your advice on handling SD's grandma and grandpa?...

So here is another thing I am pondering today...

DH's mom and dad, that is, SD's grandma and grandpa, live far away. In fact, they live so far away that I have only ever met them in person twice. Instead of going through DH to contact SD, they go through me. They email me to ask about her, they ask me to take pictures of her and send them, they send videos to my email that they want me to play for her, and they send money and ask me to buy presents to her from them. If I don't send pictures often enough then they express disapointment. (They aren't rude about it or anything, but still...) I guess they go through me because DH isn't good at keeping up with email(?) I'm not exactly sure.

Here's the thing: I would like to ask them to go through DH for this stuff from now on, because it's A) emotionally draining for me because I don't like SD, and B), I don't have much free time and I'm trying to carve out some time for me lately. BUT since I have done this for them (grandma & grandpa) for years now I'm not sure how to ask without hurting their feelings. Don't get me wrong--I know they just want to keep up contact with their grandchild--it's just, why do I, the stepmom, have to do all the work for their relationship?

I've talked to DH about it and he just kind of shrugged and said that they contact me because he never remembers to email them back. I think he kind of thinks of the picture-taking, emailing about kids, and present buying as "just something that moms/wives do."

Any suggestions??

simmering_stepmom's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

well, in my case all of dh's

well, in my case all of dh's family seems to feel free to go to bm to get these things since mil hates me and has told lots of horrible lies to the family about me. I would love for just one of his family members to respect me enough to come to me for this instead of bm. and respect that dh is married to me and not bm, and if they want something pertaining to ss..since they are dh's family (he doesnt take care of email stuff either) they come to me his wife!

but i love ss very much and am very close with him....i more so than bm take photos, organize memory type keepsakes for the grandparents....have him make them cards for birthdays, etc. if i really disliked him im not sure how i would feel...i just know that i hate that his family refuses to come to me for these things when a. im his wife who handles all these types of things in our home b. they are his family not bm's

What about forwarding the

What about forwarding the emails to DH and then CCing grandma and grandpa. Add a message like this for your DH so G&G can see it.

"DH, I haven't had a chance to download the latest family pictures from the camera. Would you mind checking the camera and sending a few pics onto G&G."

You could do something similar on the money for presents.

That way your ILs know you received their request, know you have sent it onto DH for action, and you are absolved from having to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I get requests like this from BF's SIL that lives cross country. When I don't feel like dealing with the requests, I just find a graceful way to pass them on to BF all while CCing her on the emails so it isn't like I'm ignoring her.

I would make your DH respond

I would make your DH respond whenever he gets home the day you get them. Stay on him until it becomes a habit. Or at least make him do most of it. I would forward all emails to him, AND DO IT ON A DAILY BASIS, until he responds to them. He'll get sick of daily reminders eventually I definitely wouldn't say anything to the ILs though.