more expensive school which of course she cannot afford and will never pay.

Sorry for the long vent, I already went off on DH last night because I was bottling all this inside. Hopefully feel better now leting it out.