They're too consumed with hate to have any room left for compassion or even love. People like that exist. They rot from the inside out until their bitterness rubs off on everything they come in contact with. Don't let your SD become bitter like that. Just remind her that although the family didn't make it to her party, it doesn't mean that there aren't people out there who still love her.

Some times family just isn't worth bothering with, some people we are just better off w/o.

I fully understand hate, all thanks to BM. It is ugly & it is a burden. She is honestly the only person I have ever felt true hate & complete disgust for. Though she has never asked for my forgiveness, I have taken it upon myself to forigive her multiple times. When I reach that point, I pity her & wish her well...until she takes her next stab. Then, I go through the cycle all over again. It gets harder to overcome every time, because she makes it so obvious that her happiness comes before anyone elses...her children included. My hate for her lies in the confusion & hurt she causes for her children, & for my DH. DH is old enough & has lived life enough to know what she's about, but skids live by her word, & when she uses their faith & trust for the sake of hurting DH & myself, it pisses me off. When she claimed to have cancer & 8 months to live, I counted down those months. While it would be sad to see skids deal with losing their mother, I honestly believe they would stand a better chance of being happy in their future lives without her. That being said, my hatred for her would never overcome my love for my skids. My desire for payback on what she has caused will never be great enough to hurt my skids for.

Oh Stormabruin, that answer was so good. The only thing I see differently is where you said, "because she makes it so obvious that her happiness comes before anyone elses...her children included. My hate for her lies in the confusion & hurt she causes for her children, & for my DH." In my case, BM is actually fostering her own UNHAPPINESS. There's no way that being that manipulative and crazy is breeding anything other than more unhappiness and craziness.

I try all the time not to hate BM. It's so hard though. I usually just settle for this new passive hatred that I feel like I've invented. I try not to care about my hatred of her. It seems to work. Don't want to be like her!

Hating someone often makes the person feeling it feel less vulnerable than loving someone. We are defensive creatures. Those who can not pull their heads out of their rear ends, don't deserve to eat your food at your party and SD deserves better than that. That's the short version of what went through my head.

}:) I should come help you do some wrangling and knock some heads together. I think my SD's are headed the same way. They still haven't seen or heard from their mother since Oct.'08. She has missed two of SD 12's birthdays and 3 of SD 15's birthdays. Such a loser. We do get child support finally, but it's only because the state caught up to her and takes it directly out of her check. Skank-bag works at Wal-Mart and now I have to drive to the other one all the way across town to keep from seeing her nasty ass when I need to buy tampons. Man she sucks. Why are these women so selfish to treat these kids this way? I'd like to donkey kick them all in the throat.

OH WOW~! Deja freaking veu!
Yep I think I know these people! Only the bio mom is passed because of an accident in which her mother was driving the car and they for years have nagged and bantered my poor husband! To the extent that they too boycotted both SDs graduation parties and the youngest ones graduation period! I had never been so discusted with two people in my life! Yeah how can your hate consume you so much that you would skip the monumental events of your deceased daughters children! Absolutely unforgivable!