Argh, I hate jealously
I'm so annoyed right now. IM is the worst possible forum for discussion, but I'm at work (the worst possible place to discuss personal problems) so I've been on IM for about three hours trying to figure out how to help my BF get over the fact that I have friends who like me as more than friends.
I've cut back so much on the time I spend with these guys. I quit smoking in February and cut back on drinking coffee to help avoid seeing them. And yet every time I mention that X came by desk to ask me to go get coffee, BF sulks. He claims he understands that I am not his ex wife, that I will not cheat on him, but that it makes him angry. Great, fine, swell. Typical problems, right?
But then he tells me that x, y, z, the pretty little things in his office ask him to go get coffee on a daily basis and he always flat out says no because that would be weird. So is it weird for me to go get coffee with my friends? Do I need to follow his example? No, no, no, BF tells me. He's just angry. But I shouldn't have to do anything differently.
I'm so mad. I quit smoking! And every day I have to suck it up and deal with the fact that he gives tens of thousands of dollars to a woman who bore his child, that he talks nicely to her on the phone two, three times a day, that he claims they divorced because she was adulterous yet he signed papers saying he constructively abandoned her. I have to suck it up and deal with all that in the most pleasant, forgiving, compromising manner imaginable, and what do I get? He f-ing sulks b/c some guy stopped my desk to ask me if I wanted coffee.
Argh...
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You're a stronger person than I am
I've tried to quit smoking about 5,000 times in the past year. Congrats on that! I finally quit trying to quit out of spite... bm told me I couldn't smoke in my own home because she doesn't want ss around it. I don't smoke a lot, and when I do it's USUALLY outside... but I have been known to sneak one in the bathroom. Anyway, I decided to keep smoking just to piss her off. I'll quit eventually... just not when she tells me to. My fiance is pretty jealous also, so I understand your frustration. I no longer im anyone, and have lost contact with all past online friends because I was tired of the accusations and interrogations. One question though... why in the hell is your man talking to the ex 2 and 3 times a day??! That seems a bit excessive. If my fiance talked to the ex that often I would accidentally run over his cell phone.
Why torture him?
Does he work with you? Otherwise, I'm not sure why you would even tell him if you know it will make him so jealous? Just doesn't seem worth the trouble or wasted time(3 hours on company time?) Couldn't you just spare his feelings?
I think that's an
Good question, why 'rub it in'? I tend to agree.....
I think that's an interesting solution....but it's kind of ironic.
Because in another thread..the husband is in trouble for 'not being forthcoming' with the truth about 'meeting' the kids mother face to face.....maybe........to ........spare her feelings....?
It's no big deal to meet freinds....he shouldn't be upset (but he is)
It's no big deal to discuss mutual kids..she shouldn't be upset..(but she is) (Its the deception..that would bother me, too.)
I'm not saying anything right or wrong...I'm just making an observation. I think it's interesting....how perspectives change depending on the circumstance. My own included!!
(Deception is never a good idea..no matter how good the intentions)
I tend to agree with goldenlife and lovin-life..
Just stop talking about them to him, unless he ask you!! Be honest but if he is not asking and nothing is going on quit telling him.
I quit smoking in August.. So honey let me tell you I know exactly the strain of wanting to light up when something is going on like this..
First question to ask him is why is he so insecure and worried about you haivng coffee with someone? Its not like coffee is alchol.. And how many people do you hear having sex because they were to impaire to know there judgement.. (LOL that is to make you smile..)
If he is this insecure about your relationship because he is afraid of getting hurt again, then he needs to go to counseling.. Insecurities are normal, I think we all have them.. I am insecure myself.. not to the point that I bring it up..
True story.. My husbands Ex-GF works at the service station by our house.. At first I was like OMG what.. And he asked me if he should stop going to get our coffee.. And I thought about it, no I did not want him to quit getting our coffee because she is there.. I do nt have to go with him, because at first I was like scared but why, he married me for a reason and although I think divorce is way to easy now days its hard at the same time too.. So I had to find confidence within myself to get thru that. I have met her now and she knows who I am and actually told me I was very pretty.. Blah blah Blah..
He needs to learn to trust you.. Have you ever given him any reason not to?
Ok I am sorry I am rambling.. I think you two should seriously sit down and WORK this out.. What he is going to do is talk you right out of his life? Ask him if that is what he wants.. If he does not want that then he needs to stop sulking and be confident in your relationship.. And you need to just not tell him that hey Jimmy came by my desk and asked me to have coffee. If he ask you then you need to be honest...
not telling
I think it would be really weird to not tell him that X asked if I wanted to go get coffee. My BF started drinking coffee again a year ago b/c X is a mutual friend and we would all go together. I think it would be wrong to not tell him I went to go get coffee.
BF is just super insecure b/c he claims that "people" are "always" telling him they see me and X together, which is such a crock. When I was smoking, I was attached at the hip to my smoking buddy--X. But then I quit smoking, and I stopped going to get coffee, and what's next? I stop coming to work?
When I tried to get him to talk about why he's angry, BF shut down. He said everything as being blown out of proportion. End of discussion. I'm so mad.
And now my BFF's brother just died in a motorcycle accident, and I have to fly home for the funeral. I feel like such a mess right now. BF has been seeing a therapist, but I don't know how much they've accomplished in the past 9 months with his self-esteem and insecurity issues. I feel like this is all in his head...
You story sounds a lot like mine..
my dh's ex gf got pg immediately after they started dating looking for her meal ticket, and as soon as the baby was 1, she turned 21, and began living out at the bars. She is a real sloppy drunk, and spent more time at the bars than she did investing into her family, so my dh asked her to move out. She did...and 4 years later he found me. She always thought she would be able to come and go as she pleased b/c she used to be really attractive, and when my dh didn't take her back...she went PHSYCHOOOOO!!!!
Anyhow, my dh struggles with me going out period with my gf's, it is actually quite comical. And just to poke at my dh..if we were fighting and he did something to defy me..I would just tell him I'm going out with my single gf's to a club...and let me tell you...dh went balistic....I didn't even go, but just talking about me going hit such a nerve with him it was full on war.
If I go to a bar anytime with my gf's just for some wine and girl talk, I'm guaranteed 2 phone calls in 4 hours..."when ya gonna be home?" Don't get me wrong, dh spoils me relentlessly with anything I want, plus flowers, but he went through such a hard time with ex that he is so scared, he does take that out on me.
oops
double post