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Just finished Stepmonster

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:37pm

I wish this book had been published in 2006 when I first met DH.

No matter what you think when you meet a man with kids, there is no way you can be prepared for the outrageous battles you will face. I most definitely DID NOT know what I was getting into. What I learned from this book was that in most cases, being a step-mother is a lonely, misunderstood and thankless role to take on. That the best we can achieve in our lives is peace and not happiness.

Despite my feelings for my husband, if I could do it all over again, I would resemble the Looney Toones Road Runner as I ran screaming away from the situation. When I think of how much damage DH's kid and his ex Uberskank has done to both him and our lives, I can't help but question my sanity when I chose to stay married to DH.

My honest advice to all of those on this site that have not tied the knot with your SO:

I highly recommend reading Stepmonster, find out the laws in your state and how marrying someone with children can affect you on a both a legal and financial level and Find A Counselor With Real Experience With Step-Families. In other words, seek advice from both types of counselors (legal & psychological). If you're here on this site, then you're are already feeling the frustration of your situation and getting the information you need to make informed choices for the future.

I'm not saying don't stay or don't get married, but forewarned is forearmed. Should you stay with your SO, you will be better informed and have better tools to use when you go into the battle. Tools a lot of us didn't have in the beginning. Which is why we found ourselves here on this site.

Good luck.

Comments

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:23pm

I just started it yesterday and only had time to read about 40 pages, but just with that she has already so concisely articulated so many truths about stepping.

I'm looking forward to the rest of it.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:46pm

ok - my library didn't have it but thank goodness for Barnes & Noble. 2 business days and i'll have it!

violetforest's picture

Submitted by violetforest on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:30pm

librarian was unable to come up with it during a quick search. Could you pass on the author for me please. thanks.

violetforest's picture

Submitted by violetforest on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:30pm

librarian was unable to come up with it during a quick search. Could you pass on the author for me please. thanks.

Niagara Falls Bride's picture

Submitted by Niagara Falls Bride on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:33pm

I am more than half way through StepMonster. I love this book. I feel that everyone who is a stepmom, is going to be a stepmom, or even knows a stepmom should read this book. I think that it paints a very clear picture of the situation in an easy to understand way. I like that it takes into account that the stepmom has feelings too without overlooking how to work with the children and their dad.

I will be getting married in less than two months and I am glad that I am reading this book now and not later. Well, I very well may re-read this book later too. Smile

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:43pm

Future DH and I will be getting married in Oct. This book is amazing!!! I think I will read it many times throughout the next year(s) :O FutureSD7, DH and I will all benefit from this!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 2:01pm

Thank you Crayon. I've heard those words in my day to day life and on ST. It's not like there was a Haz-Mat warning on DH and kid when I first met him. DANGER - WARNING.....Long term relationship with this man and his baggage could potentially suck your will to live!!!!

Thank you and everyone who suggested reading this book. I had put it off because I was so done with being a step-parent. All of the books I read were all touchy, feely the skids this, the skids that. This book was the first book that discussed how WE feel and what WE go through.

Crizzle's picture

Submitted by Crizzle on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 3:01pm

Crayon, my husband used that line on me just last night! He said, "You knew I had kids when we met" Know what I said? I said, "Well, I didn't know I would end up being your free babysitter and spending 20 hours a day alone with them!"

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 5:55pm

"Well, I didn't know I would end up being your free babysitter and spending 20 hours a day alone with them!" Biggrin LMAO
Thank you Crizzle

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:47pm

I did love this book because it put into black and white how I feel every day. For lack of a better term this book will be another weapon in my arsenal to protect myself from DH's kid and Uberskank. Smile

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 5:57pm

Buy her the book! Please! What a great way to shed new light on the world of the SM Wink

Lovemakesafamily's picture

Submitted by Lovemakesafamily on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 6:35pm

I read the book and I loved it as well. I think it might be best to read it again to remind you of both sides. Does anyone know of a book about how to handle the blinded family when the other parent doesnt want to make it work out? That is our battle. I am always trying to make peace. It will be good for a while and then out of no where it gets crazy!

Rainbow.Bright's picture

Submitted by Rainbow.Bright on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 8:01pm

This was one of the first books I got on my Kindle last year. I loved it, I tore through those pages so fast my head hurt. Unfortunately I found the book too late, we had found a counselor that seemed well versed in step-issues and helped us immensly. I think we are still married today because of her. But there was still things to be learned for sure!