...If my feelings of being taken for granted are warranted, or if it is just PMS speaking.

The BM contacts my DF (darling fiancee) yesterday to give us her visitation schedule for the week. It's about about a day and a half more than what it has been these last few weeks. He doesn't question her as to why we've been given more time, and that's fine - I understand that - he'd rather not delve into her personal life more than he has too. And, it's nice that we'll have more time with SD5.

But here's where the feelings of being taken for granted are coming in, and my annoyance at the DF in not at least asking the BM if she will be more available tonight/tomorrow - or if our reasons for having SD tonight are because she will be out of town for her job - which does usually happen every Tuesday or Wednesday night.

The DF is being treated today to a free game of golf by his employer. The DF works hard - usually at least 50 hours a week, sometimes more. He deserves to have this fun. However, he probably won't be home till after 7 tonight, so that means someone will need to pick up SD from afterschool care, feed her, get homework started, get her in the bath, etc. He asks me if I mind, and I don't, so I agree. BUT THEN, he tells me that SD has her wellness checkup tomorrow at 10 and he is the one taking her to the appt. Since the DF has to be at work by 6 AM, could I get SD up, get her ready, and drop her off at his job on my way into work so that he doesn't have to get her out of bed at 5 AM, take her to work with him and try in vain to keep her entertained while he works till it's time to leave for her doctor's appt. This I do not want to do. But I agree because I also think it's unfair to make a 5 year old kid get up at 5 AM, knowing she will have a long day ahead of her.

But I am annoyed. First because I work an hour away from our home. Picking her up from school tacks on another half hour to my commute. Dropping her off at my DF's job tomorrow morning will add yet another half hour. So by the end of the day tomorrow, I will have spent 5 hours in my car. I hate that. Not only that, but it also means that the DF is not the one having to do anything in regards to SD's care tonight or tomorrow morning. It will all fall on me. And believe me, this kid is not a morning person - and I can't blame her because Lord knows I hate mornings too. And it is true that lately she has been waking up in a good mood, but tomorrow morning could very well be the morning she decides to fight me on everything.

I'm just NOT feeling up to dealing with bad moods (both my own and her potential one), and commutes tomorrow. Frankly, I'm not up to doing any childcare right now because I don't feel well. I've had two surgeries in the past year to remove a large uterine tumor, and so my periods, my cramping - is horrendous. The removal of the tumor is suppose to relieve all of this, but so far I'm still dealing with the insane pain each month. To top it all off, my coworker was granted PTO today and tomorrow, and since it is only the two of us on this little 'team' we have, I will have to do all his work as well as my own. It's manageable, but not pleasant.

I feel the fiancee should have asked his ex what her plans were for tonight/tomorrow. If she's going to be out of town because of work, then fine, I would feel better about stepping in to do all of this. But if it's just because she has something planned with her BF, or because she decided on a whim that Tuesday would be a good night to be rid of her daughter, then I think that my DF should have told her that tonight would not be a good night for him and asked her to switch to another night. She has NO PROBLEM asking us to keep SD when she has something special planned (like wanting to go to happy hour instead of picking up SD from daycare) so why can't my DF do the same? He KNEW when he talked to her yesterday and got the schedule for this week that he would be golfing today and would not be able to pick SD up from afterschool care. It's like he agrees with the BM's visitation arragements first, then scrambles to figure out how he's going to make sure SD is picked up, dropped off, etc.

And here is where my guilt comes in and I feel like I am the one being unreasonable. The DF works hard. The man deserves this day of golf. He really does. And my SD deserves to not have to get up at 5 AM, just to have to hang around a filthy maintenance shop while her Dad works -especially knowing that she will have to go to the doctor later that morning to be poked and prodded, and then have to go to school, then afterschool care where she will sit till probably 6:30 before her mom picks her up. That would be a long-ass frustrating day for me, let alone for a kid.

But dammit if I don't feel as if sometimes I work so hard to make sure that everyone else's life is easier and more comfortable, but no one ever gives any thought to my comfort. And this sounds harsh, I know, but I'm not the one who had sex without protection, got knocked up, had a shotgun wedding, followed by a shitty divorce. So why does it seem like I am the one paying the consequences?

I know I should speak up more when I am unhappy. I'm working on it, but I've always been the grin and bear it type. Old habits die hard.