My mom and dad came to our house for Thanksgiving Day.

Let me just say to start that I am extremely grateful that we have already decided not to have children for our own personal reasons because I'm facing supporting one or both of my parents, and wouldn't be able to do both. I can't imagine the resentment I would have if I wanted a baby and couldn't afford it due to the cost of eldercare.

Sometimes I think we live too damn long. My mother will be 69 in January, and is of the generation that expected to be a homemaker and mother and be taken care of. She is not incapable of working, but she is chronically underemployed (independant legal transcription) and Social Security is jack diddly for her. Dad was a highly successful manager in the defense industry when he had his last well-paying job - the equivalent of over six figures a year in today's money, before he got laid off at the age of 64 - in 1989.

Dad's family is very long-lived. While he's slowly sliding into dementia, he has a good 5-10 years yet. Mom's parents died of self-inflicted causes - cirrhosis and heart disease exacerbated by a refusal to stop smoking and drinking, so we don't know when her genetic clock is set to wind down. Given that Mom and Dad eat healthy, don't smoke, etc, it may be a long time. Mom and Dad had a quarter million dollars in investments in the mid-90s, but with the market crashes, Dad's playing the market, and insufficient income, they may be very close to flat broke. I told Mom that instead of getting her "stuff" for Christmas I would pay for regular maintenance to their house. Mom nearly cried because she has been wanting to at least maintain the house, but they're barely paying the mortgage.

I want to/have offered to take my mom into our house when Dad passes. If they're careful, I think they can live on retirement income until then. If I take my mother into my house and provide more than 50% of her needs (her income is less than half of what she needs to live on her own) I can get her free medical care third in line behind active duty and primary dependents. Not the greatest, but better than the nearly $700/month that their insurance is costing them per person.

I would love to get my mom in a Continuing Care Retirement Community. She will have nearly $100k in equity in the house, and may be able to buy in if my sister and I can keep up with the monthly fees and other costs. It is much more expensive than providing for Mom personally, but I'm going to be moving frequently, and I can't uproot her like that. It's one thing to move every three years when you're in your 20s and 30s, it's another when you're in your 70s.

I knew I would end up caring for my parents, I just didn't know it would start this year. The good thing is I can afford to. The bad part is that money was going into MY retirement accounts. So 35 years from now, I'll be in the same place my parents are - with no kids or other relatives to lean on. I'm doing the best I can - I've made the decision to make a career of the military and that will give me a small pension and reasonable medical coverage, but I was going to do a full-court press on retirement savings - I wanted $200k in investments by the time I was 40, which was doable if I pushed. Now, well, I think I'll be lucky to have $50k.

It doesn't matter, really. I would take care of my parents even if I went into debt to do it, but to have dreams and realize they are unrealistic....

~Trish