Am I asking for too much??
DH is currently unemployed (company closed the branch he worked at, all employees were laid off). He has been actively searching for work. Right now he has a job offer on the table, but he is negotiating and working out the kinks. That is taking some time because of the holiday.
However, he is at home most of the day. His greatest accomplishments? Watching every episode of Breaking Bad. Oh and going to the gym and making green juice and doing the dishes.
Awesome. Just awesome.
None of this would bother me except:
The house is filthy and I have to start cleaning it in order for him to get off of his ass and do anything. Dusty furniture, dirty floors, dirty cat bowls, dirty bathroom. Seriously?? If the situation were reversed, you’d be able to eat off of our floors. And not because of the amount of food that is down there.
He texts me every single fricking day at work…..what do you want for dinner? Hey Jack….I’ve got a brilliant idea…..how about you f**king figure it out on your own?? I AM WORKING 50-60 F**KING HOURS A GODDAMN WEEK. Why don’t you f**king meal plan on your own? You’re a big boy. I’m sure you can figure it out.
He’s not even responsible for any laundry except his own. I take care of sheets and towels and my own laundry. I don’t ask him to do any of my ironing or help me out in this area. I help cook on the weekends. I help with the shopping.
We talked before he lost his job and he agreed to take care of the house and meals while he was unemployed. But every night I walk in to a dirty house and questions about dinner.
WTF?? Is it too much to ask for him to take care of this shit while I’m at work every day?? It’s not like I’m sitting around eating bonbons and doing nothing. Why is this so hard??
Right now I hate the sight of him. If I say one word about our agreement about the house or the meal planning, he tells me to stop nagging him. F’n F’er.
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I can count on one finger the
I can count on one finger the number of guys I know who actively participate in household duties... and by actively I mean taking their own initiative and being thorough.
My mom told me once it's just not in a guy's DNA. My question was, then how do they survive adulthood alone?
I had to finally go thru a phase of spitting green stuff, making my head spin, and crawling across the ceiling before my DH "got the hint" and didn't accuse me of nagging. Seriously. He works 8 hrs a day. I work 10+. He expects my kids to pick up after themselves and faithfully do their chores without being told yet he'll sit and watch a damned Nascar race while I'm busting my butt to get the house clean before I go grocery shopping so I can have something to fix for dinner (oh, hey hon -- could you pick me up some of that really good chocolate ice cream while you're out? Yer a peach!).
I know, I know... all I have to do is ask. Right. And who asks me to fix dinner? Who asks me to do laundry? NOBODY, because I know it's a fact of life and it ain't gonna do itself.
No advice, just empathy.
The part that is frosting my
The part that is frosting my cookie and putting my knickers in a bunch??
DH is very, very tidy (make that was). Every Saturday was housecleaning and laundry day.
Up until he lost his job, this was the standard. And it's not like he hasn't been pursued by prospective employers. He has been taking the time to choose the right one and the right offer. So this isn't a depression thing or a "oh woes is me.....I'm unemployed and nobody loves me" thing either.
I don't get it. This is on top of a multitude of subjects we've discussed in the last several months. He keeps letting me down every time I turn around. He continues to make decisions that affect me without consulting me.
I don't know how much more of this I can possibly take.
If you figure it out...
If you figure it out... please.. please share. My husband is this way. It's just the two of us at home now. Not only can he not do any house work, he can't do anything else either. He starts a project and leaves it sitting there for weeks.. until I have an absolute meltdown. I truly am ready to just move next door and let him come over once in a while for a conjugal visit
DH would be lucky if he even
DH would be lucky if he even sees me naked, let alone get the conjugal visit.
I'm so steamed I can barely get I love you past my gritted teeth.
^^^^Right there with you on
^^^^Right there with you on that one!!^^^^^
Make him a list of things you
Make him a list of things you want done every morning.
No, you are not asking too
No, you are not asking too much. I was very much annoyed that my house was not cleaner when my DH was out of work.
"I'm going crazy, I'm so bored," he'd say.
Really? I have a cure for that.
There's nothing better than cleaning to get me good and pissed off because when I'm cleaning, I realize how much I really do compared to him.
I also use that to curb my guilt about not letting my SD22 and her 2 kids live with us. No way am I cleaning up after ALL of them (she's a total pig).
Count your blessings he
Count your blessings he doesn't get in shape, file for divorce and ask you for half plus spousal support! My ex did that.
Here's the deal at my house.
Here's the deal at my house. DH retired a couple of years ago because he was so miserable working. He has issues with depression and anxiety, and he got into a series of getting fired from really good jobs. I'm not saying it wasn't deserved, but he was miserable. So we did the math and could make it work. But the deal was the I would work, and not come home to a second job of cooking and cleaning. We have no kids at home, so it's maybe different for me than others.
DH does most of the laundry. Most of the cooking. We have a housekeeper in every couple of weeks. He does the gardening. He does most of the grocery shopping. He handles house repairs himself or hires and supervises the workers. He takes the dogs to the vet. I pay most of the bills and work 10 hour days. In short, I have the traditional wife. And he STILL asks me every day what it is he can do for me. He is an absolute DEAR in this way and it works well for both of us. We both feel like we contribute. We act like partners. I LOVE that about him.
Does he clean to my standards? No. Hang up laundry the way I would? No. I work a lot on letting go of my inner control freak.
I could live with that, I
I could live with that, I really could.
That being said.............
Last night I wrote my name in the dust on the coffee table, in between the cat's dusty paw prints.
he is an f'n f'er....that is
he is an f'n f'er....that is all.....
No of course you are not
No of course you are not asking too much, and if the situation were reversed how many women would just sit around unemployed while the housework built up? My last boyfriend was unemployed for a while so I was the only earner. He did ALL the housework and the shopping and the cooking, and the nagging if I left my shoes lying around. Many is the time I have wondered how I ended up with housework-shy DH but I have spent 10 long years breaking him of his aversion to regular meaningful housework and I am fairly sure that he would step up if he was home all day. But it was a long hard road and a lot of rows and nagging to get to this point.
>>>>>>>>>>> if the situation
>>>>>>>>>>> if the situation were reversed how many women would just sit around unemployed while the housework built up?<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Get ready for the onslaught.... as I'm sure there are quite a few SM's on here who have vented (or at least included in their vent) how BM does that.
Just sayin' }:)
I would give him a list and
I would give him a list and nicely say to him, 'hon can you help me out with these things today, I'm really getting behind on these things and really need your help'. If this doesn't work...I'd continue nagging (as he is calling it) until he gets it.