Insufficient Boundaries/Discipline
DH actually heard my cries and started setting some boundaries. I actually think he's getting a little bit nervous about me going out of town in a few weeks, and thinks I might stay gone. That's the reason for the sudden responsiveness. He told SD13 not to just barge into the room without knocking (or without hearing a response to her knocks). He also told her not to get into our bed, but related it to her not having had a shower (which leads her to believe that it is appropriate to get into our bed when she HAS taken a shower).
He's still struggling with some common sense stuff, like the skids screaming at the top of their lungs all day while I'm on conference calls (which I understand is how they get attention, or command the space/mark their territory). So, we essentially have baby steps being taken on things that I actually need to be taken care of to function.
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So your DH tiptoes around the
So your DH tiptoes around the issue. Instead of just saying "our bed is for us only", he had to make it about showering. Now, if she showers and gets right in, whoever says no in the future is "moving the goalpost." You may just have to be honest with her and tell her it's your bed, your private space, and you don't want anyone in there but you and DH. That is reason enough.
Put an end to that behavior now!
My 11yo SD was doing the same to me but would sleep in my bed with the SO while I was away and I would come back to my room a mess and my pillow not smelling right and she was already a little lady, womanhood came early for her and I would get into infinite arguments with the SO until I said it needs to stop. It wasn't an ultimatum between her daughter or me cuz that's ridiculous but I demanded boundaries and respect for my space my privacy. I understood the little wife syndrome and I stood my ground to this day she jokes about sleeping on our room or bed but I have established boundaries that I will not ever break. He needs to stop her and he may the permissive parent" that allows anything but your relationship comes before anything. Without a good foundation the house will fall. Wish you luck and stand your ground!