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No room for me...

second string's picture

Submitted by second string on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 8:02am

I helped SS8 all weekend on a poster for school. It was supposed to be about his favorite things, what he wants to be when he grows up and his family, with boxes to include photos. I printed out a nice picture of SS, DH and I and left room for his mother to give him a picture of their family. When I took him to school this morning I saw the poster on the wall. The picture that BM gave him had her boyfriend in it and my picture had been torn off. I asked SS about it and he told me, "sorry, there was no room for you". I went to the car and cried. With no bio kids of my own, this really sums up how I feel.

Comments

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 8:21am

That's just wrong on so many levels.

You show a kid at that age that it is okay to disrespect a step-parent, - well guess what? - Pretty soon the child learns that it is okay to disrespect *any* parent.

Good on you though to help SS with his project. I know how painful this can be but it is my hope that you don't let this get to you too much and continue to lend aid when it is needed. Your SS will be a better person for it!

WarmBody's picture

Submitted by WarmBody on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 8:40am

Who is the custodial parent? His dad or his mom? If you're the one taking him to school why is he doing his project with his BM and not you? I don't get why you even let her be involved. If she wants to do his school work with him she can do it on her visitation. If on the other hand, he resides with her primarily then I would say don't be involved because anything you do will be eliminated by the BM before the kid walks out the door. It's just a waste of time and effort. What's sad is that if you were the BM I bet you'd be kind and let the kid have both families represented. The good guys get trampled on and the aholes win, especially when it comes to divorce.

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 9:05am

Oh my...that just sucks. I know it has to hurt but I'm thinking Cheri may be correct on the BM having something to do with it. (((Hugs)))

hurtandalone's picture

Submitted by hurtandalone on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 11:15am

Yeah, I have faced this on multiple occasions and I also have no children. It hurts… bad. I am so sorry. I am currently the ONLY mother in my skids (SS6, SD7) lives; BM lives across the country and has not seen their faces in 17 months (her choice, apparently they were "too hard") and this STILL happens.

I honestly do not think that it gets any better and to make matters worse my DH always tells me that I just have to get over it because I am the adult. I tell him that I am still a human and I still have feelings but apparently when you because a stepmother none of that matters because they are “kids” and you are the “adult”. I wish that I could give you a hug because you sound just like me and I can just imagine the pain that you are going through.

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:50pm

So sad for you:( I think a big part of the problem with stepparenting is the feeling of being left out or not being part of the family. I wish bio-parents could understand this about their spouses and do their best to protect them from it.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 2:56pm

SS sent his Dad a letter from Juvie. It was much as his mind only process me, do for me, help me.

Hi Dad, I love you. Will you come visit me. Will you write to me. Here is a picture.

In the picture was DSO, SS, his brother, his sister and BM with a heart around them. (stick figures labeled who they were)

Cant blame BM for that one but it still hurt he would send that to DSO with BM and a heart.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Wed, 05/08/2013 - 8:27am

I'm sorry. Sad It's sad that we do so much for kids that aren't even ours, and then aren't considered to be anything to them. Same thing with my SS8- his stepfather is his "other dad", but I'm "not really family."

*shrugs*

It's all BM. I know that. SS8 does like me, but he's not allowed to admit or show it.