Following up from my last post about us considering talking to a lawyer. Like so many SM's on here I get sad when stuff happens because I know that there isn't much that I can do to fix it and DH for whatever reason seems to be waiting for a sign from god that says he should go for it.

My last post was : http://www.steptalk.org/node/105228

So here is what I saw from the sidelines tonight.

BM dropped the Skids off on time for once. They walked in the door looking like zombies as usual, sadly it no longer surprises me. I put some pizza's in the oven knowing exactly how this night is going to go - I no longer waste my time cooking on drop off nights because the kids are always too tired or full of candy to eat.

I go threw their school bags with DH and I remove the gross fruit that BM left in there from Friday and the toys before spraying them with lysol while DH flips through the paper work to see what we missed.

While making dinner SS7 comes to see what I am doing and he gives me a big hug. I instantly start gagging, he reeked of a heavily scented floral perfume. I nicely ask him about it and he say that BM put lotion on him, he claimed it was Cocoa Butter but mine doesn't smell like that. Not shocking that she used so much because last time DH called her out on dropping SS7 off all broke out - he has eczema. Which anything with a heavy perfume is not recommended for his sensitive skin.

DH calls BM to tell her that SS7 has a therapy appointment but that I am taking him to it (I just drop him off) and to see about SS5's dentist appointment that BM txt'ed DH about last week. BM couldn't remember when it was and called back twice to say that she was wrong. So who know if SS5 will get in to the dentist this week or not.

At dinner the kids weren't eating much and clearly tired. SS7 starts to freak out because the pizza was a different brand than he was used to and he is tired so he starts to panic. He begs to go to the bathroom then starts gagging himself because he is so upset. By now the smell of the perfume and sound of him gagging is about to make me throw up. So DH tells him to get in the bathtub and after he is done in there it's straight to bed. SS7 starts to cry and says that he is not tired but then tells DH how he staying up last the night before watching a movie.

Then SS5 runs into the bathroom (we only have one) and proceeds to vomit up gummy bears and pizza into the toilet. SO now we have upset SS7, angry DH and sick SS5 all in the bathroom. I sat down on the bed and pulled at my hair. Why doesn't BM see any of this? Should I help DH - probably - but honestly at this point it just makes me sick/sad. I can clean up the mess but I can't fix the problem.

DH get's SS5 taken care of and washes up SS7. But I see him walking around and he is not happy. But when I ask him if he is going to call BM and tell her, he just shuts down. He says it doesn't do any good but when I asked about getting a lawyer he says he is not sure if we should. He wants to talk to the therapist this week and he wants to talk to teacher and doctors. It's like he is waiting for one of them to say - they need to be with us.

Once the bath is over SS7 is a little better but DH sticks to his guns and puts him right into bed where he belongs. He washed up SS5 and put his right there too. 5 minutes later they are both out.

Why it pains me to be in the side lines... I would take the boys in a heart beat. Tonight suck and tomorrow will be though but once they are rested and well feed they are actually really good kids. I think having them full time might actually be less work because we wouldn't have to keep play catch up. Right now it's 50/50 EOW.

How do you guys deal with this being on the sidelines BS?