Okay, obviously I'm having a very bad day. Second blog entry in less than 24 hours. In my last entry I noted that my DH was going to be working overtime for the next few weeks. Well, just a short bit ago I get a text from him saying that he's not working tomorrow so he is going to pick up his kids tonight after all. A pit formed in my stomach immediately.

Right or wrong, I simply responded to his text with a "K".  So, after a few minutes he calls me to explain why he's not working overtime and again to reiterate that he's going to pick up his kids tonight if his ex hasn't already made plans. Then he adds, "if that's okay with you". I hate when he does this kind of thing. I told him hey, it's your weekend so go get them. What the hell was I going to tell him?  No, you said they weren't coming till tomorrow so now you can't go get them till tomorrow. Sometimes I think he's looking for me to be the bad guy, to make that decision, so that he doesn't have to have it on his conscience.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is exactly the same type of behavior my ex-husband pulled on me. I stayed in that marriage for 13 years and took a lot of mental abuse, more than I ever thought I did. I didn't realize how much my self-esteem had suffered until after I was divorced. I sense some of the same patterns lately in my current marriage, which makes me wonder is all my angst is simply about the kids, or is there trouble in my marriage as well. Maybe it's time we both go into counseling.

I've said in my previous blog that I love my DH. And, I do! The mere sound of his voice can give me butterflies still. However, I don't always get the feeling that he feels the same about me. He's not the most affectionate person in the world, although he used to be much more than he is now, when we first met. Of course we all know how that goes. That honeymoon phase where everything is so exciting and new and then of course things are going to change a little bit as we start to get to know each each other and we're with each other each and every day. And while I do know he loves me, I question sometimes if it's for the right reasons. Sometimes, and I'm going to be brutally honest, I think he just wanted someone that could make him a good home, make it comfortable for him, and to be quite frank, to be there to meet his needs.  I will also indicate that I'm about 7 years older than he is. And, prior to meeting me, he dated people that were his age or younger. I don't know why I'm saying all of this, I just have this pit in my stomach and feel like my head's going to explode. I guess it's time to go mentally prepare for their arrival later tonight.